Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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cleolinda


THIS MOVIE IS THE LIGHT OF MY FUCKING LIFE

I HAVEN'T BEAMED THROUGH AN ENTIRE MOVIE LIKE THAT SINCE MIA WASIKOWSKA WAS ALSO IN JANE EYRE

MAJOR SPOILERS

EDITH CUSHING IS THE PROVERBIAL CINNAMON ROLL TOO GOOD, TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD AND I ADORE HER

(SHE IS A WRITER AND IT IS META AS FUCK)




MIA'S WARDROBE IS LITERALLY, IN THE LITERAL SENSE OF LITERALLY, 76% NIGHTGOWNS

I NEED HER CROCHET SHAWL-ROBE




BEST COSTUME OSCARS 2016

TOM HIDDLESTON IS PERFECT AND THIS CHARACTER WOULD NOT HAVE WORKED WITH ANYONE ELSE

MY GOD, THE WALTZ WITH THE CANDLE







OH MY GOD HE PROPOSES TO HER WITH A SPEECH THEY ADAPTED FROM JANE EYRE

M Y F A V O R I T E B O O K

I FUCKING SWOONED

I WENT IN COLD AND STILL GUESSED EVERY SINGLE THING THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN

I MEAN THAT AS A COMPLIMENT

THE GOTHIC TROPES WERE THAT ON POINT

(WAIT, NO, I DIDN'T GUESS THE BABY SECRET! THEY GOT ONE OVER ON ME!)

I KNEW THE RED HOT SECOND JESSICA CHASTAIN SHOWED UP THAT SHE + TOM HIDDLESTON = INCEST




LIKE THE ONLY QUESTION IS HOW FAR INTO DOING IT ARE THEY GONNA BE WHEN EDITH WALKS IN ON THEM BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN

(NOT NEARLY AS FAR AS I EXPECTED)

"I WANT MY RING BACK. I EARNED THAT RING"

GIRL YOU DONE SOME MURRRDERRRS

BUT THEN THEY WERE LIKE "AND WE GREW UP IN AN ATTIC"

"WE ONLY HAD EACH OTHERRRRRR"

AND I WAS LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

WERE THERE FLOWERS UP THERE TOO?

I'M ONLY SURPRISED LUCILLE DIDN'T BRING EDITH COOKIES WITH HER POISON TEA

AND WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS ROTTING INDOOR-LEAFY-SNOWY CLAY-BLEEDING HOUSE




I WANT TO LIVE IN IT

(YOU CAN KEEP THE BLOOD CLAY SKELETON GHOSTS THO)

"YOU NEED A BREAK FROM THE MURDER HOUSE, EDITH, LET'S GO FUCK AT THE POST OFFICE"

CHARLIE HUNNAM IS ALSO THERE

(HE'S STILL A GOLDEN RETRIEVER IN HUMAN FORM)




LIKE I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU EVERY FUCKING THING THAT HAPPENS

JUST THE PARTS THAT I FUCKING LOVED

LIKE WHEN CHARLIE SHOWS UP AND REALIZES IN LIKE THIRTY SECONDS THAT EDITH IS DYING OF POISON

AND HE IS LIKE "WE ARE LEAVING RIGHT NOW"




"LITERALLY RIGHT NOW"

"I WILL FIND YOU A COAT TO PUT ON OVER YOUR NIGHTGOWN"

"OH FUCK I'VE BEEN STABBED"

AND THEN THERE IS THE "SIGN THE MONEY PAPERS OR I WILL KILL YOU" TROPE

LIKE.

EDITH, JUST DON'T SIGN THE PAPERS?

AND THEN LUCILLE BURNS EDITH'S MANUSCRIPT!!!

THIS AMY MARCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER

AND THAT IS WHEN EDITH CUSHING HAS HAD FUCKING ENOUGH

SUDDENLY EVERYONE IS STABBING EVERYONE

AND THEN JESSICA CHASTAIN LOSES HER ENTIRE MOTHERFUCKING SHIT

AND SHE AND MIA ARE FUCKING RACING THROUGH THE ENTIRE GODDAMN HOUSE KNIFING AT EACH OTHER

WHILE JESSICA CHASTAIN SCREAMS "RRRRAHHHHH!!!!!"

