OH GOD, EDWARD DOLLEN IS HERE.

"That wasn't a good scream! THAT WASN'T A GOOD SCREAM!"

Look, I just saw a tiny glimpse in my email and I was kind of traumatized but I haven't looked at the whole picture yet--

(Eowyn is sort of shifting back and forth on the balls of her feet in a very anxious fashion.)

Okay, look: everyone gather around, we're only going to do this once.



"Do they have Alice yet?"

No, sweetie--I don't know if they're going to have an Alice at all. He said it would depend on how well Edward and Bella sold.

"Oh. Okay then." And White Arwen goes back to... whatever it was she was doing. Counting butterflies, perh--wait, you too, Fugagorn?

"Look, this IS relevant to my interests," he says. He looks a little... drained. So... touché.

Okay then--everyone's here? Hold on:










There is a very, very long silence.







"Oh, sweet God."

"Congratulations on being a creeper even in doll format, dude."

"Well... kudos on The Hair, at least...?"

"Okay, NO. For starters, his hair is WAY too dark. It's supposed to be a bronze but her hair is red and--"

DON'T HIT HER, ANNA!

"Well then YOU smack some sense into her! Did you know she's been reading your books?"

"ANNA!"

"Yeah, THAT'S RIGHT. You ever wondered where her belty-sashy whatever went? Well, she's been using it as a bookmark. Go look! GO LOOK!"

"LAY OFF, VALERIUS!"

LOOK, WE WILL TALK ABOUT THIS LATER!

"Yeah... we have bigger problems right now. Edward is freaking me out, and Bella's bitchface is severely inadequate."

"That really is a very nice jacket he's got, though. You get him the sunglasses, it might be okay."

Oh God. I am not looking forward to waking up and having that staring me in the face.

"YOU ARE REALLY SERIOUSLY GOING TO BUY THAT?"

Well, I mean--they always update the pictures as time goes on, they always go through a couple of prototypes! Lyra's face changed! Elizabeth's face changed! It'll get better! DON'T HIT ME, ANNA!

"ALL OF YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MINDS! ALL OF YOU! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE!"

SANTA WILL NOT BRING YOU ANY WEAPONS IF YOU GO ON LIKE THIS, ANNA!

"I DON'T CARE!" she shouts, storming off. "YOU ARE NOT PUTTING THEM ON MY SHELF, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I AM NOT HAVING THAT SHIT! BELLA MOTHERFUCKING SWAN AND THAT FUCKING CREEPER, YOU TRY IT, YOU JUST TRY IT! "

MAYBE I WON'T PUT THEM ON YOUR SHELF! MAYBE IT'S NOT YOUR FUCKING SHELF!

"Look, we'll figure something out," says Galadriel soothingly. "They won't come out until early next year anyway, and who knows what they'll look like by then?"

"Yeah," Eowyn says dejectedly. "Maybe his hair will be the right color by then."

"And he really does have a very nice jacket."

So Galadriel's shepherding everyone back to The Shelf (Anna is sulking over on my nightstand, stabbing my herbal sleep mask with her dagger) and something on the shelf below her happens to catch my eye. I pick it up--I'm sure you can guess what it is--and open it to the page with the white and gold belt hanging out.

His gold eyes grew very soft. "You said you loved me."

"You knew that already," I reminded him, ducking my head.

"It was nice to hear, just the same."

I hid my face against his shoulder.

"I love you," I whispered.

"You are my life now," he answered simply.

Eowyn sidles up, looking very embarrassed. "So... sorry I was reading your book and all..."

"No, no, it's cool... you can read anything you want. Look, I'll get you..." I have some little blue ribbons among the clutter on my desk--I think they were tied on a couple of Webkinz or something--and I put one in the book to keep her place and give her the belt back. She gives me a shy little smile and goes back to dish with Purple Arwen and Galadriel.

Y'all, I have got to get that girl a Faramir.

(More from the Secret Life of Dolls.)

Tags: books, dolls, lord of the rings, movies, sparkle motion, the secret life of dolls, twilight, van helsing
Current Mood: ... dazzled?