Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

Edwob Charlisle

Shelob's relative?

this sounds like the novel i wanted to write WHEN I WAS TEN.

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Mel Brooks already did blood fountains and vampires.

Edited at 2008-08-02 05:20 pm (UTC)

I'm going to be sick. She made MONEY FROM THIS CRAP? And worse- the "RENESME" SPOILERS WERE RIGHT???? That just sounded like so much fangirl horseshit that I couldn't believe it and now I'm so not impressed.

Keep posting, plz. The more I read the more I'm glad I didn't spend money on this garbage. :p

This icon is getting a workout.


My husband is over here going, "why do you even care what happens in these books?" Because there's no way I'd buy them, and I just had a total grossout moment there over baby lame-name popping out. Ugh. God, Stephenie Meyer, that ain't cool.

"It starts to take on the subtext that women exist for the sole purpose of being mothers and that's galling, is all I'm saying."

Reason #972 that I'm not Mormon anymore. I don't know if this is the writer's religious beliefs leaking in or if she really feels that way, because in my experience women who DO feel that way are utterly incapable of comprehending the notion of a woman who doesn't. (Exhibit A: My mom.)

Also: Thank god I'm not reading this. Really dreading hearing about it my friend who IS into it... xD

Wow. Just... I have a good friend who only started reading these because she works at a library that had a massive party planned for last night. But, she's actually become a bit of an apologist - the "yeah, it's bad, but..." camp.

But I read your summaries, and all the snark we got going at SF and... I just don't see how anyone who calls herself a feminist as my friend does can possibly excuse the shit that goes on in these books to find any way to sincerely enjoy them. Enjoy them as mock fodder? I get that. But an actual "It's my guilty pleasure" enjoyment? Do. Not. Want.

I keep going all 10th Doctor "WHAT? WHAT?"

I'm still waiting for someone to tell me that these books are all some kind of mass hallucination. Stephenie Meyer can't be serious. Oh my God.

I applaud you for taking one for the team.

Twilight makes me go "What? What? What?" Tennant-style waaay too often.

I already knew Jacob imprinted on Mutant!Baby, but I'd no idea we got that from his point of view. Oh man, this is just awesome. *dies laughing*

Breaking Dawn is so bad. SO BAD. Heee!

You. Are. Shitting. Me.



I'd heard about the imprinting - creepy AS FUCK - but the broken backed bloody death and the venom directly to her heart??

And all the mommies ordered this for their 12-year-olds???

*wets self laughing*

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Wow. Wow, really? This is the plot? It's pretty icky, that's for sure.

I think your description of it is probably more entertaining than the real thing.

The "bitchcraft" line about Rosalie totally cracked me up.

Oh, and Reneesme is a horrible name.

I just went beyond mockery into "OH JOHN RINGOSTEPHENIE MEYER NO". Dear God, that's just horrifying. And how how HOW can you have every last female character rhapsodizing about parenthood while ribs and pelvises and spines are being broken right and left? I think she has being-a-mommy issues.



Edited at 2008-08-02 05:59 pm (UTC)

i....i wish i could come up with an appropriate reaction to this. all i can do is LOL in horror.

That is exactly how I feel. Horror is the new lulz, yay!

Ok, I never ever thought I would say this... but I'm sort of tempted to read this now. It sounds like the most Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu laden RP-log ever in the history of anything, and that sort of drama is pretty tempting.

I swear to God, it sounds like a novelization of some WoD MUSH plot(s).

She just paid some fanfic writer $50 to write this, right?


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Okay, this is just banoodles. I LOVE it.

I have to thank you for bringing the fail and the funny to all of us who are never going to take the time to read this.

Oh God, I was really hoping they'd never mention the toddler imprinting again, and now Jacob's imprinted on a NEWBORN? *twitch*

And LOL, Edward and Jacob want to SHARE Bella? What, like she's Anita Blake or something?

*sighs happily* What a fun day this is shaping up to be.

That was totally my reaction, too! I was all, "Wait, trumuvrate? what?"

Oh, I just realized what Bella’s bruises reminded me of: Rosemary’s Baby. Specifically, when Rosemary finds herself covered in scratches the morning after being raped by Satan. (Anyone who screams OMG SPOILERZ is getting such a slap.)

There is not enough DO NOT WANT in the universe to cover this.

Edited at 2008-08-02 06:00 pm (UTC)

I am so glad I did not go to pick up a copy of this at a midnight crazyfest, err, I mean, book party at Waldenbooks. :D This shit is CRAZY.

God. I just told my hubby we are going to Wal Mart for groceries like now so I can buy this and wallow in the cracktastic story this is.

Wank will be breaking in about 10 hours now? lol.

In all honesty I had never heard of these books till the amusing magazine cover came out for Twilight and now it's like everywhere. I didn't have much interest in reading them but after this post, I now want to read them for they seem like a great source of laughter.


Um, SQUICK. Is Bella seriously still on the "I don't care what happens to me, SAVE MY BABY!" bandwagon? And is it just me, or does Meyer have some realy creepy abortion-is-bad-even-when-the-mom's-life-is-in-danger subtext going on here?

We never do find out what happened with the werewolf paternity drama from the third book.)

I've somehow completely forgotten about that. What happened again?


Someone on the rez had a mother from La Push and a father from another rez... except that when he turned into a werewolf, it became obvious that his real father was someone in La Push, from the Quileute line, and Edward was overhearing (mind-reading) the mental drama.

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So, you're saying, fall in love with a vampire, werewolf threesomes are THE LAW? Not just Anita Blake but Sookie Stackhouse (sorry, forgetting the author)

I think I preferred them back when they just killed you and had subtext.

(sorry, forgetting the author)

Charlaine Harris?


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