NEXT ON TNT: The really short awards show that also has booze, so it's my favorite to liveblog! Seriously, they get two hours and no more.
Jon Cryer maybe wanted to be an astronaut but decided too much urine was involved, and he is an actor. Demián Bichir wanted to drive a taxi like De Niro, y es actor mexicano. Emily Watson had to sing and it was terrifying, and she is an actor. Amber Riley started acting as a teenager and is still playing teenagers, and she is an actor. Jim Parsons once got paid in beer, and he is an actor. Rose Byrne is wearing a glittering white jumpsuit, and she is an actor. PLEASE WELCOME! Michelle Williams in lacy red! She is here to welcome us, since the SAGs apparently don't have a host because, let's be honest, that would take too much time, and to present:
Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role
KENNETH BRANAGH / Sir Laurence Olivier - “MY WEEK WITH MARILYN” (The Weinstein Company)
ARMIE HAMMER / Clyde Tolson - "J. EDGAR" (Warner Bros. Pictures)
JONAH HILL / Peter Brand - "MONEYBALL" (Columbia Pictures)
NICK NOLTE / Paddy Conlon - “WARRIOR” (Lionsgate)
CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER / Hal - “BEGINNERS” (Focus Features)
And the Actor goes to! Christopher Plummer! I'm pretty sure bookies aren't even going to take bets on the Oscar for this one. "I can't tell you how much fun I've had being part of the world's second oldest profession," he says, singling out Ewan McGregor (again) to a good bit of applause and the writer and the dog and everyone else and someone in French and someone who kept him off the streets and also his daughter, and lastly, "my long-suffering wife Elaine, who, forty-three years ago, came to my rescue and saved my life." Awww.
Please welcome! George Clooney and Shailene Woodley (grey dress, beige and bright red florals), to hoots and hollers! Ah, we are all properly boozed up. Clooney slightly trips over his words at one point, which is what I want to see at this kind of event. They present a Descendants clip package.
Please welcome! Don Cheadle! Don't mind if I do. "Generosity" is the theme of the next category, because sure.
Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role
BÉRÉNICE BEJO / Peppy - "THE ARTIST" (The Weinstein Company)
JESSICA CHASTAIN / Celia Foote - “THE HELP” (DreamWorks Pictures / Touchstone Pictures)
MELISSA McCARTHY / Megan - “BRIDESMAIDS” (Universal Pictures)
JANET McTEER / Hubert Page - "ALBERT NOBBS” (Roadside Attractions)
OCTAVIA SPENCER / Minny Jackson - “THE HELP” (DreamWorks Pictures / Touchstone Pictures)
Screams for McCarthy in the background as her clip plays (WOOs and cheers in general for everyone). Aw, I know she has no chance, but I love Janet McTeer--ah, and a big cheer for Octavia Spencer, who wins (in a really great grey dress). Emma Stone can be seen WOOing through her cupped hands. "Oh my God, this means so much to me, coming from you, SAG" (UNION! UNION!) "but I have to say that it was a privilege to work on a film" about the many women who brought her to where she is today, and she mentions "the unsung hero" of the movie, slain civil rights activist Medgar Evers (it's part of the story). "Oh my Goooood!"
Let's go ahead and hit post so the people know we're here, shall we?