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My thoughts on Twilight, let me show you them (II)
Actually, I don't have that many, because I'm still processing them. But? SpoilersCollapse )

P.S. Brett the Vet's favorite part was the vampire baseball. And the Cullens in general. And Alice in particular, because she is awesome.

Oh, a message "from Rob and Kristen": apparently New Moon has officially been greenlit. God save us all. But especially Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, from the fans who will be stalking the set.


Suddenly, I understand why my as-yet-unchecked inbox is overflowing. Uh... welcome, readers of io9? I am one of you as well? I hope you come in peace?

ETA: Spoilers discussed in the comments.

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So I decided to embrace the Twilight awful/awesomeness/Twinkieness and went to see the movie and I'm ashamed to say I kind of loved it. I giggled through about 3/4 of it, but like you, I was like, THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE BOOK and I totally also had a moment of OMG PLOT! Amazing!

It was also really fun because I saw it with a friend who (1) was a film major and (2) works in the industry now, so he was completely horrified, and I got to be play "horrify the Twilight noob" before the movie. IT'S FUN!

Congrats on all the recent publicity, Cleo! You rock.

I'm dithering about the movie. I don't want to give over any of my cash to see a bad flick, but I'm also missing out on the sparkles, the snickering and the snark. Crap. What to do!?

Me and the other two lolfans at my work are trying to find a time where we can all go see it together and give it the MST3K treatment (in giggly whispers as not to bother other people, of course)(although I still maintain that L's outburst of "I paid $10 to see shit blow up! Stop talking and start shooting!" at Transformers was totally justified).

LOL, I saw it with friends who'd never read the book and had only heard it was filled with EPIC sparkle vampires and they were really bored. I'd heard a lot more about the books so I got more out of it then they did but the constant slow pans, up the nose shots, and odd scenes that didn't seem to mean anything also finally lost me as well.

Like the scene in the diner with the guy who was Santa Claus when Bella was 4... I was all "wha? why?" and then I figured that he was the guy that creepy vampire tracker guy killed on the boat, maybe, don't know, not actually sure if that was the same dude. Was that the same guy? I'm sort of thinking it was otherwise why the scene at the diner?

Still, from all the reviews I've seen it does seem that people who read the books got way more out of it. Mostly I thought they should have cut more of the long pans of Edward/Bella/scenery/smoke/Edward/montage of maybe interesting conversation that has a song over it and instead actually shown Edward and Bella talking more.

Bella's dad seem to be the most likable character for my friend. My other friend left about 30 minutes before the end cause he couldn't take it. =/ I just sort of thought it was boring... with some slight interesting bits peppered through it.


I think it was the same guy? I don't even know. That wasn't even in the books as it was.

You already know how I feel about this, so I'll just say SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE BOOK YES. ;]

I'm taking my Dad to see it tomorrow (yes, my DAD, guffaw), I just hope he's not too insulted that Charlie's 'stache is better than his own.

OMG True Blood 12 tomorrow! I cry!

I just read through that i09 post (which I had the sinking feeling was simply copypasta-ing your LJ posts on Twilight--I swear I recall every single link from your entries), and it was pretty well-researched (if we consider my hypothesis on their source is true, it shoud be).

The comments weren't as hilarious as I thought it should. The Twilight (the book--because seriously, the movie fans seem to love the movie for VERY DIFFERENT reasons entirely from the book fans) fans have descended in droves, and instead of bringing in the hilarity, they were a totally dull, uninspired, and a plain headache to read through. Sort of like the book (which I confess I skimmed through right after reading the summaries in Cleoland).

so... uh... I don't know if this was intentional...

but I died laughing at the exchange Bella and Edward had about the lack of "moats" around the house.

'Cause, y'know, the big controversy about that being one of the major misspell/bad grammar incidents in the first book...

I find myself wondering, is Melissa Rosenberg taking a stab at Smeyer? "I CAN OUT-WRITE YOU WITH BOTH HANDS BEHIND MY BACK, *AND* I CAN CORRECTLY USE THE WORD 'MOATS' IN A SENTENCE. SUCK IT!"

OH SNAP I didn't even catch that. That would be so awesome. And it would make more sense, because at the time I was like, "Why would anyone think vampires had moats?"

