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Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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So I saw Battleship
msauvage purple
@cleolinda: Well, that was the best Navy recruitment film I have EVER SEEN. Also, I really want a Coke Zero now.

@cleolinda: OH DAMMIT RT @TheMovieSpoiler: Stay for ALL of the credits in BATTLESHIP #TheMovieSpoiler #Credits

[I staggered out of there the red-hot second the music started because I had "enjoyed" a "medium" Coke Not-Zero and spent the last hour of the movie in steadily increasing pain, and nothing could have made me stay, much less this.]

@cleolinda: Man, a full-length Battleship at @TheMovieSpoiler would help. Unfortunately, judging by the box office, I was the only person who saw it.

@cleolinda: I TOOK THAT BULLET FOR ALL OF YOU RT @tinytempest: @cleolinda yes, and we're all giving you the side-eye because you did.


@alliancesjr: Wait, what? That was a thing that happened?

@cleolinda: Right before Rihanna blows an alien's head off with a cannon. #SPOILERS #NOONECARES

@cleolinda: Also, a wizened old veteran shouting, "Let's drop some lead on these motherf--" "FIRE!"

@alliancesjr: So basically this movie should be called "Rihanna Blows Shit Up"? Because I'd be likely to see it if that's the case.

@cleolinda: As previously established!

("In any case, if they make the sequel, it should star Rihanna and the main character conflict should be over her wanting to shoot things, and other people perhaps not wanting her to shoot them.")

@cleolinda: This was long after Taylor Kitsch got tasered for falling through a 7-11 ceiling and stealing a chicken burrito. FOR LOVE.

@cleolinda: And his brother Vampire Eric is VERY DISAPPOINTED IN HIM


@cleolinda: Because the cinematic oeuvre of Taylor Kitsch is cursed, obvs.

I would ask y'all what you thought, but judging by the box office, I'm not sure there's anything to say or anyone to say it. My mother might have actually counted as negative dollars towards a gross that low. She loved it, though, and wants to see it again--two for two this summer for her. And I'm pretty sure she would, except that she also wants to see Snow White and the Hammer Guy and Prometheus (PROMETHEUS! PROMETHEUS!!!), and there are only so many weekends.

(Poor Taylor Kitsch. She's gonna love John Carter when it comes out on DVD.)


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Given Rihanna blowing shit up, I'd automatically rate it as better than The Last Failbender on the basis of having characters of colour doing stuff.

So.... your mom is adorable, as always, but, um, yeah.


....Rhianna blows shit up? That's cool.

Obviously that end movie is the hook for the sequel, in which a bunch of plucky kids will have to build a giant mousetrap out of shoes and bathtubs in order to catch the aliens.

Can we have a double feature of Rihanna Shoots Everything and River Tam Beats Up Everyone?

Dude, I would pay the IMAX price to watch that.

See, Rihanna blowing shit up was entirely the reason I went to see this a few weeks ago (also: Hawaii = pretty), it's just that in between the Too Stupid To Live and the batshit crazy attempts at plotting, I ended up slumped in my seat with zero will to live. At the point where they started ripping off a particularly bad ep of Hawaii 5-0

There was not as much Rihanna Blowing Up Shit as I felt I had been promised, actually. The stupid seemed to even out as the movie went on--I'm still not sure what that crack about Taylor Kitsch somehow being like Donald Trump and Mike Tyson was about, and God bless him, anyone who was like I'MA GO TOUCH THE ALIEN SHIP THING should have died right there.

I still maintain that the best part of the movie was anything that involved Tadanobu Asano. He seemed to be the only one having any fun.

GASP Tadanobu Asano is in it? *love*

I've seen some of his Japanese movies, and he was in Thor, and I am all for supporting his awesomeness. Sort of like I am tempted to see the G. I. Joe sequel for Lee Byung-hun. Still, I think I'm saving my monies for Prometheus, Snow White, Brave, Batman, and Spiderman.

Sounds like 'another showing of 'Avengers' for me' [tm] if I want to go to the movies again. ^_^

Probably "The Avengers" is why "Battleship" did so abysmally, to be honest. Because hey, two summer blockbusters and one is also a good film in its own right? Give moneys to that one. ^_^

I told myself that I would see it if it was really, really bad (like, The Room bad) but u don't think it a managed to reach that elusive level of badness. Which is a crying shame

Just want to say, I love your icon.

Snow White and the Hammer Guy

Very apt.

Believe me, I'm THERE. I'm not even ashamed.

Though I have to say, some of the publicity animated gifs I've seen on tumblr are starting to suggest that Kristen Stewart might have had, like, actual FUN making this movie, and that gives me... hope? I dunno. But I'm vastly amused at the hate-flirting going on between her and Theron.

the tumblr gifs I've seen have been light on the hate, heavy on the flirting. I am starting to get really excited for this movie.

It saddens me that Taylor Kitsch's Movie Career is cursed. Because you know what? I loved the shit out of John Carter, AND Battleship. In fact, for me, T'Boy, and T'Boy's two friends, Battleship was one of the most fun films we've seen this year. And we all agreed that if we were twelve, John Carter would be our most favourite film ever.

So there you are.

I know, I'm really kind of sad for him. I WANTED to see John Carter, but just couldn't ever make it work time-wise. The way it turned into this self-fulfilling prophecy of a flop, I started to view that movie as, like, a sad puppy that just wanted a home. Why is everyone so MEAN to that poor movie? JOHN CARTER JUST WANTS TO LOVE YOU.

I've heard nothing but awful, awful things about this movie. I love Taylor Kitsch, but I worry for his future career. I was willing to let The Covenant slide because it was pre-FNL, and I actually really enjoyed John Carter, but dude. DUUUDE.

HOWEVER. If Rihanna does, indeed, blow shit up? I'm actually kind of excited now.

Also, inquiring minds need to know: does the line "You sunk my battleship!" appear anywhere in this movie? (Seriously. I need to know.)

It does not! There is only one actual old-school battleship, as opposed to the destroyers, and it is not sunk.

Honestly, I have seen far worse. I'd heard it was big stupid fun, and kind of expected it to be stupider than it actually was.

"Snow White and the Hammer Guy" -- IS THAT ACTUALLY HER NAME FOR IT? (I love your mom's alternate names for things.)

Hee, no, she just calls it "Snow White" or "the good Snow White." (As opposed to "the Snow White that was so terrible.") She does, however, refer to characters in The Avengers as "The Guy with the Hammer, The Guy with the Arrows, and Scarlett Johansson."

(She comes home and tells me about HR/benefits shenanigans that make my head spin, so this is not to say she's not smart. She just allocates her mental resources less frivolously than I do.)

(minesweeper: the movie)

Having seen it, I honestly enjoyed it... I mean its no Avengers, but by the time the title actually came into effect I was really getting into it... of course I was trying to remember if that was the same setting for Under Siege. (It was) However, I think my enjoyment was ratcheted up a notch because of a subtly in the plot that I'm not absolutely sure the writers meant to be there. The aliens aren't definitively the bad guys. Think about the plot and what is done, and how they reacted to various things. *vagues it up to avoid specific spoilers*

I haven't seen it yet, and I think I'll wait for dollar theater or netflix to get it. But, I think my friend summed it up best with "Battleship should have been titled 'Liam Neeson fucks up water'."

I have to say? There is entirely not enough Liam Neeson in this movie. He disappears for HUGE chunks of time. Like maybe an entire hour in there. Even then he just kind of shouts at people to make things happen. I was severely disappoint.