Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

...smelling naturally of freesia...

OMG, srsly? Oy.

The more I hear about this book, the more I wonder if I did the right thing by giving a copy to my dad’s girlfriend’s teenaged daughter for Christmas.

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," he whispered. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender. . . or freesia," he noted. "It's mouthwatering."

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Lawsy, you've totally convinced me to never read this book.

Sanity one, Stephenie Meyer zero!

My giggly book is Battlefield Earth, cause man, that graveside marriage is so over the top it's tear inducing.

Sadly, the movie isn't* so bad it's good, it's just unwatchably bad.

*fixed that.

Edited at 2008-05-14 07:57 pm (UTC)

Here from pottersues.

Battlefield Earth? I think having read that book makes you a Scilon1 by some accounts.

1. That's the Tom Cruise sort of Scilon, not the Tricia Helfer sort of Cylon. Less hot, more annoying, and significantly more Xenu-crazy.

Re: My thoughts on Twilight, in a nutshell

Heh, I know, I posted a link yesterday.

i started it last night LOL. i got sucked into the ~dazzle~ and lulz of it all. i'd never even heard of it before. i found out what it was when i heard Robert Pattinson was in a new movie.

I think I first heard of it when Eclipse (the third book) hit the top of the bestseller list--it was the first book to crack #1 after Deathly Hallows.

I am so meta-quoting this:

"You're not a neglected orphan sleeping in a cupboard! You're a wizard! You're the bestest wizard of all and you're also great at sports and you had rich, wizardly parents who loved you so much they died for you (but you've still got their money) and also, we brought you birthday cake!"

With permission, of course. :)

Heeee. Thank you for this post. There's been a lot of talk about this book (and the series) over the past few months, but yours is the best perspective I've seen!

I didn't actually believe the thing about sparkly vampires until you quoted that passage. Wow. The hell?

Yeah, there were a ton of things I didn't believe until people quoted me chapter and verse. ("Sparkly? Freesia? BASEBALL?")

Yes, that is the essence of why I like Twilight. It is brain candy. It is mindless, useless, loveable fluff. Does your stuffed pony give real meaning to your life? No, but it's awesome. Same deal.

Also, the second and third books actually have a plot. And a love triangle!

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My curiosity led me to something called "Kitty and the Midnight Hour". If Twilight is a Twinkie, then this is the literary version of the Hostess cupcake, complete with icing thick enough to peel off, and juicy, sweet filling.

It was such a bad/good series that I bought every single book and read all of them on my vacation. It's all about a midnight DJ that is also a werewolf (named Kitty). I lent the first book to a skeptical friend and he came back and grabbed every book I had.

If you want more junk food, I highly recommend it.

Aww, really? I liked the books because they had character development and killed "Werewolf+Werewolf Hunter= TRU LUV LIEK OMG" trope deader than dead. Which isn't to say that it isn't fluffy, but there is worse out there (like the later Kelley Armstrong books).

I think there's a good argument to be made for wish fulfillment to be made with Eowyn. Granted she's not the main character but I find her easier to identify with.

And now I want literary Twinkies. Where did you get the ebook?

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it seems, according to the movies and books these days, that vampires no long have to adhere to vampire "rules." They seem more like over-done goth kids, really. So daylight, entering homes without permission, and crossing bodies of water such as rivers are all acceptable no apparently.

They probably like garlic toast, too.

4) It's totes okay for a guy to stalk you and watch you while you sleep so long as he's hot.

Wait till you get to the third book. There, it's totes okay for your boyfriend to break your car to keep you from going to see someone he doesn't like. A good response to this? Is hitting him up for sex.

Yeah, I heard about that. That, and someone "imprinting" himself on a toddler. I was surprised when the first book was relatively unobjectionable compared to what I'd heard about the others.

"Oh, by the way: for anyone who thinks that Twilight is "deeper" than Harry Potter, ask yourself if you'd be willing to read a book about nothing but Harry and Ginny's tortured love-angst, cutting out every single other plot point in the entire seven-book series."

Oh God, that's ... a brilliant point. And so true. I don't understand why people insist on comparing the two series, because the focus in HP is so insanely different—not to mention Meyer's writing style makes JKR sound like high-quality literature.

Plus, JKR can't write romance for shit, and I think even she knows that. So she doesn't try—much. Except for those bits of HBP. Well, oddly enough, Bella/Edward actually makes HBP!Harry/Ginny sound... very reasonable and well-developed. And that is something I never thought I'd say. Straange.

I actually like H/G, but yeah--since that's one of the elements people complain so much about, imagine if it was nothing BUT that.

I think a lot of the comparison, though, is coming from 1) the Robert Pattinson angle and 2) the huge following angle. I mean, when the HP/LOTR movies were both coming out, there was some tension between the two fandoms, even though the only thing they really have in common is, like, wizards. And there's only, like, two wizards in LOTR as it is. People get defensive and territorial for some reason, I don't know.

Totally OT, but I'm so excited your name is also Lauren! It's so true, we don't get nearly enough cool fictional characters...sigh...

I have never read the books myself, since the wangsty fanmixes by middle school kids was enough to set off warning lights in my head..(also written in 1st person?? EW!) but I LOVE reading snark about them!! HEHEHE! XD

10) There's finally a character named Lauren--my real name--in a book I've actually read, and she's a nasal bitch. THANKS, STEPHENIE MEYER.


I was pointed to your LJ by anemonerose, as I just finished reading Twilight last night. Your assessment sounds like mine - wow, fluffy and sugary and totally brainless, but sometimes you just need that (I've got a cold :P) in which case - it's not a terrible story. If you want high literature, look elsewhere. And my negatives were about the same as yours, too.

