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Golden Globes #7
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cleolinda
@cleolinda: LIVEJOURNAL BLOWS AND I AM GENERALLY NON-PLUSSED #unbearablecapslockofbeing

Please welcome! Queen Latifah (sparkly one-shoulder black!) with a montage for The Help! And here's Ricky Gervais to reassure my fingers: "Nearly there, nearly there." He is amazed to get paid for this job and I'm kind of amazed too. Also: Colin Firth is surprisingly racist and punches little blind kittens! Firth kicks him in the shin on the way out: "I noticed some very angry religious people outside, promising us brimstone and perdition for our sins... and what they don't realize is, we have Ricky."

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
GLENN CLOSE  – ALBERT NOBBS
VIOLA DAVIS – THE HELP
ROONEY MARA – THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
MERYL STREEP – THE IRON LADY
TILDA SWINTON – WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN

Wow. Swinton's got David Bowie on her head. I don't even know. Winner: MERYL STREEEEEP. AW YEAH GIRL GET YO DRINK ON! It's a standing ovation and you know why? You know why? Because Meryl is the Queen of the Drinky Oscars. "When Ricky Gervais's deal fell through and they came to me, to play Margaret Thatcher..." Also, she is embarrassed to win this, in a year of such great performances (every year is a Year of Such Great Performances). If this were a real awards show, I would agree with her, but--what the hell is going on? The camera is following someone passing George Clooney passing David Fincher a--fork? A fork? Is this happening? WHY DID MY SOUND GO OUT AGAIN? Did Meryl say "shit"? She said "shit," didn't she? Harvey Weinstein, "The Punisher," is her new god ("The Old Testament, I guess"). Somewhere between the sound haphazardly cutting out on my TV she starts gushing over SWINTON and Mia Wasikowska in Jane Eyre so she's double-plus okay by me. They start playing the Sad Orchestrations--"OH NO! NO!!!! We made this film for twenty-five cents in five minutes and I love you, Viola, you're my girl! MWAH."

(Twitter informs me that they were passing Meryl's reading glasses to her. Even more hilariously, I don't know that they ever got there.)

BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
50/50
THE ARTIST
BRIDESMAIDS
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
MY WEEK WITH MARILYN

Jane Fonda's saying something. I don't know what. I'm still trying to deal with Meryl, Queen of Drunk. "Formidable!" The Artist wins and that precious dog is up on the stage to accept and there are people as well, no one cares about them. 

@cleolinda: That movie will win every award they bring the dog to. DOGGYYYYYY

@stvanairsdale: And there is Uggie. Now I can die. #ConsiderUggie #GoldenGlobes

I'm not sure who in the Artist crew starts making broad violin-playing gestures when the Sad Orchestrations start up, but I kind of love him.

Blah blah Ricky Gervais edgy lol Natalie Portman isn't nominated for anything because she had a baby, somehow this is piercingly insightful blah. Portman (satiny red, strapless) is all like YEAH BITCHES I LOOK HOT THIS YEAR.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
GEORGE CLOONEY – THE DESCENDANTS
LEONARDO DICAPRIO – J. EDGAR
MICHAEL FASSBENDER – SHAME
RYAN GOSLING – THE IDES OF MARCH
BRAD PITT – MONEYBALL

Winner: George Clooney! Clooney is happy to be able to tell Brad Pitt that he is doing wonderful work in two movies and in the world this year because this is the only time they're ever going speak all year, obviously. Also, he asks if Michael Fassbender can play golf with his hands tied behind his back. I really want Tina Fey and Jane Lynch to pop up and shout "PENIS JOKE!!" Like, I just want this to happen for always.  

PLEASE WELCOME CUTTING THE COMMERCIALS SHORT OH MY GOD WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME Harrison Ford.

BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
THE  DESCENDANTS 
THE HELP
HUGO
THE IDES OF MARCH
MONEYBALL
WAR HORSE

Winner: The Descendants. GIANT DRUNKEN CHEER!! I legit have no idea how the Oscars are going to go this year, so this is kind of an interesting moment. "Uh, we've been told to hurry, so we would like to thank the HFPA for this award and throwing a great party." I kind of wish we'd heard a Streepish WOOOOOO! at that point. The producer goes on to praise George Clooney's career-best performance; Clooney glows tanly, beneficently, in the audience. Then the Sad Orchestrations start playing the director off in the middle of thanking Hawaii. ALL OF IT.

"Thank you! That's it! I hope you enjoyed the goody bags--and the champagne and--the gold, I hope that took your minds off the recession. Good night!" And somewhere, a HFPA poobah is sitting in front of a TV, stunned, bereft, faltering, "But--but--Ricky Gervais was supposed to offend people! Like really actually piss them off! So they would talk about us! Like we mattered!" Aw, pookie. Maybe next year.



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Ricky Gervais got, like, a total of five minutes to offend and do his hosting duties. I was disappointed. :(

I seriously think someone Got to Him and his lines were either cut or toned down, because MAN, was that not the edgy edgy-o-rama he kept threatening.

I agree. I expected way more from him. What lends credence to your theory is how the sound kept going out (on everybody!)...

they thought two years in a row of that particular brand of "joke" would not go well.

i mean, i'm sorry, but he seems like the "comedian" who would not hold back unless they bleep him.

plus hey, since he offended everyone last year, this is only fair, right? to make things even?

personally, i feel sad that i missed the show because i thought he was going to ruin it.

but i'm probably going to catch a re-run

I always appreciate your commitment to liveblogging the award shows. *salute*

It didn't seem like a question to me. It sounded like he was halfway confidant that Fassbender could play golf that way...which kind of makes me want to see Shame now.

Yeah, my understanding from people who have seen the movie is that it's entirely plausible.

I get the feeling it's plausible and that's only from seeing him in tight trousers occasionally.

Thanks for the liveblogging! Reading along always makes watching awards shows even more fun. ^_^

(Deleted comment)
My guess on Evan Rachel Wood is that it was because she was in Mildred Pierce and the Ides of March. Not that she was nominated for either, iirc, but hey.

anyone else notice the awkward camera cut to Octavia Butler and Viola Davis when Ricky said Colin Firth is a terrible racist?

Who told Natalie Portman that she should wear a dress that makes her look twice as wide in the hips as she actually is?

Also, I realize that because I have tivo, I don't actually see many movie commercials - but seriously, I had no idea what more than half of the movies they referred to were. Although, I kinda want to see the Artist now.

The only thing out of all the nominations for both film and television that I've seen even a minute of was The Big Bang Theory.

I like to play the Tilda Swinton or David Bowie? game.

Clooney and others were trying to pass Meryl's glasses to the stage cuz she got censored for saying "I forgot my fuckin' glasses." Or at least that's what I think happened.

The glasses stopped at David Fincher, who was apparently too chicken to walk a few steps and hand them to Ms. Streep. And the guy doing air violin (or making fun of the orchestra play-off) was Michel Hazanavicius, the director of The Artist.

I think that dog just won the film a Best Picture Oscar.

Yeah I was disappointed he wussed out on walking them up there. Clooney would've done it.

Aw, pookie. Maybe next year.

Heee! :D

"YEAH BITCHES I LOOK HOT THIS YEAR."

I could totally see (and hear in my head) Natalie Portman saying that. I blame SNL.

Heh. You should watch Leon: The Professional.

Just to let you know: I really appreciate your liveblogging efforts. Even though I never get to them in a timely fashion.

Keep up the good work!

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