*rolls in Narnia stills*

So I saw The Brothers Grimm Friday night (points to icon), and I really liked it. Except it's the kind of movie that you like for the movie it could have been, not the movie it actually is. It's extremely hectic and haphazardly thrown together, and I say this as a Terry Gilliam fan, so it's not like I'm new to his style or anything. If you're a fairy tale buff (I am), you'll love it, but some of the references were worked in better than others. There's one that sticks out so badly that it's little more than five minutes of WTF; the best references are the visual ones that you might even miss the first time around. Okay, look: the gingerbread man is the WTF part. Most of the best touches center around the Mirror Queen, who combines Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel, and Princess and the Pea elements (and maybe a teensy bit of Poe's "The Red Death") without breaking a sweat. Also, she is Monica Bellucci, and she pretty. The missing children in the crypts are a great touch, and while Red Riding Hood and "Hans and Greta" deserve Darwin Awards, they're used to good effect. But then there's a weird Cinderella-glass-slipper/Twelve Dancing Princesses thing with the twelve girls that I didn't quite get because... it didn't really seem to serve any purpose. I mean, the Queen is drinking a potion made of their blood and... they start to tap their toes in the crypts? What does that... accomplish, exactly?

That's the kind of movie it was--great imagery, great ideas, slightly slipshod execution. The movie would zip the characters back and forth between the village of Marbaden and--well, I don't know where Jonathan Pryce's headquarters were, exactly. You'd be sitting there going, "Wait, how did Angelika and the brothers get dragged back to the torture room? Isn't it several miles away? When did that happen?" That, and I spent at least an hour of the movie wanting to stab Peter Stormare and put him out of my misery, but Cavaldi grew on me in the last, oh, ten minutes enough that I forgive him. But Matt Damon and Heath Ledger (especially Ledger) and Lena Headey were all excellent and I would go see it again.

El spam de links:

Summary Executions' greatest hits. Basically, awful fanfic summaries (Harry Potter fics in particular, I think) have been compiled for your reading hilarity. ABSOLUTE favorite: "A story of pain and sorrow, not intented for comfort or laughter...a story that remains untold, on of abuse and blood...telling of a shattered girl who learned to twist a heart of stone into one of warm gold. This is not a story for the faint of heart, nor the happy in spirit. But for those who are able to understand what it means to be hurt...to watch as a girl's spirit is shattered like glass upon concrete. Watch as she melts the young master's heart of ice, and watch as she helps him heal. She has no name, but his...is Señor Draco." Seriously. I am going to start ending random sentences that way. "Where are you going?" "To the grocery store. With... Señor Draco."

Look at the first footnote on this one, as particle_person pointed out to me. Speaking as a Southerner, I can vouch for the truth of this. Hell, you've probably seen me do it myself.

Internet-scam Nigerians are coming to kill us all!!

Tom Cruise's lawyers: "Our client did NOT dress as a girl multiple times!" Defamer: "Wait, multiple times? We didn't hear that part of the story..."

A McSweeney's introduction by Lemony Snicket. Excerpt:

"But if you're a wizard," asked Henry, "why can't you just defeat the Shadow Lord and his army of vicious porcupines with a wave of your wand?"

"That's a good question, young Henry," replied Thistlewing. "You'd better sit down, because I'm going to take the next nine pages to explain what wizards can and cannot do in this particular magical land."

Tags: fandom, fantasy, harry potter, lemony snicket, movie discussion, movies, narnia, scamistan