Please also welcome! Angelina Jolie! Jesus, she kinda looks like a vampire. White satin sheath gown, red foldy neckline thing, kinda gaunt, BIG RED LIPS.
BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE
WOODY ALLEN – MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
GEORGE CLOONEY – THE IDES OF MARCH
MICHEL HAZANAVICIUS – THE ARTIST
ALEXANDER PAYNE – THE DESCENDANTS
MARTIN SCORSESE – HUGO
Winner: Scorsese! Beaming, standing ovation, etc. Aw. "Sit down, sit down everybody!" Apparently his wife said, "Why don't you make a movie our daughter can see for once?" Heh. Please sir, can I borrow a cup of energy? You seem ready to motor-mouth through a film lecture right now, and I'm not finging so well two hours into this.
Ricky Gervais is excited to present Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas, "ridiculously gorgeous specimens, enormously talented," and probably interesting people but he doesn't know because he can't ALL THE SOUND GOES OUT. If NBC did it on purpose, I'm pretty sure it's because he said, "I couldn't fucking understand a word they said." However, my sound came back on and then went out again, and I can't hear shit, so it might not have been on purpose. Seriously, apparently Modern Family just won something and I have no sound.
BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
@cleolinda: THERE IS STILL NO SOUND. RICKY GERVAIS IS NOT IN THE COMMERCIALS. LET US HAVE THE SOUND BACK.
@Salome: I hope someday Birmingham gets talkies. #GoldenGlobes
BA DUH DUH BA DUH DUH BAAAAAA. THIS! is a montage of War Horse. Dammit, Michelle Pfeiffer, I was totally prepared to just intepret what I thought might be happening for the entire next half hour.
Oh, Jesus, it's a Wahlberg--what the hell is Jessica Biel wearing? It's like--showgirl Edwardian? I--don't know.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
JEAN DUJARDIN – THE ARTIST
BRENDAN GLEESON – THE GUARD
JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT – 50/50
RYAN GOSLING – CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE.
OWEN WILSON – MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
Winner: Jean Dujardin, whose name Jessica Biel has been practicing all night. He apologizes for also being French, and then my mother came in and asked what was going on with the sound not working, and then he ends his speech by pantomiming something from the movie and WHOA WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ON SWINTON'S HEAD? I--I have questions.