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Oscar liveblog #5
yahoo oscars green
Kermit and Miss Piggy in the balcony. Because why not. "It's about TIME Spielberg left some for the rest of us!" she huffs. "How am I going to get down to the stage from here?!" And now you understand why the Muppets, despite everyone's protests, could not have hosted the Oscars. Ah, it's time for Cirque du Soleil. And here, with music by Danny Elfman, is A Tribute to What It's Like to Go to the Movies (yes). I'll have to just find you the clip because I can't blog this. All I know is that they had two of the Cirque people were sitting next to Meryl Streep as part of the routine ("This is SO EXCITING!"), and she was leaning away from them giggling into her golden sleeve the whole time. George Clooney looks intrigued; George Clooney's Girlfriend looks displeased. APPLAUSE.

"Wow!" says Crystal. "I pulled a hamstring just watching that!" It's time for some MONOLOGUING, because we have time. "Christopher Plummer may be walking up on stage tonight... because he may be wandering around." Max von Sydow is also OOOOOLD. OOOOOOOOLD, ALL OF YOU! I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU BUT PLEASE SAVE ME, GWYNETH! She brings in reinforcements: Robert Downey Jr. strolling out with a camera guy and sound guys: "I'm filming a documentary called... The Presenter. PLEASE DON'T TALK WHEN I'M TALKING, IT'LL MAKE POST PRODUCTION A NIGHTMARE. BORING! FEELS SCRIPTED!" "What you're doing right now is disrespectful, and insane--" "I turned down The Descendants for this! We have to have it on Netflix by midnight!"

@christylemire: I kinda don't hate this Robert Downey Jr. and Gwyneth bit.  Just 'cause I could watch him do anything. #Oscars


A TEXT FROM MY MOTHER: what the F???

Documentary (Feature)

    "Hell and Back Again"
    Danfung Dennis and Mike Lerner
    "If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front"
    Marshall Curry and Sam Cullman
    "Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory"
    Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky
    Wim Wenders and Gian-Piero Ringel
    TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay and Rich Middlemas

Winner: Undefeated. Did someone get bleeped? I was regrettably trying to type up the RDJ bit.

Ladies and gentlemen! Chris Rock in a medium fro! He loves animation! Anyone can play anything! "And a black man can play a donkey or a zebra!" Also, "animation [voiceover] is THE EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD! It's not wood stripping! 'It's gettin' dark outside!' AND THEN THEY GIVE ME A MILLION DOLLARS!" Please let him host again. Please. I am begging you from the bottom of my fing.

Animated Feature Film

    "A Cat in Paris" Alain Gagnol and Jean-Loup Felicioli
    "Chico & Rita" Fernando Trueba and Javier Mariscal
    "Kung Fu Panda 2" Jennifer Yuh Nelson
    "Puss in Boots" Chris Miller
    "Rango" Gore Verbinski

Winner: Rango! Gore Verbinski says he's not sure if it was a movie for children (SPOILER: it was), but it sure was made by a bunch of grownups who felt like kids! HURRY UP HURRY UP. Oh God, where are my Tagalongs.

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No, it was really Tony Stark and Pepper Potts...

At least, in my mind. The banter between them is priceless.

Re: No, it was really Tony Stark and Pepper Potts...

I like the way you think!

Re: No, it was really Tony Stark and Pepper Potts...

Thank you! :)

Re: No, it was really Tony Stark and Pepper Potts...

I thought the same, but it's still no Holmes/Watson, as I said earlier.

Re: No, it was really Tony Stark and Pepper Potts...

No, it is not. Holmes/Watson is sublime. Stark/Potts is...well, happiness on a stick that makes me laugh far too much.

Re: No, it was really Tony Stark and Pepper Potts...

Well put.

Chris Rock is the only one who's made me laugh so far.

(Deleted comment)

I hate the Academy on their utter snub on Harry potter.

i mean they deserved either make up or special effects but noooooooo

WHY did HUGO had to come now???


I really, really, really expected Planet of the Apes to win special effects since they did that big push for Serkis to get an actor nomination, so I was shocked when Hugo won. I never expected HP to get it although they should have won it on the dragon alone.

