Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.


Oh BLESS YOU for this. *loves*

To Ms Meyers,

Get your hands off my Kaiser Chiefs, BITCH!

*snarl*

Excuse me, you mean "unbelievable frustrating."

I don't care that it's an unfinished manuscript version.

I know, I know. But I decided I wouldn't pick on mistakes like that. I mean, yes, a few of those made it into the real published books, but it seemed like it would be insult to injury here, given the leak that caused her to post this in the first place.

Just like an angry kitten that believes it's a tiger.

:: ded ::

... oh wait, that's actually from the book? ;)

*giggle*

And now, my gaming group will be wondering why I'm giggling madly...

Thank you!

He's CRAZY. OMG.

go get a massage or something because that can NOT have been an easy read.

Still, thanks for recapping it in a loltastic way. HEE. XD

My favorite line from The Gift of Fear is "Men are afraid other men will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."

And I agree with your assessment of Edward.

Man, I love that line so much.

Run, Bella, run. I love you too much, for your good or mine.

Um. Wait. Is this... actually a line from the manuscript?

*headdesk*

Yup, page 139. Out of 264...

Okay, Freesia? It smells like Fruit Loops. No one ever thinks of this, but after I mention it they're like "...OH YEAAAAAAH". So go find some next spring, sniff it, and remember what I said about the cereal. It will blow your mind. Edward is attracted to cereal.

...Sexually.

Hee!

(Actually, I don't remember what freesia smells like offhand, except that I had some Bath and Body Works lotion and I hated it. I have issues with floral scents, though--can't wear 'em. Strong or sharp lavender particularly, which is the OTHER option for Bella's scent.)

So....Ms Meyers is going to run this 'idea' of hers into the ground, it would appear. How many different perspectives do you think she could get away with before she beats Anne Rice's record?

a PoMo deconstruction of Anne Rice's vampires as emo whiners

i hope the next book is from the perspective of Anne Rice reading the books.

has anyone ever mentioned you're real cute when you post about twilight?

(You know, I think this would actually be a fantastic book/series if it were openly, straight-up about a psychotic obsessed stalker vampire and the girl just kinky enough to get off on it. Like, if the actual tone and/or theme of the book was that the whole thing was sick, but it was sick in a way that totally worked for them and that's why they were perfect together, rather than Our Love, It Is So Epic and True.)


So... a romantic (and kinky) version of Fowles' "The Collector"?

Re: has anyone ever mentioned you're real cute when you post about twilight?

has anyone ever mentioned you're real cute when you post about twilight?

You know, they have, actually--something to that effect. I think it's that it's the perfect combination of enthusiasm and criticism--it's like, I have to care enough to put this much time and effort into discussion, but I have to have enough to criticize to have something to say. I mean, you can't be all like DUDE THAT WAS SO AWESOME for twenty pages, and you could be all like GOD I HATE THE MERE CONCEPT OF DISASTER MOVIE, but why would you want to spend more than a sentence on it?

I am actually really, really hoping I can find something else to be similarly enthusiastic about, because right now it's just looking like I have a really weird love/hate obsession with Twilight, and it's kind of scaring me. I need to diversify.

Don't you just want to read MORE? xD

I actually think this is your best recap yet, even better than BD. EDWARD CHILVARY SMASH needs to be an icon prontolicious.

it needs to be animated, too.

Half the songs on her playlist I like, and I feel like I need to symbolically trash them from my iPod now. *sigh*

Man, I fucking love your commentaries on, well, everything, but in particular these books. I am DYING to know if Smeyer has read them!

Oh God, I hope not. And yet mine are still more... even-handed... than a lot of people's.

Novels of the nineteenth century: that is pretty much it. And guess what? They're not hiring for those anymore.

You mean this isn't one?

I think it wants to be. And/or that the author wants to be in one.

i can has sparklemotion idea:
"my insecurity has a flavour...freesia"

I knew the role I would play--I had the character down: I would be the villain.

