Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones

Tonight's Veronica Mars!

So this week, the main plot is that Wallace has it bad for some office aide who fell for the most obvious email scam ever. Like, imagine the Nigerian email scam, only with trust-fund kids. Except it’s not even a real trust-fund kid—Veronica pretends to take the bait as some airhead named “Amber” and some poindexter with horizontal bangs meets her and schmoozes that if she’ll give him $3000 this week to pay off his gambling debt, he’ll give her $6000 next week after he turns 21 and can get into his trust fund. And Veronica tails him after that and follows him to a… community theater? Yeah. Totally not a Richie Rich—just an actor playing one, which is why Office Girl was like, “Hey, it’s not the same guy I talked to. But he’s wearing the same clothes!” So the real scammers have been hiring a different actor for each scam and telling them that it’s for a show called Duped, sort of like Punk’d. (Is it just me, or has “Punk’d” always looked kinda… Elizabethan to y’all? Like, Shakespeare would be all like, “But if thou live, remember'd not to be, / Die punk’d, and thy dignity dies with thee.”) Veronica’s all like, “But there were no CAMERAS, genius,” and Actor Guy, who cleans up to be rilly, rilly hot and kinda has trace of a weird NY/NJ accent, is all like, “It’s a hidden-camera show! You’re not supposed to SEE them!” You know, even if you’re in on it. Heh.

Meanwhile, Veronica and Troy Vandertwin have an awesome date. I mean, I don’t know, because we don’t see it—I just know that they kiss on her doorstep for eight and a half minutes. And I know that because Not Sheriff Anymore Dad times them. Like, ew, dude. Wouldn’t you just go break them up after thirty seconds, rather than watch their silhouettes through the window or something? Ew.

Anyway. Troy lurrrrves Veronica. He wants to take her to the homecoming dance. I don’t know why, but I seriously fell in love with the guy at this point, because he’s just so cute and so into her. But this kicks off a metric assload of flashbacks to the time Veronica and Duncan (who were dating) and Logan and The Late Lilly (who were dating. Well, more like The Live Lilly, at this point) went to homecoming. Or prom. Or something. Or didn’t go, rather, because most of the flashbacks involve limo shenanigans like Truth or Dare and The Live Lilly ends up kissing Veronica on a dare and all the flashbacks are nice and silly and almost look a little improv. I should mention the game of I Never, in which we find out that both Veronica and Duncan are (were) virgins, and Veronica has never gone skinny-dipping. Maybe out in So Cal where it’s always warm and there’s lots of water this is a bigger deal or something, but… dude, I don’t know that many people who have done it, so… whatever. Anyway. The Live Lilly is rocking a red carpet-quality dress. Veronica is wearing something that looks a lot like Gwyneth Paltrow’s pink Oscar dress, only actually fitted and looking somewhat cute. The Live Lilly says she should wear red satin, but Long-Haired Baby Veronica gets all shocked and says she couldn’t. Remember that, too. Bottom line: Lilly is the Angelina Jolie of high school students.

A spinoff subplot: Logan is slightly less of an ass to Veronica after she watches him try to put together a video for the Lilly Kane Memorial Fountain dedication ceremony, and she brings him a digital video whatever labeled FUN WITH LILLY to break up the monotony of childhood talent shows and birthday parties.

Back to the A plot: Veronica tracks the scammers down to a videogame club and decides to infiltrate. So she goes dressed as, basically, Sailor Mercury. I’m talking Japanese schoolgirl sailor suit, black bob, everything. I’m not sure how this helps, but there you go. She’s looking for a guy who goes by Grrrrrant or Grrrrrantula or whatever, and smokes him out by getting in on a first-person shooter game and blowing up his character, which makes him stand up and freak out and she gets a good look at him. And then she scams his ID off the guy at the front, and tracks him down to the college, which leads to her hauling Wallace off in nerd drag to a college party to scope out Grrrrrant and his beefy pal, who together go by the charming nickname “The Silicon Mafia.” I do not have enough “whatever” currently in stock for these guys, but okay. Veronica tries to bust into their dorm room but it’s got more techno-security than… a thing that has… a lot of techno-security. (Look, I’m tired, y’all.) Grrrrrant and Beefy freak out on them but Veronica plays Dumb Drunk High School Chick and fakes an impending upchuck to get out of there, leading to the immortal line, spoken to Wallace, “I don’t feel so good, Papa Bear!”

Then there’s a bit of business involving Sheriff Dad (we’ll call him that so as not to hurt his feelings, you know) going in dressed as a DEA agent to shake down Grrrrrant and Beefy, with a dog and everything, but the real purpose of the visit is to bug their dorm room so that Veronica can eavesdrop, and eventually she gets their security code—BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP—and she plays with her cell phone until she gets the right tones. Rock.