AND HER GOTHIC NIGHTGOWN BILLOWS DOWN A MILLION FUCKING STAIRCASES






NIGHTGOWN KNIFE FIGHT

~*~*~ I BECAME A BEING OF PURE DELIGHT ~*~*~

AND THEN

**MAJOR SPOILER**

MY PRECIOUS FRAGILE CINNAMON ROLL

FUCKING KILLS JESSICA CHASTAIN IN THE HEAD WITH A MOTHERFUCKING SHOVEL

AND A WELL-DESERVED ONE LINER

I LIVE INSIDE THIS MOVIE NOW

PLEASE FORWARD ALL MY MAIL TO IT

GO SEE IT IN THE THEATER

OR YOU WILL NEVER STOP REGRETTING IT

We need to talk so much about how Edith's one-liners are *the actual best*. "I'd rather be Mary Shelley. She died a widow." "I heard you the first time." I want to read Edith's book, Edith's book was probably so awesome.

Manuscripts don't burn.

I was SO UPSET when Thomas was forced to shit-talk the book. That was legit the most upsetting thing in the entire movie to me. I wasn't even looking when she slapped him, it was too painful.

I thought about going to see it. That was a big deal, as movie seats are physically painful for me, being designed for narrow-hipped anorexics...except for the disabled seats, which are always commandeered by able-bodied twentysomething men. So I was planning on putting up with at least two hours of pain to go see this.

But then I saw the still of that flayed-looking--person? ghost? demon?--scuttling down the hall on all fours, and I thought, Maybe I'd better reconsider. Who or what WAS that creature?

Edited at 2015-10-18 08:40 pm (UTC)

That's what the ghosts look like in the movie. The gothic mansion is built on a red clay mine, so its ghosts look like they're made of that red clay.

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I JUST GOT BACK AND I AM SO OMG THIS MOVIE!!!!!!

THEY WERE LIKE 'AW, SO YOU WANNA BE JANE AUSTEN, THAT'S CUTE' AND SHE'S LIKE 'FUCK YOU, I WANNA BE MARY SHELLEY' AND THEN HIDDLES IS LIKE, 'I LOVE YOUR WORK' AND SHE'S LIKE **SWOON** AND I'M LIKE, 'HE'S TOTALLY EVIL AND I DON'T CARE IT WOULD TOTALLY WORK ON ME TOO' AND THEN HE'S LIKE, 'YOU SHOULD GET OUT MORE, COME DANCE WITH ME' AND THEN THE DANCE WITH THE CANDLE, I WANT GIFS OF IT, THE ENTIRE DANCE I MEAN AND THEN LUCILLE IS LIKE, 'HERE, DRINK THIS TEA' AND I'M LIKE, 'GUUURL, DON'T DRINK THE TEA, DON'T DRINK THE TEA!' AND THEN HIDDLES IS LIKE, 'SERIOUSLY, DON'T DRINK THE TEA' AND I'M LIKE, 'YAY YAY YAY HE'S NOT EVIL ANYMORE YAY!!!' AND THEN THAT scrraaaaaaaaaaaaaape WHEN SHE'S FEEDING HER THE PORRIDGE AND THEN !THAT! !SEX! !SCENE! AND THE RED SNOW, AND THE SNOW PILING UP FROM THE HOLE IN THE CEILING, AND THEN EDITH GETS UP BRANDISHING THE KNIFE ALL, 'COME AT ME, BITCH!' AND THEN THE BOOK WITH HER FUCKING NAME ON IT!!!

*ahem*

Basically, yeah, what you said.

I thank you for the screen caps. I need to make wallpapers STAT.

Can we also discuss the fact that the credits say it was written by EDITH CUSHING and my interpretation was that NONE OF IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED LIKE NONE OF IT EVERYTHING AFTER THE PUBLISHER'S OFFICE SCENE WAS THE LOVE STORY SHE SPITEFULLY ADDED TO HER NOVEL JUST TO BE AS UBER-CLICHE AS POSSIBLE BUT SHE'S SUCH A GOOD WRITER THAT IT WAS BEAUTIFUL ANYWAY EVEN AS SHE TRIED TO BE RIDICULOUS

OR WAS THAT JUST ME

ALSO THIS IS AN ALL CAPS MOVIE

... oh wow. Like a daydream she put in, and then ended up with Charlie Hunnam (or no one at all!) IRL? I interpreted it as being real, and she wrote up what happened to it, sort of addressing the (fake) criticism that she was a child who hadn't experienced real love or real pain.

Edited at 2015-10-18 09:16 pm (UTC)

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I saw this last night in IMAX and it was the best decision ever. I need all of the Sharpe's wardrobe, I don't care how many years out of date it is I WANT IT. Lucille's blue dress with the black ivy and moth cocoons all over it is my everything. As much as I love Edith, I walked out of there head over heels for Lucille. Jessica Chastain owned that hardcore and it's magnificent.

