Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones
cleolinda

So I saw Breaking Dawn (Part Two, Some More, Whatever)

@cleolinda: #leavingthehouseomg #sparkledammerung

@cleolinda: These gifs express my feelings on the bittersweet ending of the Twilight movies.

@cleolinda: An hour early was not early enough. Line all the way through the building to the back door. Forgot one does not simply walk into Twilight.

@cleolinda: The line has now doubled all the way back around to the front. #sparkledammerung

@cleolinda: FRONT ROW RAILING SEAT ACHIEVED. ONLY MINOR CASUALTIES. IN TRENCHES WITH PRETEENS. #sparkledammerung

@osheamobile: RETURN WITH YOUR SCRAPBOOK OR ON IT

So I was actually planning to go see Skyfall with my mother Friday night (my grandmother had an unexpected surgery last week and we ended up not going last Friday), but then, on the spur of the moment, she decided that Skyfall was maybe too long for a 7:30 pm showing, so why don't we just go ahead and see Breaking Dawn, since it's only two hours, comes on half an hour earlier, and I have to write that thing anyway? Yeahhhhh the line was so long it went all the way to the back of the building, then snaked around and doubled back to the front. We happened to get there at six, when it was only at the back of the building still. My mother had never witnessed this kind of thing before (and this wasn't even a midnight showing, mind you), and immediately got Line Claustrophobic. Also, really pissed off at people breaking in and not respecting the lineness of the line. (I started telling her veteran war stories of the New Moon preview.)

For some reason, Twilight movies have always been Srs Bsns in Birmingham; no matter what day or time I've gone to a showing, the atmosphere is always more super-concentrated churchlike than anything. We did get good screams at the really key moments, and I was sitting next to the Vestavia Branch of the Emmett Cullen Fan Club (Junior Division), but it wasn't wall-to-wall pandemonium like other correspondents have reported. It's also funny in the right places (this may be why I've been told by multiple people that it feels like a filmed version of my recaps--not that anyone read them, but that Bill Condon and Melissa Rosenberg thought the same things were funny that I did) (also, because I was never making it up). Watching reactions roll in on my Twitter, I'm seeing a lot of "I actually liked this movie" and "more fun than the other four combined" (and "OMG CLEO AND DAYNA WILL LOVE IT"). I had also heard that the movie goes totally off the rails at the end and that there is a 10-15 minute stretch where, by several published accounts, audiences do nothing but SCREAM CONTINUOUSLY. A word about this part: the way I kept hearing it phrased, I started trying to think of creatively batshit plot developments, and thus was a little disappointed when Renesmee did not, in fact, give birth to a litter of werepuppies and Charlie didn't burst in with guns blazing and and the Volturi didn't eat all the high school kids and Alice didn't wear Aro's face as a jaunty beret. (I have really, really high batshit standards, people.) As it turned out, I had read an article on the MTV movies blog months ago that very casually mentioned that they had shot a [spoiler] sequence. [Spoiler] even [spoilered his spoiler]! [Actor who plays Spoiler] thinks we're going to love it! And I thought it was just going to be some little [spoiler]; I didn't realize it would be the Big Finale. So the Scream Section starts, and I'm like... WHAT IN THE SWEET NAME OF SPARKLE IS HAPPE... oh. So I was all [spoilered] but also knew it was going to be [spoilered] in the end, and so I wasn't as freaked out as the rest of the audience. And, let me tell you, I was sorely disappointed that I didn't have something new and utterly wacked-out to discover. I wanted to be a Twilight Noob just one more time, you guys! But it was not to be.

So what I'm saying is, don't tie yourself in knots trying to be imaginative. It's just that shit gets real, as they say, in ways you do not expect a Twilight movie to get real.

(Dayna, do we have a sound clip of me rubbing my hands together evilly?)


SHORT VERSION:

@christylemire: My review of the shockingly entertaining TWILIGHT finale. We are all Renesmee Cullen:

This is by far the best film in the series. This does not necessarily mean it's good. But as it reaches its prolonged and wildly violent crescendo, it's at least entertaining in a totally nutso way.
That's about the way of it, yeah. I also chimed in for Christy's article on the lead actors' future (@AP: For Twilight actors, transition from beloved film series with fervent fan base can be tricky). The horse I chose to back should come as no surprise.

I want to leave my own share of discussion at that, but we usually have spoilers in the comments, so why the hell not: go for it. I don't want to talk very much about the movie myself, since I need to save it for That Of Which We Do Not Speak, which we will speak of because we all know I'm writing it. I actually knocked out a fairly solid outline at 3 am Saturday morning. (Also, we'll be recording a Made of Fail episode on Tuesday.) Don't know how long it'll take to write, but these things always take at least a few days, and both my grandmother and my sister are really, really sick; I know my immune system well enough to know that, particularly after going out and being around people omg, I am probably going to get sick (again) myself. I'm proactively warding it off the best I can, but I'm just saying: build some wait time into your expectations here. I don't think it'll take six weeks like The Avengers did, but bear with me here a while. Go ye and catch up on the first four Twilight in Fifteen Minuteses while you wait.


Meanwhile, this is going to be the Help I Cannot Remember Specifics thread, for all my HELP I CANNOT REMEMBER SPECIFICS needs.



Site Meter
Tags: m15m, movie discussion, movies, sparklemas, the sparkledämmerung, twilight, twitter, we do not speak of it
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 196 comments
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →