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Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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The odds may or may not be in my favor
THE HUNGER GAMES APPROACHETH. I have no idea when I'll get to see it, but I'm hoping in the next two days.

@SmartBitches: I think there’s a movie coming out. Something about gaming while hungry? Maybe it’s about Cheetos.

@cleolinda: I believe it’s the Doritos Hunger Bowl XXVII.

@SmartBitches: Brought to you by Ford?

@cleolinda: By the Ford Focus. Ford Focus: When you need to focus, focus on a Ford. And now back to you in the death arena, Caesar!

@SmartBitches: “Side curtain airbags would have been no help on that hit.”

@cleolinda: “Put your hands together for Taylor Swift and the Tesserae Dancers in the Snickers Half-Time Show!”

Sometimes, you get a little bit manic, and you can't concentrate, so you start scrolling through the TV listings, and you start thinking things.


Thanks to improved signals from the Department of Communications, all television sets will turn on automatically at the designated times for your convenience and cannot be turned off. If you are in a rural District and do not own a television, report to your Neighborhood Entertainment Assembly. All of the following programs are mandatory viewing:

All listings in Universal Panem Time.

Good Morning Panem! – 6:00-8:00 am: Host Ruby Ruffle reports on the trendy new iridescent tie-dye chiffon from District 8; celebrity chef Mignon previews the Hunger Games Tributes' final meal choices; Head Gamemaker Seneca Crane drops in for a retrospective of arena death traps; glow-in-the-dark tattoos.

My Little Pony: Labor Is Magic – 8:00-8:30 am: "Hay to the No!" Twilight Sparkle turns Pinkie Pie in to the District 11 Efficiency Overseer for slacking off on hay production.

Dora the Explorer – 8:30-9:00 am: "¡Por Favor!" Dora is punished severely for leaving her District. Again.

Wheel of Fortune – 9:00-9:30 am: Contestants spin the wheel in hopes of winning extra tesserae rations, glamorous surgical implantations, lifetime supplies of epidermal sequins, and so much more! Tune in to see if someone finally wins the $1000 Grand Prize, and also because it is mandatory!

Jeopardy! – 9:30-10:00 am: Contestants must give their answers in the form of a question as they are suspended over the Lake of Sharks, now enhanced with laser beams.

Panem's Top Model – 10:00-11:00 am: "Wild Side Makeovers!" Lamé storms out of the Mugatu spring runway show; Chartreuse is eliminated after refusing to be surgically enhanced to look like a giraffe.

The Real Housewives of Capitol City – 11:00 am-12:00 pm: Pashmina throws a dinner party for her quarter-birthday; Tourmaline and Honeydew engage in a slapfight at the vomitorium; Calpurnia dyes herself puce.

The Sweet Life - 12:00-1:00 pm: The beloved long-running soap opera about the lives and loves of District 11 workers perfectly content with 16-hour days at an artificial sweetener processing plant.

Deadliest Farm – 1:00-2:00 pm: The Chaffstack family struggles to plant wheat amidst the yearly swarm of mutant weevilocusts in District 9.

Law & Order: Rebellious Intent – 2:00-3:00 pm: The rebel who vandalized the Jeopardy! shark tank last week will be tried and found guilty.

I (Almost) Got Away With It – 3:00-4:00 pm: The rebel convicted of vandalizing the Jeopardy! shark tank last week will be to fed to the Justice Ligers. Live commentary from Brisket Merriman and Fancy Trace.

Biography – 4:00-5:00 pm: A cautionary look at how the rebel executed for vandalizing the Jeopardy! shark tank last week was led astray by moderate progressives early in life; the touching story of the new Wheel of Fortune Thousandaire Winner.

Behind the Muttations – 5:00-6:00 pm: A closer look at the new breed of Tracker Jackers that will hunt non-cooperatives to the death, now with 67% more sting efficiency, as demonstrated on test subjects.

This Panemian Life – 6:00-7:00 pm: "Hi Ho, It's Off to Work We Go." The selfless, uncomplaining, hard-working coal miners of District 12 are profiled; Bronies protesting the liquidation of Pinkie Pie are sent to labor enjoyment camps.

Everybody Loves Big Brother – 7:00-7:30 pm: A new season of wacky shenanigans at the Department of Security office in District 2!

Panem Idol – 7:30-9:30 pm: Young singers compete for exemption from future Hunger Games and an unbreakable lifetime contract with Panem National Radio. The top twenty finalists are determined; the ten worst auditioners are fed to fire weasels; returning winner A$hl!e performs "I Told You Not to Leave."

News You're Allowed to Use – 9:30-10:00 pm: Capitol-approved selections of your local District news.

Caesar! – 10:00-11:00 pm: Caesar Flickerman's 74th Annual Hunger Games interviews continue; District 12 tributes describe their hopes, their dreams, and the people who will mourn them; Taylor Swift performs "If This Was a Movie (You Would Die First)."


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is it sad that this list of TV shows makes me want to read the books more than anything else I've heard about them?

I can't decide if my favorite is the chain of shows about the shark tank rebel, or A$h!le.

Heh. Well, I tried to come up with things that would sound like they really would have fit in that universe, so that kind of loopiness is definitely in the book.

I would watch all of these things.

"Epidermal Sequins" sounds like the best name ever for a Lady GaGa coverband.

Just finished re-reading the first book and got my tickets booked for the preview tonight... so this was perfect distraction really while I try and actually get some work done first :o)

Loving the Next Top Model bit (is it worrying how easy the giraffe thing is to visualise?!) And also Taylor Swift. Everywhere. I'm still in two minds about whether the theme song works.. it fits the mood at the end of the book, I guess?

I haven't heard any of the music yet, but I heard it was kind of like that, yeah.

I admit, the line at the end was going to be, "Taylor Swift performs "(I Never Liked You) Anyway," but I was afraid someone might link her to it and then she'd write a another song about how mean people are.

I'm trying to think of a way that I could love this more, and ... it's just not coming to me. :)

Pinkie Pie, no! We told you to follow orders, and see where that got you? Same for you, Dora.

That lineup is amazing. Particularly the Justice Ligers. Forget the Jeopardy laser-shark pit, the Justice Ligers are the most awesome animal ever conceived.

I will now spend the rest of the day contemplating spinoffs of Deadliest Farm.

Man, you don't even want to know what happens when it's harvest time. At night, the electrobeetles come.

You had me at the MLP and Dora bits. :)

It's the names that make me think you've tapped into Collins's brain.

Or maybe you ARE Suzanne Collins?!

Heh. I'm a decent style mimic, I think.

Dora the Explorer – 8:30-9:00 am: "¡Por Favor!" Dora is punished severely for leaving her District. Again.

Taylor Swift performs "If This Was a Movie (You Would Die First)."

Still laughing.

I *wasn't*, but then I read the names here again and now I'm laughing again....

The odds are absolutely in your flavor.

I'm not sure if this was a typo or not, but please tell me there are Hunger Games food/drink tie-ins using this tagline. I'm also picturing billboards in the Capital for food/drinks that start using this tagline when the reaping rolls around each year.

Love it! Thanks for the laugh.

That was brilliant. The odds will ever be in your favour. ;)

I've been reading Mark Reads... The Hunger Games trilogy and this was a much-needed break from "and now Suzanne Collins punches me in the face".

I mean, she does it so well but eeeeeeee!