Veronica's dad is the sheriff, or he was the sheriff but Veronica's best friend got murdered and Veronica's dad lost his job after he went after the friend's impossibly rich father and possibly the wrong man confessed and then Veronica's boyfriend/murdered friend's brother dumped her and all her rich-kid friends ditched her and then Veronica's mom ran out on them AND THEN Veronica got date/roofie-raped, AND THEN the new Sheriff Jackhole laughed at her for crying about it, and Mercutio's Kid is all like, "Damn, you win." Now she is Veronica Mars, Girl Detective, working for Enrico Colantoni, Washed-Out Sheriff Dad Detective. Weird.
Then, last week, there's a motorcycle gang leader named "Weevil" who is way cuter than anyone named "Weevil" has any right to be, and he and Veronica sort of have a vibe-despite-themselves going, and she decides she's going to get him off (heh heh) the hook for this credit-card fraud charge, and she thinks it's totally this rich kid dating Paris Hilton (no, for real. High-school Paris Hilton) who did it, except it turns out to totally be "Weevil's" cousin "Chardo," which--what? "Chardo"? Rhymes with "Lardo" and "Zimbardo"? Are you for real? Okay, whatever then. It turns out to totally be "Weevil's" cousin "Chardo" who is scamming off rich people's credit cards so that he can boff Paris Hilton on the side, proving for all eternity that 1) Paris Hilton really will sleep with anyone, and I mean anyone, and 2) ...really, Chardo? Damn.
Also, I didn't watch the first two shows when they originally aired, so I read the recaps, and the whole time I was imagining the Winona Ryder character from Heathers (read that caption. You can see it, can't you?) instead of some blonde girl, and if this really had been a show about Veronica from Heathers becoming a snarky girl detective/female Job, this would be the best show ever created. EVER.
(I did watch the rerun of the pilot on MTV this evening, so I am at least caught up with who's who now.)
So, tonight: WAIT A MINUTE, THIS IS LAST WEEK'S EPISODE. FIE ON THE STUPID VP DEBATE, I KNOW WHO I'M VOTING FOR!