Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.


"Cheeseburger of pain" sounds like what would happen if Jimmy Buffet, Weird Al, and Anton LaVey made a concept album together.


As ever, thank you for reading this so we don't have to!

Man, I'd listen to that in a SECOND.

I started reading this the other night and parts of my brain fizzled out before I got to the third or so page, so thank you, once again, for bravely going to Sparkle Land so we don't have to set foot there. ;-)

Cheeseburger of Pain is my new favourite name for a Muse cover-band.

I, umm, may need to start that band, now that you've mentioned it...

FFFFFF THE REDHEAD

I love it when minor characters refuse the dazzle.

I really enjoyed this, despite not having read any of the books. I was totally surprised when I got an e-mail from Borders about this new Twilight book that I had not heard about at ALL. Good for charity, though.

lol I think you should let it go on the whole hair color thing. I accept that copper isn't exactly the same as red, but it's logical that someone could call it that. People's opinion of what certain colors are is pretty subjective. Also, considering how much Bella idolized Edward it's possible she wanted a more interesting-sounding word than "red" to describe his hair as.

Well, there was a point where I thought, let's see how far we can take it. It's a bad habit, playing something up for laughs. It was worth it to me to end up doing the Google Image searches and genuinely getting those results.

I like Bree better than Bella because I was like "VAMPIRES ACTUALLY EATING PEOPLE, BEING BADASSES, WHAT" but then I was like "Oh right they lose and everyone dies." But I had issues with Bree because after she realized Deigo was dead she was like "Life can't go on without a man I've know for two days, die now plz." Damn you, Meyer. None of your protagonists can survive without a significant other.

Another AWESOME recap! I was watching your twitter to see the exact moment when it would be posted. And that's not creepy.

I kind of love the newborn vampire jerks. You know some dumb kids would act like that right after being vamped.

I do feel kind of weird though, being amused by something SM wrote, instead of cringing in second-hand-author-embarrassment.

Awesome recap. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, and your commentary made me lol several times.

The Volturi's activism was the main thing I got out of the novella, but I think it's also just kind of helpful to know what the newborns were doing while Other Things were happening in Eclipse, so, there's that.

OMG... I don't know whether to laugh (due to your recap) or cry (due to Stephenie Meyer's still crappy writing). Thanks again for taking the bullet, Cleo.

And yeah, when I first heard the title and description of this novella thingie, I immediately thought of the Baby Jenks business in Queen of the Damned. *sigh*


Oh, me too! I was unsure whether to fume or to laugh...

Okay, those dumb-ass teenager-vampires are probably my favourite characters of SMeyers.

This post makes me very glad that True Blood is back soon. Real vampires. Yay.

(And this is totally the Diet Coke of that Queen of the Damned part)

TRUE BLOOD, YESSSS. Can't wait until Sunday. :D

Your sacrifice is appreciated.

Troubled teen runaways don't call themselves "troubled teen runaways." They'd call themselves "street kids" or "runaways," but "troubled teens" is a term adults use about them.

SMeyer's ignorance shows again. It's getting to the point where it's not even lulzy anymore, just tedious and annoying.

Yeah, I had to work really hard not to write in, "WHO TALKS LIKE THAT?," figuring it would be obvious enough to everyone else. Because, seriously. Who talks like that?

LOL, I just spent part of the morning doing a very similar summary for my former Twi-Fan friends who have been able to move on and stop reading. Your recap kicks my summary's ass though. I really did believe Diego was the pile of ashes, to the point that I kept recounting and trying to do math about who was and was not in the basement.

(I'm a long-time reader, by the way, and I love your work. Your recap of Midnight Sun especially makes me cry with laughter.)

I found this book really unnecessary in the end. It didn't even tell us anything new aside from how they kept the newborn vamps quiet.

Edited at 2010-06-08 10:40 pm (UTC)

*points to your icon* I've never seen that still before but...are they nit-picking?

Bzuh?

Also, I have a friend who wrote a book way before Twilight with a vampire named Diego. Only... he was sort of psychotic and sadistic and not at all sweet or desireable.

A Cleolinda recap plus a new Lady Gaga music video. This has been a good day for the Internet.

