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Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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Oscar liveblog #5
yahoo oscars green
cleolinda
Kermit and Miss Piggy in the balcony. Because why not. "It's about TIME Spielberg left some for the rest of us!" she huffs. "How am I going to get down to the stage from here?!" And now you understand why the Muppets, despite everyone's protests, could not have hosted the Oscars. Ah, it's time for Cirque du Soleil. And here, with music by Danny Elfman, is A Tribute to What It's Like to Go to the Movies (yes). I'll have to just find you the clip because I can't blog this. All I know is that they had two of the Cirque people were sitting next to Meryl Streep as part of the routine ("This is SO EXCITING!"), and she was leaning away from them giggling into her golden sleeve the whole time. George Clooney looks intrigued; George Clooney's Girlfriend looks displeased. APPLAUSE.

"Wow!" says Crystal. "I pulled a hamstring just watching that!" It's time for some MONOLOGUING, because we have time. "Christopher Plummer may be walking up on stage tonight... because he may be wandering around." Max von Sydow is also OOOOOLD. OOOOOOOOLD, ALL OF YOU! I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU BUT PLEASE SAVE ME, GWYNETH! She brings in reinforcements: Robert Downey Jr. strolling out with a camera guy and sound guys: "I'm filming a documentary called... The Presenter. PLEASE DON'T TALK WHEN I'M TALKING, IT'LL MAKE POST PRODUCTION A NIGHTMARE. BORING! FEELS SCRIPTED!" "What you're doing right now is disrespectful, and insane--" "I turned down The Descendants for this! We have to have it on Netflix by midnight!"

@christylemire: I kinda don't hate this Robert Downey Jr. and Gwyneth bit.  Just 'cause I could watch him do anything. #Oscars

@Filmdrunk: GET HER, DOWNEY! WHEN SHE GRABS YOUR LAPEL, GO FOR THE HEAD AND ARM THROW!

A TEXT FROM MY MOTHER: what the F???

Documentary (Feature)

    "Hell and Back Again"
    Danfung Dennis and Mike Lerner
    "If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front"
    Marshall Curry and Sam Cullman
    "Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory"
    Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky
    "Pina"
    Wim Wenders and Gian-Piero Ringel
    "Undefeated"
    TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay and Rich Middlemas

Winner: Undefeated. Did someone get bleeped? I was regrettably trying to type up the RDJ bit.

Ladies and gentlemen! Chris Rock in a medium fro! He loves animation! Anyone can play anything! "And a black man can play a donkey or a zebra!" Also, "animation [voiceover] is THE EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD! It's not wood stripping! 'It's gettin' dark outside!' AND THEN THEY GIVE ME A MILLION DOLLARS!" Please let him host again. Please. I am begging you from the bottom of my fing.

Animated Feature Film

    "A Cat in Paris" Alain Gagnol and Jean-Loup Felicioli
    "Chico & Rita" Fernando Trueba and Javier Mariscal
    "Kung Fu Panda 2" Jennifer Yuh Nelson
    "Puss in Boots" Chris Miller
    "Rango" Gore Verbinski

Winner: Rango! Gore Verbinski says he's not sure if it was a movie for children (SPOILER: it was), but it sure was made by a bunch of grownups who felt like kids! HURRY UP HURRY UP. Oh God, where are my Tagalongs.


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No, it was really Tony Stark and Pepper Potts...

At least, in my mind. The banter between them is priceless.

Re: No, it was really Tony Stark and Pepper Potts...

I like the way you think!

Chris Rock is the only one who's made me laugh so far.

(Deleted comment)
(sobs)

I hate the Academy on their utter snub on Harry potter.

i mean they deserved either make up or special effects but noooooooo


WHY did HUGO had to come now???

(sobs)

I really, really, really expected Planet of the Apes to win special effects since they did that big push for Serkis to get an actor nomination, so I was shocked when Hugo won. I never expected HP to get it although they should have won it on the dragon alone.

Seriously, I really, really want Chris Rock to just knock out Billy Crystal and take over for the rest of the night.

And now you understand why the Muppets, despite everyone's protests, could not have hosted the Oscars.

Because they won't trust them to be themselves? Yeah, their late night banter can include sexual innuendos and such but I think that would be improving things at this point...

This reminds me of a grade school play/ awards show done by the conservative parents who only allowed G rated films to be shown.

At least Christopher Plummer won. That's something.

And he was extremely adorable in his speech. Love him.

If they cut out all the extraneous bullshit, they could give every winner 5 whole minutes for their acceptance speeches and still come in under 3 hours. *sigh*

THIS. I could do without the ridiculous sketches.

We need to get you a DVR, sugar. It will change your life. Or your liveblog. That one.

Edited at 2012-02-27 03:05 am (UTC)

I do have DVR capability now, but the problem is, if I pause it for something like this, I end up running behind and it's not really "live" anymore.

Ugh. As an aspiring voice actor myself, Chris Rock can shove it. There's a little more to it than just walking in, being himself, then cashing the check.

Couldn't stand the whole Robert Downey Jr scene; I'm glad someone else agrees.

And yeah, I think someone was bleeped.

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