Guess what? Days doesn't air on SoapNet at four anymore; it airs at six. Whatever. Also, I am hungry, but can't go get food until the show is over. Alice? Hand me a donut.
Oh, P.S.: I may be going to see The Day After Tomorrow tomorrow afternoon, so tomorrow's recap may be delayed a bit, too. Hang in there.
Bizarro Salem. Marlena wants to know who did this. STEFANO. Roman: "There is absolutely (STEFANO)... only one person (STEFANO)... capable of (STEFANO)... plotting (STEFANO)... something like this." Marlena: "Stefano!" No! I am shocked, shocked!
Bizarro Alice's House. Abe pronounces Bizarro Salem (BS) "unbelievable." Alice tells him to be careful with the hot tea, taking care of the daily "tea" quota on the show. Abe suggests that the Salem Stalker's reign of terror is over. Well... I would think... so. Doorbell! Abe to unidentified person: "My God! What happened to you?"
Bizarro Salem. Roman compares Stefano to a phoenix rising from the ashes. Blah blah blah implausibility blah. Marlena asks why Stefano would kill Tony. Roman: "No one was actually killed, so Tony is still alive." You know, I should go easy on Marlena. She's being dense as molasses, but then, that's probably just the embalming fluid she now has for blood talking. Roman admits that Tony hasn't shown up on the island, which is suspicious. Marlena finally catches on that everyone else who isn't actually dead must therefore be on the island. Roman says he'll take her to them.
The One Fancy Restaurant in Salem. Belle whines to John that Brandon calling Sami did no good. Possibly because he said, "I'm never coming back, so get over me." And this guy's a counselor? Kate tells Philip that she's bound and determined to push him and Sami together. In fact, she proposes to John and Belle that the four of them go get a table together.
Bed of Brady. Hope has brought shirtless Bo food. I missed what she said, but I think she said "nachos." Which are, of course, the sexiest food.
Love Cage. Crazy Jan crazies. My mother, wisely: "See, he needs to fake like he loves her." Me: "Mom... he's been doing that for, like, two weeks now." Shawn: "I want to hold you in my arms. I want to give you the love you deserve." Me: "I told you." Crazy Jan: "...This is an act, ISN'T IT?" Mom: "Two weeks, huh?" Commercials.
I'm not sure what someone's cooking in the kitchen downstairs, but it smells like it involves Flintstones chewables. Yay.
The One Fancy Restaurant in Salem. Kate proposes a toast to Marlena. John breaks down and leaves. Their love is eternal, etc. Belle angsts about Shawn, unlike every single other episode this calendar year. Philip puts his arm around her.
Love Cage. Shawn insists that he does not want to escape: "Why would I want that?" I burst out laughing about this point. You know, handcuffed to a bed in a giant metal cage is clearly cloud nine. I don't know how he said that with a straight face, y'all. They fake-makeout.
Bizarro Alice's House. It's Doug, looking like he was shot out of a cannon--hair on end filled with leaves, giant burns on his hands and face. Enter Roman and Marlena; Marlena squee-freaks out (squeeks out?): "Ohhhh, Doug! I didn't kill you!" Doug tells the woeful story of how he tried to climb the security perimeter and was blown off by the electric shock. Roman yells at him because he has told "everyone, over and over and over," not to pull shit like that. Doug gnashes his teeth in hilarious pain. No, really.
Julie's bedroom. Julie sits up and cries, "Doug, my darling, you're not dead, you're alive!" Commercials.
Bed of Brady: Bo calls a cruiser and asks if they've seen Shawn. I don't know who this cop in the car is, but he is some kind of fine.
Love Cage: Crazy Jan demands that Shawn pass "a test" to prove that he doesn't still love Belle.
The One Fancy Restaurant in Salem. Belle can't stand it and goes after John after a few minutes. Kate berates Philip for not keeping her at dinner, because she was going to invent some work emergency and leave them there to canoodle or something. Philip: *eyeroll.*
Musical Montage of Woe. John sits in the dark penthouse, lights a single candle, and flashes back to him and Marlena making out in some tropical lagoon or something. I don't know. And then there's some shot from them standing in the rain under a statue of Jesus. Look, don't ask me. "You're really gone," he mutters. Flash back to him laying the one red rose on her grave. Their love is eternal, etc. John: *tear.*
Bizarro Alice's House. Doug is upset to hear from Marlena that Julie blames herself for his death. Doug is also covered in bandaids. Abe and Roman posit that Marlena was under the influence of mind control. Roman notes that her personality changed and she kicked John out of the penthouse, although really that's just a killer not wanting to get caught, I thought. Does she remember any strange dreams? Well, I remember strange dreams about a tiger. Marlena flashes back to those dreams, only this time there's a huge deep voiceover that's all like, "YOU ARE THE SALEM SERIAL KILLER. YOU ARE GUILTY OF EVERYTHING." HEY! That's cheating! Marlena marvels that this does sound possible and tells them about the truth serum. Roman asks what she said her motive was. Marlena reluctantly admits she said that she was jealous of Roman and Kate. Doug: *snerk.* I'm not kidding, he really makes this "HA!" face and looks back at Alice. Roman: DUN DUN DUN! Commercials.