I got sent a copy a few months back by a friend who raved about it, and how amazing it was and WOWYOUMUSTREADIT, and then I did and it was sort of like...candyfloss in paper form. With pointy teeth and Adonis wrapping.

I think I'll go see the film for gratuitous "it's so wrong to fancy him but so right", in a sort of naked Daniel Radcliffe kind of way.

One more and then I'll shut up:
Part of why I think the story OF Twilight is cool is because of who Stephenie Meyer is. She was a stay at home mom with four boys, and she had always wanted to write a book. So she did, and it got published, and it was a ROARING SUCCESS and now it's a movie deal. She never intended Twilight to be published- she literally wrote it because she wanted to, and someone just happened to show it someone, and word got around, it was printed, and then it EXPLODED. No, she is not the next JKR (when she writes a 700 page book with a plot that goes from start to finish, I'll start rethinking that, but I digress) but she's arguably the biggest sensation SINCE Harry Potter. Also- HP is over and done with. Sure, the movies aren't done yet, but we all know what happens. Star Wars is done. LOTR is done. His Dark Materials didn't take off like it should have. Narnia is sorta defunct because they waited too long between sequels. POTC is probably done, because Kiera doesn't want to make another one and there's only so long Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom can prance around in pirate garb. Maybe we're just latching on because we WANT another mad sensation?

I think I need to finish my novel then. Because Twilight is pretty awful and if she can get published, damn it so can I.

This is a brilliant analysis. I have read the first three books and I felt a bit bad about liking them so much. I knew they weren't particularly well-written, the heroine wasn't especially likable, and I've read fanfics with far better plots, but I devoured them anyway (mostly due to the points you mentioned).

I think that Cedric will make a wonderful Edward, but something has got to be done about his hair. He's supposed to be perfect, and they've got him looking like Cameron Diaz in a sadly unforgettable scene from Something About Mary. Ick.

Awesome analysis. I wish these books had come out in 1998 because I know I would have eaten that cake up! Back in the day I was obsessed with the supernatural romance series Night World by L.J. Smith (who also wrote The Vampire Diaries - there were sexy vampire brothers who fought over the heroine lol). Night World is getting reissued soon, so I hope she gets a new generation of fans because those books kick Twilight's sparkly ass (or maybe that's just my nostalgia talking).

I read and adored The Vampire Diaries in fifth grade. I actually still own them-- they were my intro to sexyemovampire lit, and I love them like candy to this day. =)

Edward has lived with his parents for 300 years?

Damn. No wonder he's moody.

Technically, they're not his parents--I don't even know that they're old enough to be his parents--and he was born in 1901, so he's not quite that old. (His "father" is about 350 years old, though.) It's basically a group of unrelated people who pretend to be a foster family to escape notice. Because, you know, if I was an immortal, I'd want to make sure social services kept tabs on whether I went to school or not. FOR THE THIRTIETH TIME OVER.

Thank you for posting about this book. And I am ridiculously excited that you didn't hate them--I am seriously sick of having my friends-list filled with posts about how much Twilight sucks and is so terrible, when it really is just a cute peice of brain candy. Will I let my daughter read this when she's 15 and impressionable? No. Will I let my daughter read this when I think she can tell the difference between a fun read and reality? Absolutely.

OH and just wait until Jacob Black becomes a main character, and then you will stab yourself in the head with a spoon.

Welcome to the dark side. We have sparkling vampires? Ahaha, yes.

Also, agreed with every single point in this post.

"New Moon" lacks in hilarity though, so prepare yourself.

Nice analysis. Thank you.

scintillating arms HEE. I would never, ever have thought to use those two words together. Scintillating. Arms. It makes me snorfle.

Despite the ridiculousness of the book, you make great points (in fact, the things you've just written are probably more worthy writing than the book that inspired them, but whatever).

1) I remember back in high school having no clue what was going through some boys' heads (other boys were easier because I was friends with them and didn't have angst about them. It...didn't really occur to me that the boys I wondered about (i.e. crushes) were probably all as mundane as the ones I was friends with. Ah, high school). So yeah, I can see this. Looking back on some of my experiences, I think what may have attracted guys at that point (besides sexsexsex) would have been the gals who a) seemed to have it all together; and/or b) had strong personalities. Not, like, domineering personalities. More like, "not afraid to be who she is." But that's just remembering back on things I saw in high school which was ZOMG so long ago, so that may not be a great theory.

2) but you know he loves you because he's completely different around you. You are an exception to his very nature.

You are so wise, m'dear. That's exactly why girls like the bad boy (if he falls for them). (See also, 10 Things I Hate About You, which kind of has both main characters doing this. Aw, Heath Ledger. *sniff*)

3) Not only do you get to go into the crazy fun world with HP, but (if one is envisioning oneself as Harry) you also get to be a Reluctant Hero - someone who's doing the right thing and saving the world without being arrogant about it (mostly). I think that appeals a lot in regards to wish fulfillment, too; particularly in today's world, where we don't know the precise way to fix things (i.e. kill Voldemort). It would be nice to know you're doing the right thing and get out there and do it and, lo, make the world an instantaneously better place.

"Omg why does he hate me? Why does he not hate me now? Why does he hate me again? Does he like me? Does he not like me? Does he like me again? Omg I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him he loves me!! And he sparkles!"

Hahaha. This is what teenage girls envision happening with their crushes (well, maybe except for the sparkle part) but it rarely does.

Edited at 2008-05-14 08:32 pm (UTC)

Despite the ridiculousness of the book, you make great points (in fact, the things you've just written are probably more worthy writing than the book that inspired them, but whatever).

Well... notice that, in the entire post, I never said that the books were actually good.


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