Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones
cleolinda

Oscar liveblog #7

Billy Crystal: "I have this gift where I can look at anyone in the audience and tell you what they're thinking." I literally groaned out loud, y'all. I could not stop myself. WHY DON'T YOU TELL US? Brad Pitt is thinking about six parent-teacher conferences. Morgan Freeman is mentally reciting March of the Penguins with a little "ANDY DUFRESNE WAS MY FRIEND" thrown in. George Clooney is fretting that he did not know the opening montage "kiss" was being filmed.. A ruddy, badass Santa (quoth @SmartBitches) Nick Nolte: "RRRRRARRRRRRGHHHHHAHHHHHH." Uggie the dog: "If I had 'em I'd lick 'em! If I had 'em I'd lick 'em!" I lost a solid two minutes of my life to that.

A GIANT BOOK OF MUSIC ARISES, MONOLITHIC, FROM THE STAGE AS A VAST BEJEWELED BEAD CURTAIN GLITTERS AGAINST THE DARK OF NIGHT. "Eh," says Crystal.

Please welcome! A glam Penelope Cruz in a slate blue-grey color and Owen Wilson in totally stoned!

Music (Original Score)

    "The Adventures of Tintin" John Williams
    "The Artist" Ludovic Bource
    "Hugo" Howard Shore
    "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy" Alberto Iglesias
    "War Horse" John Williams

Winner: Ludovic Bource, who has no formal music training, sez Announcer Lady! "Wow," he says, and something about the Power of the Music, and I pretty much have no idea what else. "I thank you for your chair"? And je t'aime to his wife.

Please welcome! Will Ferrell, Zack Galifianakis, their white tuxedos, and two giant pairs of clanging cymbals! Galifianakis mispronounces his own name. "One song tonight will join previous winners 'When You Wish Upon a Star,' 'Moon River,' 'The Way We Were,' and 'It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp.'" But they will definitely not be performed. CLANG!

Music (Original Song)

    "Man or Muppet" from "The Muppets"
    Music and Lyric by Bret McKenzie
    "Real in Rio" from "Rio"
    Music by Sergio Mendes and Carlinhos Brown; Lyric by Siedah Garrett

And then there is a protracted bit of clanging cymbal wrestling to free up Ferrell's hands, and it's the most entertaining thing that has happened so far, AND THAT IS NOT SAYING MUCH.

WOOOOO BRET MCKENZIEEEEEE! YOU ARE THE MOST TALENTED MAN IN THE ROOM (depending on the room)!

Theater attendants in old-fashioned aqua bellhop-style uniforms are handing out... popcorn? How is it only 9:20?



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Tags: awards, liveblog, movies, oscars
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