Penthouse of Woe. Their love is eternal, etc. John pinches out the one candle. On cue, enter Belle to find her father in a dark apartment. He smiles when she hugs him. I had a genuine "Awww!" moment here, I confess. Then they take it overboard with the "I'm always happier with my Izzy B." You know, the daughter named after the wife who died before you married the woman you're currently mourning. John: *tear.* More hugs.
Bizarro Alice's House. Roman thinks this is a crazy, crazy motive. He wants to know what her real motive (supposedly) was. Marlena repeats that she said under truth serum she was in love with him.
Bed of Brady. Hope tells Officer Hot to check Lookout Point. Officer Hot says he has, and nothing was there. Bo sends him down under the Lookout Point cliffs to check for any sign of an accident. The phone rings. Hope answers it: "Shawn, honey?" You know, because no one else could possibly call the house. And, in fact, it is Julie, joyfully announcing that Doug is alive and she knows exactly where he is. Hope: DUN DUN DUN! Commercials.
Bizarro Alice's House. Marlena says that she loves John with all her heart, misses him desperately, their love is eternal, etc. Roman agrees that he loves Kate. Doug turns to Alice and wonders if Marlena/Roman might not be rekindled, because clearly he is not paying attention to anything anyone is saying.
Penthouse of Woe. Belle has made minestrone for John. John is really on my good side today, for some reason. She tells him to blow on it first, and for some reason, he looks at her like she has three heads: "Shouldn't I be taking care of you?" Then, apropos of nothing, he starts talking about how Philip is better than Shawn. Eat your soup, John.
Love Cage. Crazy Jan asks Shawn to swear that he doesn't love Belle. Dude, that's not a very hard test. That's not even a pop quiz. Shawn hesitates, and she freaks. out. "That whiny self-important cuter-than-thou WHORE! BELLE! DIES!" Shawn insists that he's a man of action, not words, and so they should do the nasty. Crazy Jan is amenable to this suggestion. Then he begs her to unlock him so that they can take a shower. "Naughty boy!" cries Crazy Jan with glee. Yeah. Showers. So incredibly exotic.
Bed of Brady. Poor Julie starts babbling about Doug appearing at some cabaret, and Hope has to make her understand that she's talking in her sleep. On the phone. Yes. Julie weeps. She wants to go back to the dream. Well, why did you wake up and call Hope then, fool? Bo: Okay! Then Officer Hot calls to say that they may have picked up Shawn's trail. Commercials.
There's some commercial on SoapNet that starts up with a Days family tree, and then I passed out. I don't know.
The One Fancy Restaurant in Salem. Kate: Belle should not be with Shawn Shawn Shawn Shawn Shawn. Philip: EVEN MY MOTHER CAN'T TALK ABOUT ANYONE BUT SHAWN!
Penthouse of Woe. John bitters about Shawn and the Brady family.
Bed of Brady. Officer Hot has found the tire tracks of Shawn's bike, or the bike Bo lent him, rather. Bo tells him to do a door-to-door and look for that bike, which is rather flagrantly decorated with an American flag and an eagle and could not be missed.
Editing of Irony, Chez Crazy. The bike sits behind a low stone wall. Noises. Jan: "What the hell was that?"
Bed of Brady. Hope insists they will find Shawn. Their nachos comfort them.
Chez Crazy. Crazy Jan/Mrs. B opens the door to find Officer Hot outside, who is looking for Shawn Brady but did not see the bike behind the wall. A gagged Shawn freaks out in the Love Cage.
The One Fancy Restaurant in Salem. Philip graciously suggests that something might have actually happened to Shawn and he's not just Kerouacing without a care. Kate harps on Philip's unrequited love for Belle. Philip: Thanks, Mom.
Penthouse of Woe. John: "Baby girl, I'm just your old man..." And this apparently is the '50s. More tearful hugs.
Bizarro Alice's House. Marlena: "All the victims on this island... weren't really killed by the Salem Stalker." WINNAH! Marlena then posits that perhaps the real targets of the plot are the people left behind. Okay, that's the first sensible thing she's said all week.
Previews: Belle and Philip hug. Again. Marlena tells Roman that she really does still love him. Tearful Kate asks John not to hate her for what she's about to tell him. For some reason, SoapNet ran a graphic in the middle of the show that announced, "Tomorrow! Kate tells John about..." Well, maybe I shouldn't tell you. Point being is, I know. And it's something I'm surprised John doesn't know about, I'll put it that way.