Just let me live in this movie always. Barring that, I'll be seeing it a couple more times while I'm in the US.

Yeah, I read an interview that Del Toro sent the script to Chastain without notes, thinking she might take the role of Edith, and Chastain wrote back right away that yeah, no, she was gonna be Lucille and she was gonna be Lucille as Hell, thanks.

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I wanted to see this movie (mainly for Tom Hiddleston, I'll admit) even though I'm not a fan of creepy, horror-type films, but then I read your post, and now I have to see it. The crawly, zombie ghosts are giving me pause, but I might just have to endure them and see the movie anyway.

Is giving me such life. I know in my heart the slim venn diagram cross section of people who dig on the "genteel scandal of public handholding" period dramas and those who dig on caved in skulls and lurking creepy lurid oozing death makes this movie nearly impossible to recommend to... Much of anyone, but that venn cross section is my lifelong home and I knew from the first trailer this movie was my goddamn destiny. It's rare for a movie to be so enthusiastically in such a precise spectrum without apology, but... Guillermo.

If I had one quibble, it's that I was waiting for there to be a hella vengeful flipper baby zombie ghost out of the ooze for Lucille, Edith, or just straight up everyone like a category 9.34 kaiju.

Also also also!

I think my favorite thing might be the idea that near the end while a) Hiddleston is a neophyte with all the murdering he politely asks the doctor his professional opinion on just how to go about it, and b) Hunnam tells him what is quite possibly the absolute WORST and most horrible way to be stabbed because he knows that way he would be able to hold on as long as possible and help Edith despite likely dying in the most vile pain the whole while, and c) either Hiddleston is just too naive to know the difference OR there's a sort of gentlemanly code of "I know what you're doing I want to help too I mean if you say so.." With an addendum on d) that his sister was just so relieved that he stepped up with the nurse ration for once in his life she wasn't micromanaging whether or not he was doing his own style of rebellion.

EVERYBODY MAKING GLANCES FULL OF SUBTEXT, MANY OF WHICH INVOLVE KNIVES I LOVE IT

See, I interpreted that as Thomas saying, "Help me fake your death, tell me where it won't kill you." When he drags him down to the murder cellar secretly alive, it sounded like he was promising to go save Edith.

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I MUST GO SEE THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW OMG OMG OMG

SO WONDERFUL! SO MUCH FUN!

ALL THE GOTHIC ALL THE TROPES ALL THE PERFECT ALL THE CAPSLOCK ZOMGGGGG!!!!!

IT IS GORGEOUS AND SPLENDIFEROUS AND MADE JUST FOR MEEEEEEEE.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

OMG LOVED this movie. I do too sort of find myself short of people to recommend it to short of my Gothic Lit professor but I loved this movie.

Also I really loved how Edith was actually proactive and didn't just go swoon off somewhere.True she had ghosts pointing clues to her but she still was investigating and fought her way out.

Also yea Hiddleston and his sister are no doubt weird and evil but I could sort of see how Edith could find herself swept up into it. She got herself in trouble but it made sense, there was no hand wringing of "oh good lord what are you doing!? WHY are you doing that!?"

The story wasn't about the two men fighting over her, though it could have easily turned into that. It sort of was about Edith and Lucille fighting over Thomas, but even that wasn't the main point.

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Re: You made me log into my LJ account that I haven't used in ages!

. The only niggle I really have with it is that it was far too reminiscent of gender-swapped Flowers in the Attic (in the books, the girl was the dancer, the brother was the musician).

Er...Cathy Dollanganger was the ballet dancer, but her older brother Christopher was an aspiring doctor, not a musician. (And little brother Cory doesn't count, because he died of arsenic poisoning at the age of seven or so. Neither he nor his twin Carrie had any ambition to be anything while the four of them were trapped in their grandmother's attic, so far as I recall.)

Ahem. Sorry. I think I remember Flowers in the Attic a bit too well.

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"WERE THERE FLOWERS UP THERE TOO?"

That's what I said when I saw the trailer! Like my friend said, nothing about this movie is surprising but who the fuck cares.

She also said, during the manuscript burning, "this is the weirdest Little Women adaptation I've ever seen."

What I said was "NO NO NO" when Thomas was kissing her thighs and then started crawling up again. NO BOY. STAY DOWN THERE. BAD.

lol, I had the same reaction. WHOA UP THERE, YOU WERE DOING JUST FINE

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