Vampires have super senses don't they? So maybe they see colors more saturated or something? What looks bronze to a human looks dark red to a vampire?

Thank you for this entertaining recap! I just kind of skimmed the book. I was distracted because the name Diego kept making me think of Dora the Explorer's cousin.

Diego makes me think of the villain from the fourth and sixth books of Meg Cabot's Mediator series, which is horribly underrated and SO GOOD.

I got to HULK SMASH and put my laptop down in a hurry. But I have to give this another try, if only to read SMeyer writing Edward from an uninterested perspective.

You know when this story would have been interesting? The first time I read Eclipse. Like, if she had woven that into the book, and told the story from their POV at the same time as Bella, that really could have worked. But I think that requires a lot more literary skillzzz than SMeyer possesses.

Diego likes music. What kind of music? You know... music. When in doubt, assume Muse.

True and infuriating. This Muse fan cannot stand crazy Twilight fans infringing on her joy. :/ The video for "Neutron Star Collision" was nauseating, with all the film clips. Argh. I wish they would just say no to SMeyer, but treating your fans like shit is probably not the best way to run your band, I guess. Still... >:(

At any rate, Bree sounds like a reasonably sympathetic character... I don't think I'd want to punch her every other page like I do with Bella. In fact, I almost feel bad for what happens to her at the end. Almost. I mean, this is Stephenie Meyer we're talking about here... the writing itself kind of keeps me from giving a damn, tbh.

The things we have to sit around and watch her do--since she is penned up a lot, or metaphorically in the dark--are really boring, but the character herself is okay. I did get annoyed with the way she was clearly set up to be all like, "Well, I'm going to die but I'm okay with dying because the plot's all wrapped up and the guy I like is dead! DIEGO DIEGO DIEGO!!"

Wait- So we actually get a smart, imperfect, realistic character from S.Meyer? And then she dies.

Of course.

Of course. We can't have any interesting sideplots derail the romance, like The History of Carlisle Cullen or the rather interesting and dramatic story arc of Jacob slowly coming into his own and becoming a leader in his own community, not to mention the subplot with Leah and all the imprinting drama...

Okay, I haven't finished reading the recap (I'm actually reading the story and the recap simultaneously), but can I just say I hate when SMeyer uses other languages in her books? She could at least get a decent translator! "No estoy quemando!" is a freaking stupid sentence fragment and it makes me mad.
The cheeseburger of pain is a weird fail-win hybrid I don't completely understand. Mostly fail, though.

The cheeseburger of pain will be better when the inevitable lolcat shows up. :)

I laughed so hard I almost passed out. =DDDD

That was awesome - well, YOUR involvement in it was.

The novella itself, however, is crappy internet fanfiction, as per usual.

Thank the Logic that there are Recappers like you around! =D

It´s awesome, really. Can I borrow it?

Cheeseburger of Pain is a meme waiting to happen. Someone get the Lolcat people on it!

On a totally unrelated note, if it's not any trouble, I'd like to ask you to post something. One of my college friends is working in Niger as part of her Masters' degree with the Peace Corps, and she's trying to raise money for a goat microfinance program. As the page from the link explains:

"This project will provide resources by giving goats to fifty women, who will then work together to breed and sell the offspring. Through workshops, the project will increase participants’ ability to breed and manage livestock as well as improve their knowledge of financial planning. While the community can provide the training, it does not have the means to buy the goats. Twenty-five pregnant, healthy female goats will be bought and given to fifty women, one goat for every two women to ensure initial cooperation and teamwork mentality. These women will work together, and once the goats give birth, each woman will then have at least one female goat to breed and sell the offspring. A portion of the money gained from this venture will go to the women and their families for food and living. The remaining profits will be saved in a group account to be used for other development projects. Within eight months, participating women will gain the knowledge and confidence needed to make good business decisions. They will have the means and know-how to continue their goat breeding business as well as pursue other income generating activities."

She needs just under $1200 for the program, and as of this post still needs $1000. If you or any of your readers out there could contribute even a little by using the donate button on the link above, they could not only help some Nigerian women to earn some income of their own and foster some useful skills, but also make a dear friend of mine very happy.

Sure, let me post it tomorrow when it won't get lost in the shuffle.

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