"Please welcome, a recurring dream of mine! Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez!" for Best Costume. HOLA, LOVERS. Both are in white, but even I noticed on the carpet that Lopez's is FANTASTIC, it kind of has a starbust transparency pattern JANE EYRE, FUCK YEAH! I... I ate half the box of Tagalongs before the show even started, I'm sorry.
"Anonymous" Lisy Christl
"The Artist" Mark Bridges
"Hugo" Sandy Powell
"Jane Eyre" Michael O'Connor
"W.E." Arianne Phillips
THE OSCAR GOES TO The Artist, I hate everyone. Okay, I don't. "I am feeling mild chagrin but cannot sparkle" just wasn't as punchy. You guys, Lopez and Diaz are talking SO FAST, I don't know if they're holding a gun to a puppy's (Uggie's?) head backstage or what.
Martial Corneville, Lynn Johnston and Matthew W. Mungle
"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2"
Nick Dudman, Amanda Knight and Lisa Tomblin
"The Iron Lady"
Mark Coulier and J. Roy Helland
Aw, they let people from each movie talk about the makeup. ilu Jason Isaacs, don't you have a new TV show coming out? Lopez and Diaz are standing with their backs to the audience, then look dramatically over their shoulders and burst out laughing. Apparently there was a J-Lo nip slip and I missed it? WINNAH: The Iron Lady; shot of goldazzled Streep turning around in her seat to locate Coulier and Helland. She cups her hands around her mouth and apparently shouts "WOO!" "Thanks, Meryl," says Helland, "for keeping me employed for thirty-seven years." Meanwhile, Harry Potter fans riot.
And here: are actors in pre-taped interviews talking about sitting in the dark and watching things. Ben Stiller, Morgan Freeman, Adam Sandler talking about Sean Connery and his chest hair and "Can I please do that," Reese Witherspoon, Hilary Swank, Tom Cruise, Helen Mirren, Brad Pitt talking about The Good Gargantua and the Bad Gargantua and the Good Gargantua having to beat the Bad Gargantua. I wanna watch movies with him.
An announcer lady informs us that no baseball film has been nominated for Best Picture since Field of Dreams, and no baseball film has ever won! Baseball film has no Oscars! BASEBALL FILM NEEDS NO OSCARS. THERE IS NO WINNING IN BASEBALL FILM!