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Oscar liveblog #10
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Another montage of actors explaining what movies mean to them. What a wonderful break for my fingers. I have three Tagalongs left; I'm pacing myself.

Crystal: "I've never had any of those feelings." He also confirms that that was Esperanza Spalding, who I am also told beat Bieber for Best New Artist at the Grammys. Excellent.

Please welcome! Natalie Portman in a strapless red ballgown to the strains of Swan Lake! Ahhh, we're doing the individual tongue baths this year as well as clips.

Actor in a Leading Role

Demián Bichir in "A Better Life"
George Clooney in "The Descendants"
Jean Dujardin in "The Artist"
Gary Oldman in "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy"
Brad Pitt in "Moneyball"

Is it true that Jean Dujardin is "the French George Clooney"? Because that just makes this even more entertaining. Although even Portman's like, "Seriously, we are all shocked they never nominated Gary Oldman for anything before, wtf is that about." (And now I'm having hazy memories of The Professional.)

@BillCorbett: Natalie P's testimonials have all the theatrical shine of an Omaha Knights of Columbus awards banquet.

They really kind of do. Winner: Dujardin, who is "well-known and celebrated in his native France." "Thank you! OUAIS! I love your country. It's funny because in 1929 it was Douglas Fairbanks, not Billy Crystal, who hosted the first Oscars. Tickets were five dollars, and the show lasted fifty minutes. TIMES HAVE CHANGED." YEAH THEY HAVE. "If George Valentin could speak, he would say [YELLING IN FRENCH, I HEARD THE WORD FORMIDABLE]!"

Crystal: "They must be going nuts in France right now. Or whatever the French have in place of joy."

Please welcome! Last year's Best Actor, Colin Firth! There are worse people you could get a tongue-bath from.

Actress in a Leading Role

Glenn Close in "Albert Nobbs"
Viola Davis in "The Help"
Rooney Mara in "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"
Meryl Streep in "The Iron Lady"
Michelle Williams in "My Week with Marilyn"

He stammers over "life--double life" in Close's intro, but Colin Firth stammering at this point is just his specialty. "Meryl. Mamma Mia. We were in Greece, I was gay and we were happy; I probably fathered your only daughter." Wait, Colin Firth did a movie with Michelle Williams? Winner: OH SHIT YOU GUYS OH SHIT MERYL STREEP WON OH MY GOD YOU GUYS VIOLA DAVIS LOST OH MY GOD RIOTS IN THE STREETS and people screaming YEAHHHHH in the audience, I have never heard yelling like this. "Oh COME ON! COME ON!!" She adds, "I can hear half of America going, OH COME ON, COME ON, WHY HER. AGAIN. Whatever." She makes sure to thank her beloved husband first and it's really sweet and I love her to death but holy shit, you guys, Viola Davis. 

@christylemire: Hey whaddaya know, a surprise! The whole press room gasped. #Meryl #Oscars

Usually Meryl thanks her fellow nominees; I don't even know if she did, I was too busy freaking the fuck out. Like, it's obvious in hindsight, but my God, people wanted Viola Davis to get it so bad. Please welcome! Tom Cruise, a man who has been making the impossible possible since he was nineteen years old or whatever the fuck MERYL STREEP WON FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE LAST TIME FIVE HUNDRED YEARS AGO IN CASE YOU DIDN'T HEAR. Holy fuck. I don't even know.

Best Picture

"The Artist" Thomas Langmann, Producer
"The Descendants" Jim Burke, Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor, Producers
"Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close" Scott Rudin, Producer
"The Help" Brunson Green, Chris Columbus and Michael Barnathan, Producers
"Hugo" Graham King and Martin Scorsese, Producers
"Midnight in Paris" Letty Aronson and Stephen Tenenbaum, Producers
"Moneyball" Michael De Luca, Rachael Horovitz and Brad Pitt, Producers
"The Tree of Life" Sarah Green, Bill Pohlad, Dede Gardner and Grant Hill, Producers
"War Horse" Steven Spielberg and Kathleen Kennedy, Producers

There is some actual audience WOOOOOing going on at each title, you guys. Are these real legit Drinky Oscars? GET YO DRINK ON GIRL! Winner: The Artist. THE WORLD IS BACK ON TRACK. Also, they brought the dog onstage. Apparently it is six in the morning in Paris and the winners' kids should "go to bed in thirty seconds." SO SHOULD WE.