SMEYER WROTE THIS BIT AFTER SEEING TDK, Y/Y?

Also, I wish she'd stop making me feel bad for liking Muse.

Actually, the manuscript is several months old--almost a year, if she gave it to Robert Pattinson when they were filming.

You are officially my hero - I tried to read the manuscript and got six pages in before I nearly hurled. Then I saw that I still had like five hundred to go and said "okay, fuck this, then."

So thanks for presenting this series in a digestible, snark-riffic format so I don't have to actually read any of the books :P -bows down-

Awesome recap, as usual. I get the whole Twinkie scenario, but Edward Cullen is a scary as hell character to be marketing to teenage girls.

I know, dude. I think I'd actually be more okay with the openly creepy/kinky version I was imagining, because at least it would make clear that the relationship was deeply dysfunctional. "This is sick, right? You know this is sick?" would be a constant refrain, probably.

(You know, I think this would actually be a fantastic book/series if it were openly, straight-up about a psychotic obsessed stalker vampire and the girl just kinky enough to get off on it. Like, if the actual tone and/or theme of the book was that the whole thing was sick, but it was sick in a way that totally worked for them and that's why they were perfect together, rather than Our Love, It Is So Epic and True.)

YES. In so many ways, yes. This is a book that I would love to read, and wish I had read in place of Twilight. There's potential, there, in obsessive-conflicted-dangerous Edward and willing-victim Bella, and it really intruiged me. Then there was sparkling and TWU LUV and ... I lost interest. A creepy stalker romance would have been a great read, but it would take actual subtlety and skill to write it well and SMeyer has ... little of either.

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Someone called the books "id fic," which is possibly the most succinct and accurate way of describing the weird power they have.

First of all, let me just say that from reading the very first sentences, I though Edward in Midnight Sun was eerily like Edward from Growing Up Cullen. Like seriously. I half expected him to bust out the scrapbooking stuff. And then I kept going, and it totally is canon now. Big hand for them :)

Also, someone needs to go to SMeyer's home immediately and take away all her Harlequin novels and force-feed her a bucket full of Prozac. She is a grown woman with kids. She is far too old to be so damn emo.

Oh my Lord, I nearly died of glee when Emmett fought the bear and then he complained that it killed the shirt that "Rose" bought him. And you know that going shopping with Edward to get a new one will be hell. Oh, and THE FAMILY MEETING.

Except that she had Emmett playing chess with Jasper. Please, Emmett wouldn't even know how to play checkers.

Oh, this brings massive YAYS -- can't wait for the next installment! And I can hardly pick a favorite part, but...

Van baaaad. Bella freesiaaaa. Edward INTENSE.

...well, that about sums it up, doesn't it? And is way funnier than "not her."

"God, this guy needs to get laid so bad, I can't even tell you"

He's too busy scrap booking and cataloging Bella's every move/breath/whatever in his creepy, stickered-on (yes that is a word, lol) color coded charts.


UMMM all i have to say is that OMG UR ARE EVEN MORE AWESOME THAN ALICE (and yes it is possibly cuz she had that whole "whatever dudes im leaving" thing in BD that as you said yourself made her less awesome) lol

also. I feel the same way you do about the books. they're badly written and make very little sense, and the main character is adora-klutz Mary Sue and ugh they are so frickin frustrating. but i cant stop reading, i just cant. i tried, they sat on my shelves for months after i initially bought them thinking it might be a good read (i read two pages of twilight and was like wtf), but then you went and recapped and i had to know for myself, and that was it man. no worries cuz i totally don't blame you, i thank you for making them even more crack-tacular.



Must join in on the icon love! I cackled merrily. :D

Oh Godzilla, I love you. Please make more of these. For every book in existence.

You're awesome for doing this.

GROWING UP CULLEN IS CANON NOW. That is the most exciting thing to me... I now can't help but imagine Edward listening to Death Cab For Cutie or My Chemical Romance.

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