Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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Golden Globes #5
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Ricky Gervais rolls back in with a wine glass. "Our next presenter is the Queen of Pop! No, not you, Elton!" You know what's super edgy? Working a bunch of song titles into a Madonna introduction. Madonna is even less impressed than I am. "If I'm still Like a Virgin, Ricky, why don't you come do something about it?" OHHHHHHHHHH. "I haven't kissed a girl in a few years." OHHHHHHHHHHH. Man, everyone is Lol Edgier than Ricky tonight.

Also, there is nothing foreign about foreign films to Madonna, who is a serious movie director now and loves Godard, Truffaut, etc. 

@MoRocca: Ok so when Madonna accepts an award she's British. When she presents an award she's from Michigan #accent

I don't know.

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
THE FLOWERS OF WAR (CHINA) (Jing Ling Shi San Chai)
IN THE LAND OF BLOOD AND HONEY (USA)
THE KID WITH A BIKE (BELGIUM) (Le Gamin au Velo)
A SEPARATION (IRAN) (Jodaeiye Nader az Simin)
THE SKIN I LIVE IN (SPAIN) (La piel que habito)

Winner: A Separation. The director, who has a very slow, soothing voice, wants to end his speech by noting that he thinks his people are "a very loving people." That was a really nice acceptance.

@EW: Asghar Farhadi, the Iranian writer-director of the great new movie 'A Separation' - read our review http://ow.ly/8ulwf

Here's Dustin Hoffman, thanking his wife and his agent, without whom he could not be presenting this award today. Heh.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
CLAIRE DANES – HOMELAND
MIREILLE ENOS – THE KILLING
JULIANNA MARGULIES – THE GOOD WIFE
MADELEINE STOWE – REVENGE
CALLIE THORNE – NECESSARY ROUGHNESS

Man, for real, Madeleine Stowe is like aging backwards. Winner: Claire Danes and her shoulder business! Twentieth reaction shot of Kenneth Branagh applauding beneficently. "Okay, so I first won this award when I was fifteen, and I was utterly stunned and overwhelmed, as one is, and I burst into tears when I got backstage because I forgot to thank my parents," so she is gonna thank them extra double much this time. Also, thank you to her husband Hugh Dancy and many many people as fast as she can go here come the classy orchestrations! SO FAST.

Welcome! Emily Blunt! In golden yellow! ILU EMILY BLUNT! Bridesmaids is heart-warming and hilarious and Obligatory Poop Reference. Please don't put it in the montage.

Please welcome! Tina Fey in a big-ass crimson ballgown and Jane Lynch in a black halter dress! They are not like the characters they play! "But Matt LeBlanc really is Matt LeBlanc. And Thomas Jane of Hung really is... a high school basketball coach." Then they high-five each other: "PENIS JOKE!" Wait, was Thomas Jane wearing a burgundy cowboy hat, or is that just my low blood sugar talking?

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
ALEC BALDWIN – 30 ROCK
DAVID DUCHOVNY – CALIFORNICATION
JOHNNY GALECKI – THE BIG BANG THEORY
THOMAS JANE – HUNG
MATT LEBLANC – EPISODES

Winner: Matt LeBlanc! And then I looked away for five seconds and THINGS HAPPENED.

@annadavid: Matt LeBlanc was previously nominated for Joey. That sort of says it all #goldenglobes

I don't even know if someone different presented this or... it's like I just lost time alien-style or something.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
BERENICE BEJO – THE ARTIST
JESSICA CHASTAIN – THE  HELP
JANET MCTEER – ALBERT NOBBS
OCTAVIA SPENCER – THE HELP
SHAILENE WOODLEY – THE DESCENDANTS

Judging by the drunken cheers of the audience, EVERYBODY WINS. But the actual winner is Octavia Spencer (in lavender). DRUNKEN AUDIENCE WOOOO! "OCTAVIAAAAAA!" I don't even know who that was. "Thank you to the Hollywood Foreign Press--SERIOUSLY." She invokes Martin Luther King Jr. (tomorrow is the holiday in his honor, non-Americans), and Melissa McCarthy is crying in the audience. I don't know. The Help is kind of an odd case--it's kind of everything that's wrong with movies about race in this country (look at the heroic white girl helping all those poor black servants!), but opportunities and recognition for black actresses are good? I don't really know? "WOOOOO!"

