Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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I can't believe I'm doing this
Okay, look. I can't be at the computer a whole lot and I can post links even less, particularly since I'm cleaning madly for the lunchtime electricians, but we have got to get a few things out of the way because this is the subject of half my inbox this morning:

Yes, I have seen the sparklecock. Yes, you too can now own your own unofficially Twilight-themed glitter dildo. Well, technically I haven't looked at it yet, although I have read the description ("THROW IT IN THE FRIDGE FOR THAT AUTHENTIC EXPERIENCE"?), because I am on the family computer and I will never, ever be able to explain this.

And yes, Edward's life-size shadow can watch you while you use it.

Excuse me, I have to go bleach my mind's eye now.

(Also, Amazon's Tonner prom exclusive Bella has her own little leg cast. Apparently the doll's product name--the way the SDCC Edward exclusive was "Hungry"--is "Turn Me." I... I really don't like thinking about all three of these items being in the same room.)

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Not as much lubrication -- popsicles melt, after all.

I sometimes feel like the internet's official Kink Educator. Unfortunately the Sparklecock is another reason why. *sigh* Yes, some people (not just women) have actually used ice/frozen things/chilled glass dildos. Yes, it is a matter of lubrication and condom coverage. I blame my habit of reading ALL MANNER OF THINGS on the web for this knowledge. *facepalm* Sometimes I'm too curious for my own brain health.

One really has to ask WHY?! in this particular situation. There are already tons of glittery adult toys out there already, and people do use them with imagination in mind. YOU DID NOT HAVE TO MAKE A TWILIGHT SPECIFIC ONE. Agh.

Cleo, your comment about it was FTW. Especially this: "IT CAN'T BE AUTHENTIC BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT REAAAAAAAL ASDLKFJASLDKGHKH;" Apparently some other vamp authors have trouble explaining that to people? I... I'm not sure how to respond to such, such stupidity.

You know, I can't help but admire this company's marketing abilities, because... like you said, glittery adult toys already exist. There's plenty of sparkly dildos out there. The stroke of genius, I suppose, is that so far none of those dildo makers had thought of likening them to a teen/ween/twimom phenomenon.

... why didn't I think of that? I actually need the money! Brb, taking the engine out of my car and selling the thing on eBay for that "authentic Bella experience".

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