Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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Gerald would be proud
onoz
cleolinda
What is the point of Twitter, you ask? What's it any good for? Well, customer service, for one. To catch you up, a package went missing in transit, and last night I was bitching on Twitter, as you do, and the following exchange happened:

cleolinda: Aw, HELL. I was expecting a package, and UPS claims it was delivered on MONDAY. And I was home. And it wasn't. That's not good.

cleolinda: Okay, unless I'm misreading this--the tracking thing says it was delivered to PENNSYLVANIA?

cleolinda: UM WTF THAT IS NOT MY HOUSE

cleolinda: Okay, it looks like the package started in PA, got here, something happened, and it bounced back to PA.

[various replies from concerned readers]

ThomasAtUPS: @cleolinda: Evening. This is Thomas with UPS Interactive Communications. Anything I can do to help you?

cleolinda: @ThomasAtUPS: Sure, I'm trying to find a package that seems to have bounced back to PA where it originated, and was signed for there.

ThomasAtUPS: @cleolinda: Okay. And the sender doesn't have it, I'm guessing. We can follow up on that for you if you don't mind sending an email for me.

cleolinda: @ThomasAtUPS: Sure, no problem.

ThomasAtUPS: @cleolinda: Excellent. Please send the Tracking Number and your contact info to upsfeedback[at]ups.com and we'll follow up in the AM.

cleolinda: @ThomasAtUPS: Awesome, thanks.

ThomasAtUPS: @cleolinda: And by the way, your Twilight commentaries are absolutely brilliant. Good work.

And then I died.

It's a long story, but The Package was being sent by someone to me; I was not the person who placed the order, so it was me and The Sender who were trying to jointly figure this out, emailing UPS and The Company in Question back and forth (look, all will be revealed down the line, okay?), and then Thomas the UPS Dude rides in to save the day. This morning, he tweets (man, no offense, Twitter, but I hate having to say that I "tweeted" something), "Just to let you know, [The Sender's] email was just escalated to Customer Concerns, so you should expect to hear from them shortly." An email from UPS to The Sender confirms this; she forwards it to me.

cleolinda: Email: "Since it sounds like you still need assistance with this shipment, I asked our Corporate Customer Relations team to get involved.

cleolinda: This group is essentially our SWAT team for special customer issues." BEST MENTAL IMAGE EVER.

cleolinda: Instead of black, they're all in brown, rappelling into a warehouse somewhere. "THE TWILIGHT GIRL NEEDS HER PACKAGE! MOVE MOVE MOVE!"

cleolinda: There's snipers and tear gas, and then a car blows up.

emjwriter: @cleolinda I would absolutely go see that movie. And bring as many people as I could find.

cleolinda: @emjwriter I absolutely imagine this as the beginning of M:I 3, except with my package tied to a chair instead of Keri Russell.

foresthouse: @cleolinda "ON THE DOUBLE. OUT THE DOOR. NO, WE CAN NOT STOP ON THE WAY THERE. EVEN IF WE'RE RUNNING LOW ON PACKING TAPE."

cleolinda: @foresthouse BRING THE FOAM PEANUTS IN CASE WE HAVE TO JUMP

ThomasAtUPS: @cleolinda We have discovered what happened! A voicemail has been left with the sender, asking her to call for an explanation.

cleolinda: SWAT TEAM WAS SUCCESSFUL. INTEL CURRENTLY BEING DECRYPTED.

My personal suspicion is that The Package simply got bounced back to The Warehouse because of an innocent address mixup (again: long story), and once The Company confirms that it's there, it'll be back on the road. The Company's email was also pretty funny, except that telling you what it said would give the game away. Seriously, I am of the opinion that all of this was COMPLETELY WORTH IT, just for the hilarity it has brought into my life.


ETA: Oh, man, it's time to trot out the Gerald Story for the relative newcomers, isn't it?


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THAT IS THE AWESOMEEST THING THIS MONTH, FOR REALS

Will you let us know what it said once you've revealed the mysterious package?

I suspect it's not half as funny as I think it is--everything about this is just absolutely hysterical to me right now--but yeah, I will.

I LOL'd just reading that. :D

This is a nice addition to the drama that is SLoD. Your life is just full of action and excitment!

No, see, I (apparently) have the gift of making you think my life is full of action and excitement. It is actually so very, very boring.

UPS watches your Twitter and reads your commentaries! The world, it's too small.

No, it's just that Alabama is the centre of the universe, apparently. ;-P Not that the UPS don't (doesn't?) have great taste.

I would totally see that movie.