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view from a third row seat

the view from my unfortunate third row seat also showed the outline of contacts... with all the eye close up shots in this movie, you'd think someone would have blurred that out...

Among other things, I agreed with this:
it was SO MUCH BETTER than the book


I also loved Charlie (and his subplot). Generally speaking I thought the film made everyone more interesting, which makes me look forward to NEW MOON, because I want to like Jacob (and I did like the Jacob I saw last night), but he's such a douche in NEW MOON that I alternated between inappropriate laughter and tears the day I read that one.

"As long as I'm going to hell" line not sound stupid. My hat is off to you, man.

I loved his delivery of that line. It took on a whole new dimension. I'm new to Robert Pattinson, not having seen any of the Harry Potter flicks, so I found his take on Edward to be quite refreshing and dead on. Plus, he's hot.

Looking forward to the full review!

LOLarious! Loved it, had a fun audience with no fangirling. Everyone seemed to be more or less in on the joke. My favourite part was how EXCITED Emmett was to be chopping someone up and burning 'em.

I was initially very confused with Eric; initially I was like 'So, Eric's gay now? Like, really gay?'

I also love how ~representative~ small-town Forks was. East Asian? Check. South Asian? Check. Black dude? Got it.

I had a lot more fun than I was expecting, loved the baseball, which surprised me, and loved crazy Alice and her too-graceful pitching.

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It wasn't even a matter of whether his accent was good or bad--I swear, I listened pretty closely and I don't think it ever slipped--but the fact that, for some reason, when British actors do American accents, they generally end up talking at a slightly higher pitch. So I know exactly what you mean, I sat there the whole time being like, "His voice is usually deeper than that, weird." And with all the crazy hilarious interviews lately, we're maybe more aware of what his voice really sounds like than we would have been otherwise.

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THIS WAS AN UUUHMAAAAAAAAAAAZING MOVIE. I'm not kidding, I have not laughed that hard at a movie in a very long time.

It was just so brilliantly awkward. Almost all the tension came from awkwardness - awkward silences, awkward relationships, awkward dialogue - basically, every time Bella interacted with anyone I was just LOLing all over the place, especially with Edward.

Things I genuinely liked:
- Charlie. His relationship with Bella was realistically awkward, but it was clear they actually cared for each other, something that doesn't come across in the book at all. He and Billy Black were cute beyond all reason - wtf wheelchair tag? It was also nice to have him actually actively involved in the story (and LOL forever at the pepper spray and the shotgun).
- Bella. No, really,she had so much more personality in the film. It was a bitchy personality, yes, but that's true in the books, too - on the rare occasions that she shows a flash of being anything other than a total doormat, she's bitchy and sarcastic.
- The Biology teacher. I liked that he totally failed to react to Bella. I liked that he interacted with his class on the field trip.
- Some of the cinematography. The landscape shots were just fantastic.
- James, Victoria, and Laurent. They were actually somewhat interesting, and even a little scary.
- The display of graduation caps, in chromatic order. That was actually funny and ironic in a deliberate way.

Things I liked partly because they were well-done and partly because they were LOLarious:
- Eric. OMG ERIC. Super cute. Super gay.
-The rest of the normal humans besides Angela (which made me very sad, because I love the hell out of her in the books). They were cute and dorky and very REAL (except Jessica on occasion - I'm pretty sure nobody ever actually says things like "I though people from Arizona were all ~tanned~").
- EMMETT MOTHERFUCKING CULLEN. Backwards baseball cap. Popped collar. Waves hello with a kitchen knife. BROTACULAR. (My brother made it his mission to make as many "bro jokes" as possible the minute Emmett came onscreen). Also, he apparently never actually rides inside of cars, just on top of them. That's hardcore.
- Rosalie the Superbitch and her awesome shoes.
- The baseball game, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Things I loved because they were just so awkward and hysterically funny:
- Basically every time Edward opened his mouth. That time he couldn't answer Bella about his eyes and just... turned around and left. His emo self-hatred. RPattz's inability to keep a straight face. His expression the first time he got a whiff of Bella. LOL IT IS INDEED PROPHASE. THE SUNGLASSES
- The Slo-mo of Awesome when the Cullens/Hales first appear. LOL FOREVER. How totally snobby they are.
- SPARKLE MOTION. You know those ads for Gatorade where the athletes all sweat Gatorade-colored liquid? IT WAS JUST LIKE THAT, only iridescent and rainbow and REALLY REALLY GAY. (I have such hopes for Sethward now.)
- All the super close-up shots of people's faces, especially eyes. Particularly the showdown at the baseball game, which was basically five minutes of cutting back and forth between shots of various people's eyes.

