Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.


I wonder if the New Moon experience is bettered by a sinus cold.

AND IT WILL STILL NOT BE FREAKY THAT THIS BOOK IS ESSENTIALLY JACOB IMPRINTING ON ONE OF HER OVA.

Edited at 2009-11-19 04:41 pm (UTC)

I KNOW RIGHT

You know, Allegra-D may enhance the experience, who knows.

The sinus thing must be in the air, I'm telling you.

*sneeze*

I hope you didn't pick up the swine flu in that crowded theater! D:

*stares at your userpic* *little hearts* eeeee babysnapes! DO WANT.

(Here's my question: if Jacob is drawn to the romantic potential of Bella's genes, why isn't he also madly in love with Edward?)

...wait, he isn't? I thought he was! I thought the whole love triangle thing and their petty sniping via illicit motorcycle riding was because of repressed homosexual vamp/wolf Montague and Capulet level urges!

But on the other hand, everything I know about Twilight I learned from you, so if you say they're straight-- I'll just sit in the corner with my gaydar and laugh at you because honey, those boys about as straight as Liberace and Elton John.

...

Can I please steal that icon?

Awesomely insightful stuff as always! Thanks for the scoop on the movie! :-)

Now I'm so torn... do I see the movie? Or not? Because I found the first one so boring that I turned it off, even though I liked the first three books in a guilty-pleasure, do-not-judge-me kind of way.

On the other hand, your paragraph about tenderness should be required reading, especially for clueless heterosexual men.

I hated the book, but I plan to see it, for two simple reasons:

1) it will make the eventual M15M so much better
2) it will make the Made of Fail episode about it better

So, really, it's the pill before the spoonful of sugar for me, I guess.

There were a number of combination laugh-gasps at the incredibly blatant Jacob fanservice, when Taylor Lautner strips off his shirt to dab ineffectually at a trickle of blood on Kristen Stewart's head.

Same reaction at my theatre in France, same reaction to the last line at the end, but no screaming, even when Edward first appeared.

Edited at 2009-11-19 04:57 pm (UTC)

he is crying while they're eyesexing, for God's sake. That's like--the emotional equivalent of--I don't even have an adequate pornographic metaphor for that.

Eyecoming? Eyegasam? It is the PEAK. His tears symbolize semen. D:

xD xD xD

So wrong, and yet so true!

People are going to want to stab me in the back of the head by the time this movie is over I'm going to be laughing so much. Cannot wait.

that's why you sit in the last row.

Awesome as always. :D I loled~. (Is the cup still looking at you?)

It's emotional porn. That is exactly what it is.

... Ohhhhhhhhhhh.

IT WAS DONE WITH THE ACTUAL NAMES OF MONTHS ON THE SCREEN

Oh, I'm going to get murdered in the theater. That will be a moment that's supposed to be somber and depressing, and I will laugh-bark like a seal.

Of course, what was I going to do? Blurt out "HAY GUYS!" in the middle of the theater?

Now I'm gigglesnorting at work, because I'm visualizing a dark theater, a couple cries of "FURSPLOSION!" over from one cluster of people, then a "HAY GUYS!" from another. .... It's funnier in my head. Comedic timing and all.

And if I'm right about this? Gentlemen of the generally unromantic persuasion, if you take any of this to heart, I have just upped your game by at least 50%. You can thank me later.

Oh, for serious indeed! If I knew any guys who needed help with their game, I would totally link them to this. I hear things all the time about girls asking their boyfriends to be more like Edward, or forcing them to read the books, or whatever. This is essentially what I think they're asking for - but they're confusing the heck out of their guys, who are like, "What, you want me to get topazbutterscotch contact lenses? Stalk you? DE-TAN?"

I... I think I might have to quote the entire paragraph about tenderness on my journal. Giving total credit to you, of course, as an instruction to guys. With your permission.

Seriously, this should be everywhere. Because it's so, so very true. And maybe if women in real life weren't so starved for tenderness, more of them would be able to see the unrivaled CREEPINESS underlying the tenderness in Twilight.

Oh, with credit, no problem.

I said this in an earlier post, but I think I may have to borrow the viewing apparatus from A Clockwork Orange to make it through the movie based on your review. Thanks for the warning though!

I recommend it. You'll still be able to roll you eyes when they're forced open like that, right? Also choose a cinema with comfy seats. I was extra resentful of Smeyer/everyone responsible of the creation of New Moon when I got up at the end of the film and my bum ached from sitting through drawn out EVERYTHING.

. . . I am now going to quit my job and devote my life to making "That harshes my dazzle" a nationally recognized catchphrase.

Well, maybe after I save up a little money.

Oh, and that hilariously odd still -- You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. (First of all, THAT'S supposed to be a COCKTAIL DRESS? Seriously?)

Shirley Temples are cocktails!

Sorta!

I back your psychological assessment of the Twiheart effect.

An easy metric to back that is - can we take everything you just said about that and apply it to the following:

Titanic? Check
Now, Voyager? Check
Gone with the Wind? Check. (OMG LOOK AT HOW THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER SO MUCH LOVE SO MUCH HAAATE OMG)

In conclusion: Dudes, definitely go for the tender.

I want a Team Belmont shirt.

You know, that's a really good point you've made about the looking and the tenderness. Even as I rationally know the movie was terrible? When I think back on Twilight, the scenes I remember are when they first speak in biology (and I think KS and RP really DO sell that sense of lust and fascination) and the aforementioned prom scene.

