Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
"The Descendants" Screenplay by Alexander Payne and Nat Faxon & Jim Rash
"Hugo" Screenplay by John Logan
"The Ides of March" Screenplay by George Clooney & Grant Heslov and Beau Willimon
"Moneyball" Screenplay by Steven Zaillian and Aaron Sorkin; Story by Stan Chervin
"Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy" Screenplay by Bridget O'Connor & Peter Straughan
Winner: The Descendants. I haven't been very good with acceptance speeches tonight, have I? Announcer Lady says that Faxon & Rash are former members of the Groundlings? They start doing the LEG hip-cock and tossing their non-hair. Alexander Payne's mother is here with him ("hold the applause") and asked him to dedicate the next Oscar he won to her "the way Javier Bardem's mother did to his." Heh.
Writing (Original Screenplay)
"The Artist" Written by Michel Hazanavicius
"Bridesmaids" Written by Annie Mumolo & Kristen Wiig
"Margin Call" Written by J.C. Chandor
"Midnight in Paris" Written by Woody Allen
"A Separation" Written by Asghar Farhadi
Apparently "I feel bad for your FACE" was in an Oscar-nominated screenplay? Winner: Woody Allen. "The Academy congratulates Woody Allen and accepts the award on his behalf." I'm tempted to wonder if maybe they gave it to him because he wouldn't be in attendance so the show would HURRY UP.
Meanwhile, a confessional montage reveals that Overboard is Reese Witherspoon's favorite pick-me-up movie. Hey, I don't judge.
Commercials, but I'm waiting for the next break to hit post.
PLEASE WELCOME! Milla Jovovich in FANTASTIC. White, one-shoulder, sparkly, perfect glam hair, perfect makeup. She may be my absolute favorite look all evening, I'm not sure. She was the Obligatory Babe presenting the Nerd Oscars to the tech geeks who aren't allowed to sully the proceedings.
Here are the Bridesmaids in excellent gowns! "Six beautiful... some say handsome... women, here to present three awards." Size does matter, we are informed (a scripted look from Melissa McCarthy)--no, not that kind of size. Kristen Wiig would rather have "a short film with some heft that's nice to me, rather than a long film that just lies there and does all the work."
Short Film (Live Action)
"Pentecost" Peter McDonald and Eimear O'Kane
"Raju" Max Zähle and Stefan Gieren
"The Shore" Terry George and Oorlagh George
"Time Freak" Andrew Bowler and Gigi Causey
"Tuba Atlantic" Hallvar Witzø
Winner: "The Shore," and two wonderfully (Northern? I think they said Northern?) Irish accepters.
Documentary (Short Subject)
"The Barber of Birmingham: Foot Soldier of the Civil Rights Movement"
Robin Fryday and Gail Dolgin
"God Is the Bigger Elvis"
Rebecca Cammisa and Julie Anderson
"Incident in New Baghdad"
Daniel Junge and Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy
"The Tsunami and the Cherry Blossom"
Lucy Walker and Kira Carstensen
And then someone in the audience shouts "SCORSEEEESEEEEEE!" and Byrne and McCarthy pull flasks out of their gowns and chug. Winner: "Saving Face." "It's more important that the Pakistani on the stage speak rather than me. Please, please, Sharmeen, speak." She dedicates the award to all the women in Pakistan who are working for change: "Don't give up on your dreams."
Short Film (Animated)
"Dimanche/Sunday" Patrick Doyon
"The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore" William Joyce and Brandon Oldenburg
"La Luna" Enrico Casarosa
"A Morning Stroll" Grant Orchard and Sue Goffe
"Wild Life" Amanda Forbis and Wendy Tilby
Winner: "The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore." "Look at us, we're just like these two swamp rats from Louisiana!" I beg to differ, sir: you are also wearing a hat.
WHO TAKES HOME THE AWARD FOR ACTOR AND ACTRESS? I DON'T KNOW, BUT MY FINGERS SURE WOULD LIKE TO.