TWENTY-FIVE FIFTY BOOYAH!
Let me spell it out: $2550.17 after ten percent off, no shipping charges: Dimension 8400 Series desktop, with an Intel Pentium 4 Processor 530 (3.0GHz. Not the fastest, but he said it would serve me just fine); 1GB DDR2 SDRAM at 400MHz (I don't know. 400Mhz good! FIRE BAAAD!); 17 in Digital Flat Panel Display with attachable speaker bar (awwwww YE-AH); 160GB Serial ATA Hard Drive (7200RPM. UNH! HURTS SO GOOD!); Microsoft Windows XP Professional; 48x CD-RW and 16X DVD+RW dual drives; Sonic RecordNow Plus and MyDVDDeluxe Software (whatever that is) for aforementioned Dual LayerDVD+RW Drives; Intel Pro 1000 Integrated PCI NIC Card (read: "Stuff I probably need"); portable USB Memory Key, 64MB, and a floppy drive anyway just in case; Sound Blaster Live! 24-bit ADVANCED HD Audio,100dB/Dolby Digital/96KHz/7.1 (I have no idea but it has an exclamation point! AND CAPITALS! so it must be GOOD!); 4 Year Limited Warranty; Express Tech Support (read: I get pushed to the front of the tech support line, bitches!), 4 Years. And I paid for it all myself, and only went $50 over budget. And that's only after I upgraded the printer/scanner/copier/missile launcher. (Did I tell you I got one? Because I DID.) And I got ten percent off on the whole schmoo. It ought to come in some time next week.
Translation: My ePenis is SO BIG right now. And you know what's most impressive about that? I'm a GIRL.
(I still love the Something Awful "ePenis" concept, by the way. The article's dated more than a year ago and I still love it: "Besides, there are a plethora of exciting and innovative topics you can base your own personal website on, including [but not limited to]: A daily journal detailing your favorite foods and math teachers [NOTE: webpage must be updated every 19 seconds or else you might lose readers who absolutely need to know what song you're currently playing in WinAmp].")
Also: Have converted Sister Girl to the Holy Church of Harry Potter. She despised the books and movies on principle, just because everyone loved them and made such a huge fuss about them. (She has dropped Orlando Bloom for the same reason, by the way--she was an early-adopter fan, coming in like six months before FOTR because I always had advance pictures and things, but now he's JUST TOO POPULAR OMG.) But she decided that if she was going to hate the series, she might as well see it first, and since I was watching the first one for the book anyway... And I felt her resistance crumbling and swooped in with a one-two Sorcerer's Stone-Chamber of Secrets punch. I believe the Oliver Wood kid is what sealed the deal for her, although she also likes Hermione, "because she's the girl." Also, she played with my wand. No, that is not a euphemism--I won a wand in a CHUD contest a few years back. It's a long story and involves poetry, but suffice it to say that it was a Warner Bros. promotional item and, except for "HARRY POTTER" machine-carved into the handle, is a perfect movie replica. And Sister Girl enjoyed it muchly, although she failed at casting spells on the dog. I'm sure she'll be writing smutty Oliver Wood/Moaning Myrtle fanfic by the end of the week. I believe my work here today is done.