Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.


No, there are no dolls hidden in the pictures

I'm glad you said this because I would have spent a lot of time looking...

I'd kind of love to see what would happen if Bella were given this cookbook.

I have that cookbook, and now my Wookie Cookies are legendary. Bella probably would hate it though, since neither it nor it's source material was written by Shakespeare or a woman who lived (however briefly) in the 19th Century.

Additionally, I was just a little freaked out when she called Arwen Erin, I got all the other jokes, but I guess I'm pretty blind when it come to my own name.

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You weren't kidding about the Wall O' Text. TLB Braindump, GO!

Evelyn, Laura and Blondie! Bwahahah! *grin*

Noooo I refuse to have sympathy for Bella Swan! You can't make me. You can't - damn it, you're actually kind of doing it.



I was just about to go "Aw, poor Bella" and then she went and dissed cupcakes.

So... This Bella is super-cranky (if less prone to illogical swooning) and you're thinking about getting another one?

Bring it. Bring it all. I can see it now.

TONNER EDWARD: Mine has long, beautiful rooted hair.

LITTLE EDWARD: (ignores him)

TONNER EDWARD: Mine fell in love with me right away instead of bitching at everyone for six months.

LITTLE EDWARD: (ignores him)

TONNER EDWARD: Mine doesn't waste her time making unpalatable desserts.

LITTLE EDWARD: YOU TAKE THAT BACK; THE APPLE TARTS ARE DELICIOUS!! (tackles him)

TONNER EDWARD: Not the hair! Not the hair!

Edited at 2009-06-30 12:54 am (UTC)

but dang, turn off the Dashboard Confessional and get a freakin' grip

This was the point where I laughed out loud.

I wound up snorting and saying, "take a page from your own book, maybe?" Gah.

AHAHAHA! I LOVE that she doesn't get anyone's name right. "Evelyn" in particular cracked me the hell up.

You are the best, Ms Cleo, for stocking us all up with teh happy.

Can I have "Go art or something" for my new catchphrase? :-) I'd try it on my goddaughters, but they're a little young yet.

That is my favourite line: "I finally broke down and gave him the Emergency Crayons and told him to go art or something."

Okay, Bella Freakin' Swan pouring her heart out to a cactus was pretty dern awesomesauce, but I still cannot get over this, which is easily the best part of the entry:

"My tiny angel--if she could forgive my enormous monstrosity--my monstrous enormity--she could be my tiny Fay Wray."

I...words: I don't even...no, I can't...no. It defies them.

I laughed so hard that I scared my gf. Just saying'.

I hate that you've made me feel sorry for Bella Swan, regardless of incarnation.

I don't care how angsty and lonely she is, if Bella keeps dissing TLE I'm gonna reach into the screen and smack her.

Douchey Edward is on his own, though this? My tiny angel--if she could forgive my enormous monstrosity--my monstrous enormity--she could be my tiny Fay Wray. Made me guffaw. "Enormous monstrosity--my monstrous enormity" sounds like Victorian porn.

Yep. I'm all, "Putting you on notice: BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR OUR LITTLE SPARKLE COWBOY."

Like, I'm not saying they need to bounce around like cheerleaders or something, but dang, turn off the Dashboard Confessional and get a freakin' grip. And stop STARING at me.

xDDDD for some reason that led me on the tangent of what it would be like if the littlest bella read new moon....

The old toothpaste-in-the-sleeping-sock trick, works every time. TLB needs to retaliate, stat. Maybe it would gain some of the tougher girls' respect. It's like prison, either retaliate or become someone's bitch, right?

I really can't believe she's so cold to TLE. Yes, he's weird, but it's not like he's Mike Newton, for crying out loud. I guess she hasn't gotten close enough to smell his sweet cool breath that smells like flowers and cinnamon rolls and saltwater taffy or whatevs. Ew.

Has it occurred to Bella and Elizabeth that they share the same last name? That would weird me out.


I still don't even understand what the problem was with book or movie Mike Newton -- he just had the audacity to be nice and interested in her. I guess Bella doesn't care for that, hence her problem w/TLE.

Whenever I think of TLB and Big Edward's, er, romance I keep remembering that icon of Hagrid's Dad an the cave.

I do feel more sympathetic to TLB now, she's not easy to get along with but she has a point about the deck being stacked against her before she even came.

