Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.


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Re: Sorry to hijack your thread...

That was actually one of my favorite scenes in the movie, that I felt Hardwicke really got right. You get that feeling that this is all so surreal to Bella, like, "Am I really about to say this?" and the different camera angles and shots contributed to the overall out-of-body experience that you HAVE to know someone is having when they're about to confront someone about being a vampire. I do like that in the scripts, Rosenberg puts a little more power into Bella's hands (even though I'd like to take Bella's hands and make her smack herself around for a while). But yeah, that's always been something that jumps out at me in vampire fiction, that he's really entrusting her with something huge and that moment is weighty and momentous and more than a little nerve-wracking for him...and in the book it just...WASN'T. Edward was never, ever vulnerable to her, which made his smug, high-handed treatment of her all during the books just that much more infuriating.

And while I'm getting all my gripes out, the other thing that made no sense is that in Meyer's universe, vampires have never had any weakness at all, can't be killed except by each other and the hitherto undiscovered species of shape-shifters from the Pacific Northwest who can chomp them. So why the FUCK was secrecy ever important to the Volturi? What was any human or even an angry horde of humans EVER going to do to them? Why aren't they running the planet at this point and breeding humans as blood cows? I know it's all about suspension of disbelief, but...help me out a little, at least make all the rules in your universe make sense. I'm still a logical human being, even if I do believe in werewolves and vampires and wizards for as long as it takes me to read a book or watch a movie.

Re: Sorry to hijack your thread...

That's one of the things that just--"infuriates" is too strong a word for it, I guess. It's just a complete YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG for me, over-powering the vampires. They have almost nothing to fear, between strength, speed, and Jedi-mind dazzle. And even when they do have something to fear, like Victoria, Edward sits there and goes, "Look, calm down, it'll take five minutes." It's just a complete lack of understanding in terms of how to create suspense. You have to give characters PROBLEMS in order to have any kind of conflict. In a weird way, this is why making Edward kind of a doof when it comes to girls in the movie actually helps, because at least it gives him some kind of weakness--emotional awkwardness and vulnerability.

(She also makes the mistake of giving them so much money that they don't ever have to worry about that, either. Which other writers do, too.)

And what I notice is, as far as the genre goes, hero vampires tend to have a lot of money and a lot of powers, because the author wants them to be unkillable (and not have to fuss about how they earn a living). Whereas villain vampires tend to have just enough power and money to be nefarious, but they have distinct weak spots so that non-vampire heroes can take them down. I mean, it's not written in stone, but notice how much more powerful the Cullens are than, say, Dracula. DRACULA. And that's because Dracula has to be killed, but the Cullens have to stay alive ("alive") at all narrative costs.

I mean, for that matter, notice how Edward is somehow strong enough in the second movie that whichever Volturi guy it was could only begin to crack his face, but Emmett's running around punching newborns' heads off in the third movie. That's not even internally consistent--but it's necessary, because if the movie rules were consistent, Our Hero would be a pile of rock salt by now.

Re: Sorry to hijack your thread...

And if movie rules or Meyer Universe rules were consistent , Alice would have Seen that Victoria had DECIDED to make a *last-minute* decision to find Edward and Bella. This "holes in Alice's vision" thing was soooo...just...STUPID. I mean, she's watching Victoria specifically, so why wouldn't she have seen Victoria's decision to make a vampire to make the army? WHY YOU DO THIS TO ALICE? She neutered and bedazzled my vampires, now she's crippling Alice's Gift for a plot point. Just BE CONSISTENT, GODDAMMIT.

I mean, we can sit here and pick apart the plot holes all day (like, LITERALLY) but really, when it comes down to it for me, it's all about the execution - did she make the characters "real" people to me, did she tell an engaging story, did the characters talk and relate to each other realistically for that particular narrative framework? And for Twilight, the answer is....kinda??, but only sometimes. But when I can find more wrong than right with a story, when I'm not lost enough in that world when I'm reading it to put aside my more analytical nature, it's just a dud for me. I don't have a problem with the premise of the books, but there was nothing keeping me going after Chapter 2 of Twilight except the thought "surely this can't get any worse..." and then ultimately it was a train-wreck-can't-look-away-from-the-carnage syndrome. I mean, I'm a HP Freak, and I can tell you 3 HUGE plot points that were never resolved in all seven books, and one of these days I'm going to have to track down JKR and MAKE HER answer my questions, but I will never, ever stop loving those books, because those characters were real, solid, flesh-and-blood people to me. And the funny thing is I resisted HP for so long, didn't really want to get into it, but when I did, I fell in love so effortlessly. And here, I wanted so much to like Bella & Co. more than I do, I tried pretty hard, but ultimately, Meyer just didn't make it happen.

And here's a funny story I've been telling people, you'll appreciate it...I also have a 4 year-old daughter who's in love with "Eggward" and after her big sisters got to go to the midnight show, she begged and begged to go see the new Eggward movie, so I took her to a Saturday matinee, only like 30 people in the whole audience. During that scene when Jacob and Bella kiss just before the battle, she stands up and SCREAMS "NOOOOO BELLA, WHAT ABOUT EGGWARD!?!?" She spent the rest of the movie scowling at Jacob and saying "I doan even wike Jacob, I doan wan him in this moobie!!" And I thought I'd die laughing...I had no idea I was raising such a Twihard. She is firmly Team Eggward...I may have to get her a t-shirt printed up. Apparently I have more teachable moments coming my way.

Re: Sorry to hijack your thread...

Since you walk your kids through the books, I'll err on the side of finding that adorable. What in the world did she make of The Leg Hitch, though?

Re: Sorry to hijack your thread...

Ah, The Leg Hitch. You know, I had no idea that was such a big deal, all the dry-humping, but oh well. She didn't catch the leg hitch, she had her face hidden in her hands because she can only tolerate so much kissing. Somehow she got the information that too much kissing makes babies (when she informed me of this, I found it too hysterical to correct her) so when kissing goes on for more than a couple seconds she closes her eyes, because she doesn't want to "see the babies come out." I guess that rules out movies 4 and 5 for her, but I'm not complaining.

Re: Sorry to hijack your thread...

I... well.

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