@cracked: I liked the artist. I'm going to go eat 4 grilled cheeses. Goodnight.

Bon soir, tout le monde.

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Yay! Loved the liveblog as always... hope your fingers have some fing left in them :)

I had to go back and see the dog on stage. Excellent. :)

Heck, I gasped when she won. I was like "It's going to be Viola" and then...yeah, it wasn't.

Poor George Clooney. I was cheering for him, but only a little less than I was cheering for SiriusGary Oldman.

Also - THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU For the Liveblog. I love it and it is how I get through the horrible they have on sometimes. Especially tonight.

Edited at 2012-02-27 04:51 am (UTC)

Dude, the only movies I've seen in the past year are Bridesmaids and The Muppets, but even I knew that Viola Davis was supposed to win. That was literally the only surprising thing that happened all night.

Quoting Alex Carpenter, at least the dog won.

Yay! You made it! Nicely done Cleo. I'm usually a lurker on your blog, but I actually commented a lot this time and it was fun! Thanks for doing this (and the blog in general, I've been following it for, wow a few years now), and I'm jealous of your Tagalongs (all I had were a couple of Reese's eggs, and not even the big ones).

Edited at 2012-02-27 05:06 am (UTC)

REESE'S EGGGGGGS. I just ate my last Reese's heart from Valentine's the other day, it was heartbreaking.


Thanks for the recaps yet again!

I loved that Natalie's script started with (something to the effect of) "It is CRAZY that Gary Oldman..."

Oh Crazy Gary Oldman!

LOL, I had the same thought. Poor Crazy Gary Oldman, though.

I'm surprised Viola Davis didn't win, but not shocked either. Meryl won a LOT of awards this year too, and I think this was essentially her "lifetime Achievement" Oscar. She's been so good for so long, and she hasn't won in 30 years and I think Academy members wanted to recognize that.

Thank you so much for liveblogging again, Cleolinda! Your commentaries make awards shows even more enjoyable (& the awkward parts bearable). ^_^

The movie you're looking for is A Thousand Acres from 1997. It had Michelle Williams and Colin Firth.

Also, I can't wait for Jimmy Kimmel Live later!

Edited at 2012-02-27 05:02 am (UTC)

The whole room of people watching with me were like, "Someone has to IMDB that shit, what *is* he talking about?" Except she was like 16/17 when that movie was made, not 12, Colin!

I'm really thrilled that The Artist won, but I sort of wish Hugo had. It would have been nice if Hugo had taken Best Director and The Artist Best Picture. Loved Du Jardin, but--yeah. SHOCK. I can't believe Viola Davis didn't win. WTF was up with that?

Oh good, I was wondering if anyone else actually liked it. Was that last copied tweet in Cleo's commentary sarcastic? I couldn't tell.

Edited at 2012-02-27 05:21 am (UTC)

I kinda love that Meryl dresses up as an oscar. IT WAS FATE.

Heck, Meryl was super-surprised when she won, too. She jumped! I liked the bit where she said something like "I'm very aware that I'm never going to be up here again," she's been to so many of these things and she knows how they work.

And I agree about Portman. Seriously, I could read those lines better than that, even in front of eleventy billion movie stars and the whole TV audience.

In less than a minute, Billy Crystal and Jimmy Kimmel managed to be more enjoyable than the ENTIRE Oscars...

There's something really wrong there.

Having emergency Tagalongs life-flighted in!
Also the after interviews on way into parties are BUH WHA?
Richard Dreyfus has either srs cray cray or they really did leave the bar open for the last six hours...