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Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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Oscar liveblog #3
msauvage purple
PLEASE WELCOME! ACADEMY AWARD WINNER SANDRA BULLOCK. I don't even have time to describe the white top black skirt gold filigree business she's wearing. She is VERY SERIOUS, and has been asked to speak about the Foreign Language film in Mandarin Chinese, and proceeds to do so in German. "I love Chinese."

Foreign Language Film

    "Bullhead" Belgium
    "Footnote" Israel
    "In Darkness" Poland
    "Monsieur Lazhar" Canada
    "A Separation" Iran

And the Oscar VERY SERIOUSLY goes to A Separation. Cut to Spielberg looking SERIOUS, perhaps moistly so, in the audience. What?

Political joke! But please welcome--"and be careful, you're in his eyeline!"--Christian Bale in black on black on black. Someone spin the Christian Bale Accent Wheel and tell me what he sounds like tonight. 

@fuggirls: I never expect Christian Bale to show up and have that 'ALLO GUV'NER voice come out of his face. - J

Actress in a Supporting Role

Bérénice Bejo in "The Artist"
Jessica Chastain in "The Help"
Melissa McCarthy in "Bridesmaids"
Janet McTeer in "Albert Nobbs"
Octavia Spencer in "The Help"

@Movieline: Best Supporting Actress goes to Octavia Spencer. I wrote that tweet before it happened. I mean, duh. #oscars

It does. She is helped out of her seat by two guys and helped up the stairs by a third and there is a standing ovation and a beautifully beaded white dress and Brad Pitt beams beneficently from the audience while Angelina's red lipstick approves. "Thank you Academy for putting me with the HOTTEST GUY IN THE ROOM." Then right before she gets teary she thanks her family in Alabama and THE STATE OF ALABAMA! DID I JUST GET THANKED? Best Oscars ever. "Please wrap up please wrap up I'm wrapping up I'm sorry I'm freaking out--!" I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR FUCKING MONTAGES. Commercials. I WISH TO FILE A PROTEST. 

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Billy Crystal.. looks like his own wax figure.

Happy for Octavia!

And Christian was so, well, Christian.

And what's up with Bradley Cooper's mustache and slightly dazed look?

Everytime they have that filler crap, like the Wizard of Oz test group, I can't help but think...

You CUT actually HAVING the Best Song nominees PERFORMED for THIS???

No justice...

Wait, I don't get to hear the Muppets song again? *riots* Now I'll probably just go to bed.

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Oh my god THIS. Ever since he did the musical number in the Oscars opening like three years ago, I've been hoping for him to host.

Yeah, every time the public demands an Oscar host, they throw us scraps; NPH doing an opening here, Kermit and Miss Piggy having 30 seconds there...

Neil Patrick Harris, the Muppets allowed to be Muppets and actual writers allowed to be themselves, too...preferably late night writers or former late night writers like Tina Fey. Perhaps even an appearance by Hugh Jackman...

thusfar we've had blackface and jokes about how there are no black people in BH...ooookay. o_O

This is Billy Crystal's idea of edgy humor, maybe?

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