You have a good point, but every time she forgets someone's name I'm back to square one. I suck at names, too, but at least I try. Come on, now, Bella, I bet you'd like Legolas, at least.

*sigh* Oh, Littlest Bella.

The purple was important because I also illustrated my poems with Very Dramatic Abstract Artwork (medium: Crayola).


LOVE for Bella's misnamings. And seriously, Cleo, I think we should all be a liiiiitle worried at how well you captured her voice. Except I was exactly that way, too. At Bella's age. *hides* I was going through my old backup disks from long-dead computers this weekend and found a series of poetry from Arwen and Eowyn's perspectives about Aragorn... aka thinly colored-over fo the (incredibly flamey) guy I thought I was OMGZINLOVEWITH. And wow. Just... the fact that I wrote a whole freaking ten-sonnet sequence about some guy who now lives in his mother's basement and plays the piano at churches for a living ... yeah. But still, Oh, oh Bella.


(Also, the twigs and tooth-paste thing made me choke. *Sporfle* It's SO nice to have a working laptop again so I can actually read the SLOD updates when you write them... at least if I have to be partially bed-ridden I can do so while being amused!) <333333333333333333

*gets to part about 'my tiny Fay Wray* ...BwahahaHAHAHAHA *wheeze, wheeze, pant* HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, oh my, that's...honestly, I can't breathe over here. The mental images. The jokes...oh man, too many punchlines, can't choose! Brain overload.

Ahem, sorry. Anyway, I was actually -almost- sympathetic to Bella, until she turned up her nose at cupcakes. Cupcakes are -never- played out, missy. Especially if they have sprinkles. So if you don't like it...well, go make brownies or something instead. Just don't let Legolas near them, or I have a feeling they'll end up as a different sort of brownie than you'd expect. Though if -anyone- could use a taste of "special" brownies to mellow her out, I'd say it's Bella. And maybe some for Anna too.

(sigh) And now so many schools and parents want to ban birthday cupcakes. Because that's why kids are fat: single-serving, portion-controlled sweets that are served on specifically special occasions.

I'm trying to figure out what would happen if TLB read Twilight. Would she sympathize with herself, or would she too realize how annoying her own narrative is and shape up?

Really the universe would probably implode or something.

The squick factor of Giant Edward's Madonnafying is enormous. TLE better start stepping up!

It gives me hope that TLB thinks the Edwards are creepy. Shining, girl power, happy hope. :'D She will totally wear the pants when she gets together with TLE AND IT WILL BE AWESOME. But I think Bigward needs to read... aww shoot, what is that book called... You said something about it making you aware to creepers a bazillion years ago, I don't know. It would hopefully open his eyes on how freaky he's being.

Anyway, this was a really great entry. Thanks for cheering me up!

I believe that would be The Gift of Fear, of which I would hand out free copies on the street if I could.

Edited at 2009-06-30 12:04 am (UTC)

Possum wants cake...

I laughed so loud, I woke up the neighbor's cat. In the apartment downstairs. And then I snorfled oatmeal. I didn't even know that was possible!

After Tonner Edward's speech, I had to hunt down the picture of all the dolls showing their relative heights, just so I could properly explain to those around me why I was laughing so hard.

I also loved the rooster story like whoa. You're truly talented to be able to make real life* occurrences just as funny and engaging as your fictional writing.

(I almost wrote 'everyday', but then I realized, rooster in the yard? Not so much.)

Heh, thanks. An ability to tell stories (apparently) is what I get instead of an interesting life.

Ah yes, I remember my "I Hate The World" phase well.

good entry. :> I enjoyed it, as always :D

The mental image of TLB as Tonner Edward's Fay Wray...wow, lady. Awesome. Although I somehow doubt she would scream - she'd probably just whine and roll her eyes until he put her down.

I made a mix CD and named it "As the Vampire Sparkles". It's full of songs that remind me of Twilight, which makes me crack up in my car.

Not gonna lie, I can kinda see where Bella's coming from. I mean, she's whiny and whatnot, but everyone pretty much hated her from the get-go. I don't know, she just seems really lonely.

You should give TLE a Barbie car or something. The Littlest Volvo would be so cute.

I agree to the last part. TLE def needs The Littlest Volvo. It would help him man-up a bit. He currently spends his days combing pony tails, so yeah, I think he could use a little push in the right direction. (Don't get me wrong, I am hoping for a TLE/TLB ending eventually =) )

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