YOU GUYS. THEY'RE GIVING THE BATHROOM BREAK AWARD TO MORGAN FREEMAN. THIS IS GONNA BE SO GOOD.

Please welcome! Reese Witherspoon! IN RED. Also, her hair was styled by a wind tunnel, and it works. She is like standing up there with her hands on her hips working this strapless red dress, it's kind of hilarious. It's a Descendants montage, because Witherspoon did a movie with Alexander Payne! FINALLY, a connection I understand.

Please welcome! SIDNEY POITIER. PLEASE ENJOY THIS STANDING OVATION, GOOD SIR. "MORGAN... FREEMAN." YEAH. "That you... illuminate your presence... that you... infuse the characters you play... with a three-dimensional aura... You become the character. The character becomes... you." Morgan Freeman out in the audience is like YEAH. "In my opinion... you are a prince... in the profession... you have chosen. Welcome aboard... Morgan Freeman." For a moment I was like, aboard what? The ship to the Grey Havens? All these grim intonations kind of sound like we're all about to die. Fortunately, here is Helen Mirren and her fierce in dark blue: "I'm really sorry that after Sidney, I'm going to bring the tone down. I've had a couple of glasses of wine and I have a BONE to pick with you. I have only been in ONE of your movies." The Driving Miss Daisy riff on how the British drive on the wrong right left right wrong side of the road goes on too long, but it's worth it for a sprightly, "I coulda been a penguin!" Everything you would expect is in the Cecil B. DeMille Award montage, except that someone with a deep sense of humor has also edited in a long-ass clip of Younger Morgan Freeman from the Electric Company kid's show where he is, like, a vampire taking a bath in a casket ("I take a bath! In a casket! A bath! In a casket!") and I just seriously don't even know. Of course he is deeply flattered to receive this tribute from Sidney Poitier, but as for Helen Mirren, "Watching you handle a gun makes me know that I never wanna piss you off." On that note, I will hit post.



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"aboard what? The ship to the Grey Havens?"

ROFL!

I think the clip of "I take a bath in a casket" pretty much made my night.

Oh Helen mirren... also blunt

never EVER change

you're epic.

also add to the Emily Blunt love. she's awesome (still massive love for young victoria and wild target)

Re: Oh Helen mirren... also blunt

And she was awesome (if wildly out of character) as doomed Catherine Howard in that weird HVIII TV movie with Ray Winstone and Helena Bonham Carter.

The Electric Company clip was the best thing to happen tonight.

I just... what in the hell. It was magnificent.

It's really too bad that Morgan Freeman doesn't talk about The Electric Company these days... I also seem to remember him appearing on Days of Our Lives, of all things.

Wait, was Thomas Jane wearing a burgundy cowboy hat, or is that just my low blood sugar talking?

Not sure if you're aware, but Thomas Jane has a reputation for being wackadoo at industry events. For example, he rarely wears shoes on red carpets and when he does they're... chicken feet. So I'm not surprised he was wearing a cowboy hat.

I need Tina Fey and Jane Lynch to pop up in my life at appropriate moments, shout "PENIS JOKE!", high five, and then disappear. I think that would make my world a more magnificent place.

my reaction to the Morgan Freeman award was "oh, so we're all going to pretend like that affair with his step-granddaughter or whatever never happened?"

Yeah, Snacky mentioned that on Twitter and I was going to quote her, and I just ran out of time to fit it in. Because... that was... weird.

I had to leave just before the Morgan Freeman thing to go pick up my parents at the airport! Dammit. Helen Mirren AND the Electric Company? It sounds like I missed the best part.

Wait, how old is Madeleine Stowe? I didn't get the "my generation" crack at all, I thought she was, like, 20!

Well, she looked exactly like that back in 1992, so... IMDB says she was born in 1958.

Mother of god. So there's an increasingly uglier picture of her in the attic, I mean, it's the only explanation.

She's got a great surgeon and wears heaps of sunscreen :D

eta http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2433658880/nm0000656

Edited at 2012-01-16 06:48 am (UTC)

That whole exchange between Gervais and Madonna HAD to have been planned out beforehand. If not, he should really thank her for saving the LAMEST JOKE EVER!

"Ladies and gentleman, Madonna is not a virgin! In other news, the Pope is Catholic and water is wet."

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