I've been having a really crappy day, and reading the Saga of the Missing UPS Package put a smile on my face. Thanks.

The awesomeness on Twitter almost makes me want to get an account...I'll probably cave in the next month or so.

I love the package drama! Oh, please let it be a future Shelfian! (Though I'm sure it's starting to get a little crowded?)

The awesomeness on Twitter almost makes me want to get an account...I'll probably cave in the next month or so.
I feel the same way! I am so anti-Twitter, but I hear stories like this and want to have some of my own!

I hope they update it to, like, Super Ultimate OMG Priority First Class shipping so that we can find out the whole story soon!

Sorry to digress from the subject matter, the UPS adventure being amazing and all, but...

This icon made me squee. With joy. And such.

Just thought you should know.

^,^

INTEL DECRYPTION IN PROGRESS. PREPARE FOR EXTRACTION OF PACKAGE. OPERATION SPARKLEPIRE IN PROGRESS.

(Deleted comment)
LOLOL this is one of your best entries ever. Seriously.

geez. I've never known UPS to be so attentive or helpful. You really ARE magic!

Either the novel will be published in weekly installments on the website for free, or the plug will be pulled on the project altogether.

This person is the most brilliant self-promoter of fanfiction I have ever seen. I wish I'd thought of it.

I know, dude! If her object was genuinely to publish this as a book, she's an idiot. If her object was actually to promote her fanfic? EVIL GENIUS.

I love this story. I seriously do. It's amazing.

ROTFLMAO, seriously I needed this laugh today.

OMG LOL


NO DOUBT, SOMEONE WORKING FOR UPS MUST'vE BEEN ON YOUR WATCH LIST AT TWITTER AND HERE OR SOMETHING.

OH HELL. MADE MY DAY.

Near as we can tell, he has an alert of something for whenever someone posts about "UPS" and if the tweet is bitching about how stupid UPS is, then he swoops in with an offer to help. So he also skims a lot of tweets about "sit ups" and "ups and downs" "fuck ups".

hahaha, I love that image, of brown SWAT.

omg.

UPS is currently made of win, lol.

Hee! This was keeping me amused on Twitter all day at work.

Also, a few days ago my friend was asking on Twitter for recommendations on a good website to buy a duvet. I tweeted (ew) that I'd gotten mine on Overstock.com and that they had a lot of good deals there. Right after that, I had a reply from the Overstock Twitter that was like, "Thanks for the recommendation! I hope you enjoy your duvet!" TWITTER IS SO CREEPY I LOVE IT.

AHHHHHHH. It's like, I'd be wigged out if it weren't so awesome.

I don't have a Twitter, but a friend of mine does and she "tweeted" (that so doesn't sound right) 100 times in an hour and got temporarily banned.

Just a heads up.

I'm resisting Twitter with all my might.

Yeah, it's... I have a friend who goes off on multi-tweet rants that really, really would be better suited to a blog post. (He has a blog. He never writes there anymore, though.)

I don't use Twitter as a blog or instant-messaging replacement. That's the trick. 140-character rants, or a short volley of @-replies when you and your friends strike a groove, and then you back away from the phone/webpage/Twhirl/whatever. *wry grin*

Bibliotech linked this, which is why you are getting random new people saying 'hi!', but that is the funniest thing I have ever read. And I don't know if it's better or scarier that the lines are blurring!

ThomasAtUPS: @cleolinda: And by the way, your Twilight commentaries are absolutely brilliant. Good work.
HA HA HA HA THAT IS AMAZING.

Seriously, I am of the opinion that all of this was COMPLETELY WORTH IT, just for the hilarity it has brought into my life.
I AGREE.

A friend of mine had a similar experience; he, ew, tweeted about a software issue he was having, and within minutes, he got a response from the software company about a fix. Twitter is pretty crazy. I really don't know what I would do with it if I signed up because there's just too much volume, but I kind of want to do it just to encourage more ridiculousness like this in my life.

I really have to think it's only like this because Twitter is so relatively small at this point. If it gets to be hugely populated, I don't know if we'll continue to see stuff like this--or who knows, maybe we will; maybe companies will just put more employees on Twitter Duty.

What's totally hilarious for me is as I was reading this, I had the Infernal Affairs II soundtrack playing and the track that was playing at that moment (track 9, I don't know the actual name of the song because it's in Chinese) was PERFECT for picturing UPS SWAT rappelling and yelling and doing other SWAT-like things. Very tense, action-filled movie scene in my head and it had my LOLing. :D

Does that song go with my icon?

(I'm sort of on a mission to find music it doesn't go with. ;))

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