Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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msauvage purple
cleolinda
As I just said on Twitter, I keep forgetting that chronic health issues are chronic and that I can't just wait them out. "Oh, I feel like shit today, I'll post/work/exercise once the aches and/or pains and/or anxieties have let up." And then they just... don't, and another four weeks have slipped by. In fact, I'm typing this straight into the "new post" field on my phone because if I try to ~draft~ something, I won't finish it. I wanted to post something, several somethings, more substantial about the last few months, but: ow.

At this point, the best and easiest thing I can think of to do for myself is drink a shit ton of water, healthwise, and try to catch up on some reading, considering that I am specifically in physical pain right now. I feel like there is probably always something you can do for yourself, even if that something is "breathe deep and drink a water."

I have a yearly PCOS checkup scheduled for September, which I think is also when I have my next quarterly med check (for bipolar II, if you do not have my health conditions memorized, she said dryly). You know, I'll go ahead and say--it's a long long story that I don't really know how to start or finish, and so maybe I'm finding reasons to put off more in-depth posts on (subconscious) purpose, but: it seems, based on some preliminary discussion, that I may be on the autism spectrum. I have a referral to a clinical specialist, but I don't think I can afford another doctor's visit right now, or maybe even for 2-3 months.

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It's a comfort that you talk about mental health so openly. It's a subject that's so vast and deep and troublesome. Looking through your post, things started resonating, they made sense. I hope you receive a swift diagnosis and help for it.
I'll be looking into doing the same thing, because finding and reading through that chart put my life into sharp and painful focus.

Please excuse how disjointed this comment is. There's a lot of work, exhaustion, and now emotional hyper-awareness I'm dealing with right now. But thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. Best wishes.

Glad I could help! There's a comment a bit higher up I made about being a scared at first, and how that's okay. I'll write about this more, but I'm also kind of still going through a period of self-consciousness where I'm wondering how I appeared to people all these years, given that I am clearly not as "normal" as I thought I was. (I'll have to go into this as well, but I said this to my mom, and she blurted out, "But you ARE normal! This is how you've always been, this IS normal for you!" Which I thought was sweet.) It's been kind of emotional, maybe still is a little sometimes, but it's something I think can be gotten through okay--best wishes for you too.

Stumbling onto personal research about the way one's brain functions is sort of how I found out about being on the Spectrum, too. I read a bunch of people's, largely other women's, experiences with autism and the crossover among women and girls with depression, etc etc, very similar to what you described in brief for yourself.

So I did MORE digging, some online looooong self tests/questionnaires and came to the conclusion that yeah, yep that is me so much.

And then I mentioned it to my mom and she was all "Oh, yeah, I pushed for you to not be officially diagnosed with it when your were tested in 2nd grade and diagnosed with depression, it had way too much stigma and I didn't want it to hold you up in school because you were academically doing fine." Cue surprised me face.

So yeah. I feel ya.

Hi!! I just randomly happened to check here again. I swore off tumblr as the vicious timesuck that it is and I don't have twitter, so I'm glad to have caught you here even as just a once-off. I've been reading for forever and think you're pretty great. =)

I hope that things get better and you get things figured out mental-health wise. I'm feeling you on the "oh wait this ISN'T EVER GOING TO GO AWAY FML" and just having to Do Shit anyway.

I can't say much that hasn't already been said on this thread, but thank you, again, for being so open about things. You make it easier for me to talk about my own issues and you've given me a lot to think about here. I've often wondered if I was on the spectrum too -- those traits have lessened in me as I've gotten older, but learning how to function in society was a tough, conscious process.

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