I was a little distracted through the show, but I think I got the gist of it. The main plot line is Veronica trying to find Pipsqueak O'Chipmunk's dad "John Smith," even though Pipsqueak brags to his friend Nerdy McThickbrows that his dad's dead, so it's gonna take her a reeeeal long time to find him, and in the meantime he's going to suck up to Veronica and try to mack on her. Even though he's, like, thirteen. (Sidekick Wallace: "He made you a mix CD?" Veronica: "SHUT UP.") So Veronica starts up this ingenious plan to mail out scholarship whatever things and get the missing dad to respond. And this really pretty older woman with long, long hair keeps coming up to Pipsqueak at the video store where he works and trying to get Body Heat, which... seriously? Veronica Mars writers? Pick something less hot-n-sexy next time, okay? The kid's, like, eight. He's a fetus. Ew. I kept trying to figure out how this was going to work into the story line and I couldn't make it fit for the life of me. Oh, how blind was I.
Meanwhile, Duncan, Veronica's ex/brother of The Late Lilly, has decided to go cold turkey on the antidepressants he's taking to get over his sister's murder, which--take it from someone who knows: DON'T DO THAT. (Also: Hey, Rich Parents: How about we get the kid some therapy before we throw the pills at him?) He starts seeing life through a wonky green camera filter and ends up horsing around with his drunk jock friends on the bleachers one afternoon and jumps off and bashes his head open and seriously, that's Darwin in action right there.
So the character they introduced last week, the new kid played by Shawn "Hot Ice Guy in X2" Ashmore's twin brother--yeah. (No, I'm not kidding. Literally, Aaron Ashmore.) He and Veronica go out. He's all about Veronica. Veronica... keeps having hot sex dreams about Duncan. V, I'm begging you: THERE'S NOTHING BEHIND HIS EYES. Seriously. It's all dead up in there. The boy's a Ken doll. Treat yourself: Go for the Ashmore. But Veronica is clearly not listening to me, despite the fact that I am screaming at the TV, and the date fizzles. But he gives her his phone number and says that he's up for a booty call any time, which is a lot sweeter in context than it sounds here.
Veronica busts Pipsqueak after Wallace gets his files out of the school office. There's a subplot about the school counselor and Veronica's dad and let's just sum it up by saying that she is clearly the love interest if Missing Mom doesn't work out. Anyway. Pipsqueak's all like, "Oh, shit. Yeah. The dead thing. That." And then, right at that moment, a teacher/counselor/whatever brings a letter out to the Courtyard Caf of Coincidence for Pipsqueak. And it's from his dad. Who is totally not dead.
Let's cut back over to Duncan. Duncan's been hallucinating and he jumps off the bleachers and Veronica happens to be walking by with Aaron Ashmore when he falls and she runs off like Aaron Ashmore's just shit on her shoe or something and poor-babies Duncan to the hospital. Jake Kane, Dad of Evil, shows up and tells Veronica to go and then Duncan tells Dad of Evil to go and he talks to the doctor alone and he's like, "I wanna quit the meds." And the doctor's like, "Son, I really don't think you want to do that." And Duncan's like, "Yes I do." And it never occurs to either person in this conversation that they could just wean Duncan off slowly. I had to do it when I switched from one med to the other and really, y'all? It doesn't have to be that big a deal. So he blows the doctor off and keeps not taking his pills and then one afternoon he's watching TV and The Late Lilly comes in and sits down beside him. I am talking Two Weeks Dead, Massive Headwound Lilly here. And she's all like, "Bitch, please. You know they covered up what really happened to me. Why don't you stop this pity party and get off your ass and find out what's really going on?" And Duncan's all like, "I LOVE DRUGS!"
Back to Pipsqueak and Dad of the Un-Dead. He goes to apologize to Veronica and he's all freaked out that his dad is alive, and so they go through the process of wading through John Smiths in San Diego to get to three dad possibilities, and I'm kinda thinking it wouldn't be this easy in real life, but the show makes the process look smart enough that I'll give it a pass. And they go tail the dad, who seems to be some kind of minor criminal, and Pipsqueak doesn't really think it's him but the handwriting on the letter and on a grocery list they find is the same, so they pursue it and Veronica's like, "Aight, I'ma go bust a move in this guy's garage, you sit here." And so while she's sneaking around the guy busts her all like, "DON'T MOVE I'M CALLING THE POLICE!" and Veronica's like, "You won't do that, because I know what you do!," and he's like, "What? I'm a parole officer," and Veronica's like, "OH SHIT." And right then, the guy's girlfriend comes home, and it's the woman from the video store, and Pipsqueak leaps out of the car and runs up to her and goes, "DAD?" Yeah. DAD. Pipsqueak cries and calls him/her a circus freak and Veronica drags him outta there.
Naturally this ties into Veronica's whole MY Mom Is So Missing OMG thing and she tells Pipsqueak to forgive his dad for the, uh, not-dadliness and make it up because her mom is missing, too, and she'd give anything to know that her mom would drive ninety miles every week in drag to visit the video store her kid works at and order inappropriate movies. Or... something. And Veronica's found out where her mom lives and so she gets up the nerve to drive out to Arizona and talk to her and there's a very Veronica-looking blonde there who turns out to be a college friend of the mom's and she's like, "Oh, hon, I've heard so much about you! Unfortunately, your mom just blew this popsicle stand and didn't leave a forwarding address. Sor." And this makes Veronica very, very sad. So sad that she has a montage showing us how all the various characters are dealing with their subplots. And then she calls up Aaron Ashmore and he's like, "Where are you?" and she's like, "Uh, sitting out in front of your house," and he comes out and says, "It's about time," and holds her while she cries instead of expressing disappointment that this is not, in fact, what could properly be termed a booty call. And that is why he is awesome and she should totally go for him and get over Duncan the Druggy Drip. The End.