Then Veronica loses track of time eavesdropping on them and forgets that Troy Vandertwin is coming to her house to meet her dad and take her out. So Troy and Sheriff Dad get a little quality time until she gets there, which leads to Troy cheerfully swearing up and down that they’ll go to the homecoming dance and only the homecoming dance, and Sheriff Dad being all like, “Oh, great! You totally won’t mind that I canceled your reservation at the Four Seasons, then.” OH SNAP.

So Sheriff Dad pretends to be with the admissions office and gets Grrrrrant and Beefy “free tickets to a party for a new game that you may have heard of… THE MATRIX ONLINE GAME?” But they have to take Wallace, still posing as a prospective student, but Grrrrrant totally doesn’t care because he’s already had, like, three nerdgasms just thinking about it. So Veronica busts in while they're gone and messes with their computers and I’m not really sure what she was doing, except that she busts into their safe and steals their backup drives and fucks the other drives up, because it turns out the guys have created a game “that will make Halo look like Asteroids,” and because they’ve funded it with their Nigerian Trust Fund Gambler scam and didn’t have to get actual investors, they stand to make a fortune if the game hits. (ETA: After some lurking on the TWOP threads, I think what may have happened was that she didn't get the safe open at all--she funneled some of Grrrrant's 3000 sodas into the safe, ruining the backup drives, and she stole the primary drives, which is why their computers were sitting around all gutted.)

Meanwhile, back at the game club for the Matrix Online party: There is no party. Wallace is all like, “Man! No party! I feel so DUPED!” Wah-wah-waaaaaaah.

The guys get back and see the damage and freak out. Veronica has left them a Nigerian Girl Detective Avenger note that basically says, “Meet me in the park if you want to see your game again.”

We get a final flashback to the kids stumbling home in the cold light of day, and—man, still in the limo. That must have cost half a fortune, right there. I’m sure they’re good for it, though. Anyway, The Live Lilly’s all like, “My parents called the cops!” No, they called Still Sheriff Dad. The two dads are sort of worried and disappointed, but Mama Kane is all like, “LILLY KANE, YOU STUPID HORBITCH SLUT, YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF ALL OUR PROBLEMS,” like—whoa, man. Even Lilly’s like, “Uh, hello, you have two kids and both of them stayed out all night.” So just to show her mom, she, like, makes out on Logan for a full minute in front of ALL THREE PARENTS and then flounces off, all while Logan is just standing there eyeing everyone else nervously, like, “Lilly, honey, could we not do this in front of your psycho mom? Thanks.”

Let’s wrap up the Silicon Mafia plot: Grrrrrant and Beefy bring money to pay back Wallace’s new office aide girlfriend, who lays a huge kiss on him in gratitude, and to pay off Veronica for her detecting services. Veronica leaves them to dig their drives out of a nearby trash can and mentions to Wallace and Office Girl that oh, gee, the FBI just happens to have a fraud unit that sounded kinda interested in the Silicon Mafia after she called them up. Vengeance, whee!

That night: The Late Lilly Kane Memorial Fountain. Because you know, let’s not put the money into a college scholarship. Let's put it into a waste of water that everyone can look at. The high school band is playing—is that “The Wind Beneath My Wings”?—slightly off-key. Heh. Mama Kane gives a speech about how The Late Lilly was the living embodiment of the school motto, “Service, Loyalty, Honor.” Which, I’m sorry, but—no, she totally wasn’t. Like, she was the opposite of that. And I kinda like her. I just hate when memorial services turn into nominations for sainthood, because you’re not remembering the real person at all at that point, you’re just making yourself feel good. No one is like that, y’all. Anyway—as if to prove my point, the video Logan edited together starts playing: Blah toddler Lilly talent show blah. And then the guitar kicks in: it’s FUN WITH LILLY! Lilly moons someone from the prom limo (Troy: “YEAH!” Nice one, ass) and chugs champagne. But the image of Lilly hanging out the moon roof (or the currently-not-mooning roof, if you will) with her hair blowing in the wind, while she smirks, “You love me, don’t you?” is a lot more honest, and in a way, it’s more touching. Her dad agrees with me, because he breaks down crying. And so does… Weevil. Awww.

I totally think the mom killed her.

Veronica and Troy Vandertwin double-date to homecoming with Wallace and Office Girl. Veronica wears red satin to honor Lilly, I guess. And then she tells everyone to stay in the limo so she can go out fifty feet to the beach and… go skinny-dipping. I’m not sure how she keeps Troy in the car at that point, but—hee. And it's a really nice cap to the episode.
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