Please welcome! Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Melissa McCarthy, and booze! "This is free." They have a drinking game! "You have to take a drink every time someone says the word Scorsese." McCarthy chugs from what looks like a frosty bottle of vodka (ahhhhh). They are here to present a clip from Bridesmaids--"SCORSESE!!!" shouts someone in the audience, right as they're about to bring in the punchline. "Thanks, you stepped on that." So they just go into an impromptu discussion of The Departed and the proper pronunciation of "Scorsese," which may or may not have a short "e" in common with "prosecco." Man, I really want some prosecco now.
Please welcome! A woolly Dick Van Dyke in Standing Ovation! "I'm just a presenter!" he laughs. The presenter, in fact, of a Life Achievement Bathroom Break Award for Mary Tyler Moore. Seriously, you are going to have to pardon me for this, but I'm going to skip out and grab dinner, it's 8 pm here.
Mm, crockpot roast! Thanks, Mary Tyler Moore! There is a very long standing ovation and cheerful music that is willing to keep going just as long as you do. "In 1955..." Man, I'm gonna have time for a biscuit, too! "But then it hit me... my middle name was Tyler, too!" brb, another glass of iced tea. "...and I too, am happy after all." After a long pause and a smooch from Van Dyke, and another long pause where he offers to carry the statuette for her if it's too heavy and no one's really sure if we're done or not, the music starts playing. Man, y'all, this roast is really, really good.