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Golden Globes #3
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Please welcome! John Goodman and Actual Tony Mendez, Real-Life Hero of Argo, to present the Argo montage! The sound is terrible in a way that is not my TV's fault and I can barely hear what he is saying. I still need and want to see Argo! Yay!

Please also welcome! Jason Statham and Jennifer Lopez with meager swaths of lace painted onto portions of her body, it is kind of magnificent!

Best Original Score
Mychael Danna, "Life of Pi"
Alexandre Desplat, "Argo"
Dario Marianelli, "Anna Karenina"
Tom Tykwer, Johnny Klimek and Reinhold Heil, "Cloud Atlas"
John Williams, "Lincoln"

WINNER: Mychael Danna! This is somewhat of a surprise, maybe! "Bringing the Golden Globe to the stage is international star Yoshiki!" Thanks, Announcer Guy! Aw, Danna thanks "the most beautiful woman in a room full of starlets," his wife. Write that one down, guys.

Best Original Song
"For You," music and lyrics by Monty Powell, Keith Urban ("Act of Valor")
"Not Running Anymore," music and lyrics by Jon Bon Jovi ("Stand Up Guys")
"Safe & Sound," music and lyrics by Taylor Swift, John Paul White, Joy Williams, T Bone Burnett ("The Hunger Games")
"Skyfall," music and lyrics by Adele and Paul Epworth ("Skyfall")
"Suddenly," music by Claude-Michel Schonberg and lyrics by Herbert Kretzmer and Alain Boublil ("Les Miserables")

WINNER: GET IT, ADELE. "AW MY GAWD!" she shrieks. I love her so, so much. Her, and her giant beehive, and her perfect black dress. I LOVE YOU, ADELE! Daniel Craig seems to be enjoying this as well--I did not see this, but I am hearing that he gave her the highest of fives?

@SmartBitches: Apparently Taylor Swift gave Adele the stink eye of doom and I totally missed it. That mess ought to be a gif in 3…2….1

Oh, Santa, I have been so good.

Good Christ, how are we only one hour into this?

And now! Kiefer Sutherland! And also Jessica Alba in orange and really aggressive matching lipstick!

Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie
Kevin Costner, "Hatfields & McCoys"
Benedict Cumberbatch, "Sherlock (Masterpiece)"
Woody Harrelson, "Game Change"
Toby Jones, "The Girl"
Clive Owen, "Hemingway & Gellhorn"

Ah, there's Tina Fey at a table wearing poofy dude hair and a mustache to play a fake nominee, which explains the Amy Poehler Teeth thing. I wasn't hallucinating it! (OR WAS I?) WINNER: Kevin Costner, "the worst neighbor you could ever have," while everyone on Tumblr howls in holy outrage. Interestingly, he looked really grim during the name-listing, like he didn't expect to win (and Toby Jones also looks pretty somber after having not won). He gives a long but well-spoken speech that is... kind of sad?

@KiranPeg: Kevin Costner's speech gave me the vibe he was immediately going to sea to die after it and that was his goodbye.

There was something really nice about Gregory Peck in it, I can't really Bill Clinton? BILL CLINTON? What is happening? Is this Amy Poehler? No, this is BILL CLINTON. Lena Dunham looks EXACTLY as shocked as I do. STANDING OVATION FOR BILL CLINTON.

"A tough fight," he says, "to push a bill through the House of Representatives..." Oh, you're here for the Lincoln montage, aren't you?

Amy Poehler is aflutter: "THAT WAS HILLARY CLINTON'S HUSBAND!" Fey comes running out in her hair and mustache: "THAT WAS BILL RODHAM CLINTON!" God bless.

Here are! Will Ferrell! And Kristen Wiig! Holding hands and mouths dropped open with shock! Wiig: "It is our distinct honor..." Ferrell is staring around at the ceiling. I can't tell if this is a Clinton leftover thing or what. They totally saw the five nominated actresses' movies, you guys. That is totally for sure. Do not doubt this for a moment. "When the salmon, the salmon come out... and the bad guy... and they go to YEMEN." Judi Dench used to be a police officer, and she says, "GET OUUUUUT OF HERE," but she is an unknown, where did she come from? Did Jennifer Lawrence have a cookbook? They're not sure. "What does that say? Mariel?" "Mariel Streep." "She is the BEST sheriff." CUT TO: THE DEATH GLARE OF TOMMY LEE JONES. "GET OUUUUUUT OF HERE!!"

Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy
Emily Blunt, "Salmon Fishing in the Yemen"
Judi Dench, "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel"
Jennifer Lawrence, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Maggie Smith, "Quartet"
Meryl Streep, "Hope Springs"

WINNER: JENNIFER LAWRENCE! Oh, sit down, Taylor Swift, you did nothing. "I beat Meryl!" she says, and then the sound on my TV goes all blurbly again, so I will simply restrict myself to noting that her dress is red and boofy in the skirt and FLAWLESS, I don't care what you say about the bodice, it in NO WAY looks like that time Becky from The Real World Year One stuffed her bra with actual Dixie cups, NOTHING LIKE THAT AT ALL.

@nprmonkeysee: I love Jennifer Lawrence and I love that color, but that's the weirdest bust on a dress I've seen in a while.

@fuggirls: Jennifer Lawnrence's boobs look like sock puppets in that dress. #GoldenGlobes -H



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I want to hate "JLaw" but she's so flawless and dorky. And did Adele really say she pissed herself?

I think she said that she and her friend nearly pissed themselves laughing at Tina and Amy.

LOL! Who is the other woman in the gif? Because that was basically my reaction to Taylor.

I have no idea. She looks kind of like Sandra Bullock?

This will make me deeply unpopular, but I kind of hate Adele more than a little bit. Every time she squawks out an unsupported high note I swear I can her her vocal cords crying.


(Also: Marigold Hotel gave me a happy; I wish Judi Dench had won.)

I actually loved the bodice of JLaw's dress, would steal it if I had the body for it.

Here is a kind-of-a-funny-story about Mychael Danna: I once had the pleasure of being accompanied by Mychael and Jeff Danna (on piano and guitar respectively) when I was singing a solo at my brother's wedding, as both the Danna brothers were in his wedding party, being old friends of the family and whatnot.

The funny-but-mostly-awful part is that for the first and only time in my entire amateur singing career, I got so flustered I forgot nearly the entire first verse of a song I had been practicing hard all week, and simply stared out at the audience blankly while the Dannas played on majestically behind me. Then my brain kicked in and I blathered out the last line of the verse and went on from there, but it wasn't... quite... the same, you know?

It made me smile that Life of Pi got at least one Award tonight (Since I knew that with Les Mis and Argo there was no chance)

I cheered really loudly when "Skyfall" won (and managed to see the little high five between Daniel Craig and Adele which was So Precious)

I still really like Tswift music (her music is catchy! can't help it) but her is beginning to irritate me, (Her "narrowed eyes and fakey smile when Adele won instead of her made me facepalm really hard. I mean, Seriously? seriously? Don't Be petty- dont you dare! you got plenty of MTV music awards and country music awards dont be petty when someone else wins! (also come on- Skyfall was definitely better than safe and sound)

(also the speed she goes through boyfriends and breakups is beginning to alarm me- she definitely need a time out from dating.)

also I'm sorry- I know it's not the most dignified response but I SQUEED and Gaped at my screen like a stunned guppy fish when BILL CLINTON came onstage. (I love him! he's at the top of my list of favorite presidents next to JFK- and I really hope Hilary Clinton gets a full recovery so she can run for president next)

Will Ferrell and wiig segment was PRICELESS (as well as seething grumpy Tommy lee Jones (who looked like an 18th century president with the weird mustache goatee on his face)

JenniferLaw little mean girls reference had me giggling like a dork. althought her "I beat Meryl!" thing had me facepalming a bit (I'll give her leeway in that her tone was more surprised than anything else but still-- why must actresses do that?) i'm happy for her she won. (the bust area of her dress was the weirdest most awkward thing I'm sorry cleo)

James Bond High-Fiving Adele

THERE IS A GIF, HERE: http://25.media.tumblr.com/e842f9fc23921a343dd48034d02c9b6b/tumblr_mglfwtOerD1rzvyo8o1_500.gif

Aw I love Mychael Danna's work. :3

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