I've stopped even being embarrassed at being excited to see this. Hee. One question...what did you think of Bella this time around? I've always been one of the few to prefer KStew's Bella to book Bella, so I'm just wondering if that'll hold true in NM.

She's eased up on the lip-biting and the hair-touching, and because she's kind of tough herself, she makes Bella a bit more bearable than in the book. Like, you get more a sense of her being obsessed and stubborn and impulsive, which I do think is in the book, but a lot of actresses probably would have gone girlier and--soggier with it, if that makes any sense. I've always liked her version better than the book's, if only because she's so deadpan, so that the whining and wallowing is neutralized a bit.

I tend to be very pragmatic and cynical myself, day to day, I'll be honest; but I really believe the problem with every one of my previous relationships has been a complete lack of romance on his part* (one guy did drive half an hour out of his way to bring me ice cream when I was upset BEFORE we started dating, but once we were a couple that was all out. Not even cheap chocolate for Valentine's). You're absolutely right, even people who claim they're not into romance, you need that tenderness in the long run, or you have nothing.

*Which is more to say, I have horrible taste in men.

Honestly, you don't have to buy me a damn thing if you can hold my hand and look at me That Way. It's so simple and yet so difficult for people, for some reason.

I think your theory is astoundingly accurate. My husband described the first movie as "girl porn" along the lines of Love Actually because Edward is technically a bad boy, but the entire point is that he isn't in actuality. And he's perfect because he's willing to do anything for Bella - perfectly willing to sacrifice himself without thinking twice (this was a kind of redeeming thing I always looked to in New Moon - he's a total fucking idiot, but the idea that someone will waste away in a Brazilian attic for you...well...). And it's the idea that Edward is kind of a psycho, but you want someone to be psycho over you sometimes. Ala Heathcliffe, yes he's crazy, but who wouldn't like the idea of someone loving you so passionately they'd hold your dead body and just scream at anyone who came close? It's why the stalking stuff seemed less creepy at the time - not because it's ok for your boyfriend to take your car battery out, but because you want someone to love you enough to do ridiculous things to keep you safe because you are so important to them that even the thought of losing you is enough for them to make a mountain out of a molehill (something Edward is excellent at).

/word vomit

yes he's crazy, but who wouldn't like the idea of someone loving you so passionately they'd hold your dead body and just scream at anyone who came close?

*raises hand*

If my boyfriend did that with my corpse, I'd have to come back from the dead to personally clock him one. I'M DEAD YOU IDIOT, LET THEM GIVE ME MY LAST RITES AND GO AND HAVE COMFORT SEX WITH CINDY CRAWFORD SO I CAN GO INTO THE FUCKING LIGHT IN PEACE!

My boyfriend insists that I'm decidedly unfeminine. I wonder why.

Here's my question: if Jacob is drawn to the romantic potential of Bella's genes, why isn't he also madly in love with Edward?

Stephenie Meyer's fantasy world obviously had no room for that sort of thing.

IT WAS DONE WITH THE ACTUAL NAMES OF MONTHS ON THE SCREEN

That was the part in the book where I drew progressively more angry faces on each page.

You can imagine my confusion - I listened to it on audio book. :)

Here's my question: if Jacob is drawn to the romantic potential of Bella's genes, why isn't he also madly in love with Edward?

OMG I love your brain I WOULD READ THE HELL OUT OF THAT. But Jacob/Edward can never be, because they find each other too smelly.

Here's my question: if Jacob is drawn to the romantic potential of Bella's genes, why isn't he also madly in love with Edward?)


I didn't see anyone answer this- but from a biological standpoint a womans ovum are with her from birth, but a man is constantly producing sperm. So he'd (Jacob) only have the hots for Edward a few days before he knocked up Bella.

I should say, I haven't seen anyone answer this seriously....

IT WAS DONE WITH THE ACTUAL NAMES OF MONTHS ON THE SCREEN

...okay, my options are now to a) wait til it's out on DVD or downloadable somewhere and watch it at home or b) get myself chased out of the theater for drowning the film out with uncontrollable laughter at this point.

I know! I was giggling like mad when I read about that; I would not be able to control myself actually seeing it up onscreen.

and there's a huge long Let's Pile-Drive Edward Into As Many Hard Surfaces As Possible fight

A.K.A. WHY I AM GOING TO SEE THE MOVIE.

That's like--the emotional equivalent of--I don't even have an adequate pornographic metaphor for that. (Dayna! A little help here!)

Oh my God I have absolutely nothing TOO MUCH PRESSURE I CANNOT FUNNY UNDER THESE CONDITIONS I'll be in my trailer.

(Here's my question: if Jacob is drawn to the romantic potential of Bella's genes, why isn't he also madly in love with Edward?)

I know it's a joke question (and a funny one at that), but it made me think. Here's my possible answers.

1) Jacob is SO STRAIGHT that he can't feel sexually attracted to Edward.
2) Jacob is attracted to Edward, that's what makes him so angry about that situation. And makes him kinda-stalker-rapey towards Bella. He has to establish his heterosexuality.
3) The vampire cancels out the attraction on some pheromonal/hormonal level.
4) Bella is genetically more similar to Renesmee than Edward is.
5) Because there is no such thing as homosexuality in the books.

Sadly, I think the last one is the correct one.


5) OR

Because Edward's real OTP is with Seth Clearwater. You know it to be true.

?

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