Planet of the Apes really deserved it too. The special effects in that movie are incredible. Straight up uncanny valley incredible.

I was not expecting Hugo to win either.

I agree that RotPotA really deserved that and most definitely *not* Hugo. Deathly Hallows was only slightly below RotPotA, because WETA.

I was... vocally unhappy about that one.

Agreed on this one. I mean I heard the 3D was good, but I was annoyed and surprised at this win for it. Especially over Apes AND HP. Did those movies just happen too long ago for the Academy to remember them, or are they just that biased against sci-fi/fantasy?

They are incredibly biased. :/

(The Academy is made up of, someone made charts breaking this down somewhere on Tumblr, 74% Men, 60-some% white, and 50some% over 60. Blargh.)

Seriously, I really, really want Chris Rock to just knock out Billy Crystal and take over for the rest of the night.

I second this and also a ban on pointless banter like what happened with Emma Stone and Ben Stiller.

Edited at 2012-02-27 03:02 am (UTC)

This is how it's going to go next year:

Chris Rock is basically just going to run a three hour stand-up show where he heckles the people coming onto the stage to accept their awards. Flasks will be distributed to everyone in the audience and they will be encouraged to express their displeasure by throwing stuff from their purses/wallets at the stage.

I would watch the shit out of that

So, the Golden Globes, then?

And now you understand why the Muppets, despite everyone's protests, could not have hosted the Oscars.

Because they won't trust them to be themselves? Yeah, their late night banter can include sexual innuendos and such but I think that would be improving things at this point...

This reminds me of a grade school play/ awards show done by the conservative parents who only allowed G rated films to be shown.

i dont get it. what did the muppets do wrong?

oh, like the muppets did nothing wrong you meant the others did stuff wrong

i got it!

Simply existing?

It's obvious that the Academy doesn't understand them at all despite the Muppets being almost as old as them...58 years young.

No, I meant the part about how are they going to get down--they can't move around a stage because it would reveal the puppeteers. It would be physically difficult to make it happen, and they were only able to do this because the balcony seating hid them.

my childhood will never get to attend the Oscars

But. That's what strategically placed walls and set pieces are for, ask any episode of Sesame Street!

The Muppeteers have never let that stop them...

However, this is my opinion...

When I used to watch Jim Henson on the talk shows, I knew he had his hand up Kermit and was speaking for him but I never really THOUGHT that. When Kermit talked, I watched Kermit, not Jim.

In the last fifteen years, Broadway has had two massive hits with puppets. Both Avenue Q and The Lion King are based around the idea that when people see the puppets talking, they forget the human is there. Even in any interview about people who have worked with Muppets, they admit feeling bad because they will talk to the puppet even if it is the Muppeteer talking.

On Saturday Night Live in November, the Muppeteers wore black to blend into the shadows but could still be seen especially during the closing credits. Did this take away from the enjoyment? No.

Obviously, during the Oscars, the Muppeteers would probably need to wear something more fitting with the color of that stage but it could still be done.

The main thing is you would have to let the Muppets be natural and quippy. The Muppets at their best is how they were on their interviews where they easily fielded questions about everything from their sex lives to Fox News.

This year's show was too safe and thus, boring. Jimmy Kimmel's after party show was way funnier than the awards telecast despite only being an hour including interviews.

At least Christopher Plummer won. That's something.

And he was extremely adorable in his speech. Love him.

I'm so happy! Arngeir won! ♥

(Okay, Christopher Plummer didn't win for his role in Skyrim, but that's all right.)

If they cut out all the extraneous bullshit, they could give every winner 5 whole minutes for their acceptance speeches and still come in under 3 hours. *sigh*

THIS. I could do without the ridiculous sketches.

Exactly and have a decent example of each and every nominee.

We need to get you a DVR, sugar. It will change your life. Or your liveblog. That one.

Edited at 2012-02-27 03:05 am (UTC)

I do have DVR capability now, but the problem is, if I pause it for something like this, I end up running behind and it's not really "live" anymore.

Ugh. As an aspiring voice actor myself, Chris Rock can shove it. There's a little more to it than just walking in, being himself, then cashing the check.

Couldn't stand the whole Robert Downey Jr scene; I'm glad someone else agrees.

And yeah, I think someone was bleeped.

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