Things that disappointed me:
- Alice. She was weird, but that was it. She lacked the extreme awesome I know she has.
- Angela. WTF, where did her awesome and sanity go? Where is Ben?
- Some of the cinematography was rather shitty.


My friend, my brother, and I went on Saturday night. We snuck in some Bacardi Silver to pour into our Cokes, and it really did make everything funnier (though my friend didn't buy enough because she didn't realize that my brother was coming and so my buzz was pretty much gone by about halfway through). The theater was only somewhat full, and while there were two separate groups of screaming teenagers, on below us that was clearly someone's 13th birthday party, and one behind us and to the right, a lot of the audience was made of people laughing their asses off. Quite frankly, I don't even remember what actually happened during large chunks of the film, only that I was screaming with laughter for much of it, and got progressively louder n my snarking because only one douche behind me seemed annoyed, and other people laughed, including the point where I had a sudden epiphany and loudly exclaimed "This is pornography!" It really, really was, too. The kissing scene in Bella's bedroom (which elicited extremely high-pitched shrieks from the fangirls) was actually really, but the point where it really hit me was at the climax of the action (LOL SHE SAID CLIMAX), when Bella, having been bitten by James, is heaving and gasping and moaning on the floor while Edward and James slam each other up against walls, grope each other, snarl, breather heavily, and generally make out without actually kissing - and then Edward sucks the poison out of Bella's arm, and while he is struggling to control himself and stop, Bella essentially comes so hard that she passes out. (While hilariously, in the background Alice, Jasper, and Emmett basically dance around the fucking bonfire they have made out of James's body, because it's totes time for a rockin' party. After Alice simply jumps up and snaps his neck while the boys hold him.)

*I think I will just post this in my own LJ

the only reason i want to see this movie now is to go and think of all the amazing Cleolinda Snark and giggle through it. and i have TwiTards for friends, and they will hate me. it'll be awesome.

...heh. i can't wait for Rosalie's 'My Monkey man'

Well, you know, Cleo, I loathed the book, but I may put forth the effort and see this movie.

What have I got to lose?

I am so glad I found your blog. This is the first time I found found other people who can see just what a ramble Twilight is. It never ends. Altogether for about 1000 pages. All I can think about is what a waste of trees.

Again thank you, and I think I have an unhealthy crush on what you write!

Hey, as long as you're not watching me sleep, we should be okay.


I went with my step-mom and step-sister, both of whom are huge fans of the books. My sister kept shouting out things like, "it's not YELLOW!!!" when they showed Bella's room/bed and "WHY ISN'T SHE WEARING THE SKIRT AND TURTLENECK?!" and I was like, "really? that's what's important to you?? And then at the end, my step-mom was saying that it was okay, but "it didn't have the overwhelming emotion and breathlessness that the book did," and in my head I was wondering where in the hell she'd read all that from. :\ But yeah, I went for the lulz and got them, but unfortunately had to stifle them for fear of getting yelled at by my family. ^_^;

Yeah, I actually heard that someone complained that his couch wasn't black, which is why I put that in the Fifteen Minutes thing. Couch color: srs business.

No one screamed? At my cinema they screamed when we caught a glimpse of a Polaroid of Edward's hair from a distance -_-.

Sparkling sucked. Charlie-with-gun rocked. James was hawt.

I thought you would have mentioned The Great Arm Biting. I actually thought he was making out with her wrist- I almost fell off my chair laughing.

Oh, and of course, when she kisses him and instead of pushing her away he pretty much attacks her. Then flies backwards.


The funniest thing to me was how before the movie started, everybody was clapping and cheering for the Half-Blood Prince trailer, and when twilight ended, everybody just got up and left lol.


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