Log in

No account? Create an account

Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
I wrote a thing! And someone who is not me posted it! It is at The Toast, and it is in response to "Men Apologizing to Me":

Of those [submissions from women], I’d guess about half begin with an apology for not pitching properly or having a half-formed idea or for existing in the first place.

Which means that every week, a lot of women apologize to me for wanting to write.

And it’s such a shame, because the pitches we get are wonderful — tremendous — bizarre — funny — and not at all something to apologize over. Sometimes I get a story or an idea that isn’t quite right for us, but even then I love getting to hear from readers and I’m always, always happy to read about something that matters to you.

You are not, and your thoughts are not, and your words are not, an imposition.

(This is going to sound really strange, but trust me on this: look over the (surprisingly entertaining) submission guidelines first.)

NOW you can read it. "Thirteen Ways of Pitching to The Toast" is here.

(There is a genuine pitch in there somewhere. SEE IF YOU CAN FIND IT before you get to the tags.)

Meanwhile, the War of the Seasons Kickstarter has already passed 50% of its goal with 27 days to go, so I'm gonna guess that we'll probably meet the stretch goal, which is where my story will come in. And basically any pledge option you go with, $5 or over, you'll automatically get the extra stories if their respective goals are met.

In conclusion, Alice Munro bless us, every one.

Site Meter

  • 1
Thanks! (And then the site went down this afternoon and I was like "what noooooo")

I'm really happy you're having so much success right now. You've worked hard and you're incredibly talented and you deserve it.

Aw, thanks. I don't quite know what's happening, or if it'll even last the week. This is a familiar experience, in a way, if you're bipolar--kind of a sense of "make hay while the sun shines."

I hope it lasts FOREVER.

I just started watching Hannibal (as you may know from rufinia's showdenfreude) and checked your tag; did you only start recapping with episode 4? I need your recaps to help me survive this show oh my god it's so creepy.

Maybe there are next/previous links at the bottom? Here's the full list, I was there bright and early for the first one:


Thank you for introducing me to The Toast!

I have sent Mallory a couple of apology-tweets.

(Deleted comment)
Dude, Sylvia Plath's "Lady Lazarus" actually has the words "grave cave" in it. I just made it a smidge zombier.


"a body of trembling, kitten-eyed"

love the whole thing. and spectralbovine's comment.

Jesus, Cleo, that made me laugh so hard I scared the neighbor's dog. You have a very impressive handle on the spambot voice, although the Gollum turn was what made me lose it. I've been taking screengrabs of my favorite spam comments that pop up on my blog and one of them had a vampire novel hidden in it:

"I bet to digger MM. He's clearly a vampire. At first I thought he was Cancerian (aren't they all?), but you're right, the pomade and starched robe are distinctly Virgoan, and notice how he hasn't left a mass. Recently, he unsuccessfully attempted veganism, and famished, he's seeking out his next prey. Half an earlier, the woman behind him was a buxom taurean, forty kilos heavier, and she's now suffering from acute anemia, feeling somewhat light headed and rethinking her crush on Rob Pattinson."

Any of you are welcome to use that, by the way. I figure if the spambots are dumping Twilight fanfiction in my comments, it's Public Domain.

See, I always do my research, is the thing. I literally googled "Nigerian scam email" and started browsing.

... why do I not have a job writing spambot fanfic? Can I do this?

I say, yes. You've demonstrated an impressive grasp of the genre and it would definitely make clearing out my spam more enjoyable!


Somehow I knew it's going to be for The Toast.

Well, because The Toast is awesome.

That is amazing and I look forward to your memoir!

I don't know if they'll want it; I have to write it first, but it was interesting to be like, "Hey, I think this part could actually be a thing." (Thanks!)

Very cool! Self publishing and ebooks have come a long way. Sounds like a lot of positive things are happening for you.

You are not, and your thoughts are not, and your words are not, an imposition.

That makes me tear up a little and I kind of want to embroider it on a pillow.

But anyway: congrats on everything! I'm excited for you!

Oh my god, this post, Cleo, this post is pure unadulterated win and glee. With ponies. Rainbow ponies that poop marshmallows.

That is so awesome. Couldn't be happier for you. :)

Although, re: the submission guidelines:

Please do not send us your poetry, unless you are the reanimated Sylvia Plath, in which case we’d honestly prefer you write a personal narrative about what it’s like to be reanimated.

Not gonna lie, that's extremely tempting...

Cleo, the awesomeness that is you is impossible to describe. Thank you for the gift of yourself to us!

  • 1