"Wow!" says Crystal. "I pulled a hamstring just watching that!" It's time for some MONOLOGUING, because we have time. "Christopher Plummer may be walking up on stage tonight... because he may be wandering around." Max von Sydow is also OOOOOLD. OOOOOOOOLD, ALL OF YOU! I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU BUT PLEASE SAVE ME, GWYNETH! She brings in reinforcements: Robert Downey Jr. strolling out with a camera guy and sound guys: "I'm filming a documentary called... The Presenter. PLEASE DON'T TALK WHEN I'M TALKING, IT'LL MAKE POST PRODUCTION A NIGHTMARE. BORING! FEELS SCRIPTED!" "What you're doing right now is disrespectful, and insane--" "I turned down The Descendants for this! We have to have it on Netflix by midnight!"
@christylemire: I kinda don't hate this Robert Downey Jr. and Gwyneth bit. Just 'cause I could watch him do anything. #Oscars
@Filmdrunk: GET HER, DOWNEY! WHEN SHE GRABS YOUR LAPEL, GO FOR THE HEAD AND ARM THROW!
A TEXT FROM MY MOTHER: what the F???
"Hell and Back Again"
Danfung Dennis and Mike Lerner
"If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front"
Marshall Curry and Sam Cullman
"Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory"
Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky
Wim Wenders and Gian-Piero Ringel
TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay and Rich Middlemas
Winner: Undefeated. Did someone get bleeped? I was regrettably trying to type up the RDJ bit.
Ladies and gentlemen! Chris Rock in a medium fro! He loves animation! Anyone can play anything! "And a black man can play a donkey or a zebra!" Also, "animation [voiceover] is THE EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD! It's not wood stripping! 'It's gettin' dark outside!' AND THEN THEY GIVE ME A MILLION DOLLARS!" Please let him host again. Please. I am begging you from the bottom of my fing.
Animated Feature Film
"A Cat in Paris" Alain Gagnol and Jean-Loup Felicioli
"Chico & Rita" Fernando Trueba and Javier Mariscal
"Kung Fu Panda 2" Jennifer Yuh Nelson
"Puss in Boots" Chris Miller
"Rango" Gore Verbinski
Winner: Rango! Gore Verbinski says he's not sure if it was a movie for children (SPOILER: it was), but it sure was made by a bunch of grownups who felt like kids! HURRY UP HURRY UP. Oh God, where are my Tagalongs.