We flash back to a swank evening garden party. I have no idea what's going on, except that everyone is rich and pretty and sipping champagne. Sun is rocking a slinky pink (I know, just trust me) dress. Jin is a waiter and he meets her in the gazebo and they kiss. He brings her a flower and says that one day he'll be able to bring her a diamond, but right now he's po'. (What's that old joke? "I'm so po', I can't even afford the last two letters"?) She doesn't want to elope but she doesn't think her father will accept Jin. He's all like, "Trust me. I will reason with him. TO THE DEATH."
Back to the beach. Suddenly Jin sees Mercutio walking with his kid on the beach and Jin just goes apeshit and leaps on Mercutio and tries to drown him in the surf. Mercutio's Kid is screaming and Sun is screaming and it's all very, very bad. Finally Sayid and Sawyer notice that something is going on and they race out to the water and Sayid takes Jin down with the most awesome flying-squirrel tackle ever. Sawyer drags Mercutio back to the beach. There is much yelling and "What did you do to [Jin]?" and "What did I do to HIM?" and Mercutio gets up in Sayid's face like, "Where you from, man?" and Sayid's like, "Tikrit. IRAQ." And Mercutio's like, "Oh, so then you DON'T know about Koreans HATING black people then?" I'm not being funny here (because God, that would not be funny)--he really brings this up. And Sayid's like, "Oh. No. Oops." So Sayid gets the marshal's handcuffs and cuffs Jin to the plane wreckage and decides to let him stew in the sun until somebody cracks and tells them what happened. This is an excellent plan, except for the fact that Mercutio has no earthly idea, Sun and Jin don't speak English, and... they have no key to the handcuffs. Not one I've seen, anyway.
I know this happens at some point, but again, don't have it in the notes, so I'll stick it here: We flash back to Sun and Jin meeting on a bridge and she has long hair pulled back with barrettes and she is soooo cute. And Jin has just been to talk to her father and he looks all whipped and she's upset and he does that thing where he's totally faking and it went fine and she beats on him for making her worry. How did he get her father to come around? He agreed to work for Sun's father, and they'll have all the money they need. This does not make Sun happy. In fact, the whole "Sun's father" thing is a big ol' morass of mystery in this episode, let me tell you what. Also: he has a diamond ring for her. She's all like, OMG you shouldn't have! NO, REALLY, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE. And they kiss and hug and she keeps staring over his shoulder at the ring on her finger and looks really disturbed.
Meanwhile: Jack and Kate and Charlie and Locke all hike up to the Spring of the Dead (the Dead Pool?) to refill the water bottles. It's a long hike and not very efficient timewise, but okay. Charlie wants to salvage shit from the plane, and Jack's all like, "Look for medications and drugs while you're at it," and Charlie's all like, "DRUGS! I LOVE DRUGS! I mean--wait." Then he wanders off to take a pinch of Smackfarthing, because apparently he did not use up the last of the Smackfarthing at Babymama's Memorial for the Dead, and then Locke's all like, "Don't move." Charlie is so obsessed with denying any wrongdoing that they have to banter a little before Locke gets the point across that Charlie is standing on a beehive. What does Charlie have a phobia of? Bees. Of course. So Locke and Jack and Kate, They of the Monosyllabic Names, are trying to throw a suitcase over the hive and get Charlie out of there and he finally just freaks. I don't know what his deal is, but he looks like he just breaks down and stomps on the hive. I think they're trying to make it look like he slips or tries to jump off, though. And then there are BEES EVERYWHERE and EVERYONE IS RUNNING OMGWTFBEES and trying to get back to the water and Jack starts ripping off his clothes, like, we need to step on some beehives more often, people, and then Kate starts tearing off hers too and let's make sure we get several eyefuls of Kate in her bra just to make sure people keep watching the show and then Kate finds A MOLDERING SKELETON and she's all like AHHHH YOU GOT YOUR DEATH IN MY T&A and the skeleton is like WAHHHH YOU GOT YOUR T&A IN MY FINAL RESTING PLACE and these are not two great tastes that go great together and we go to commercial.
Back from commercial. We are still in the Dead Pool caves. Jack says that, clearly, he can't autopsy the skeletons (there are two), but then he Scullys that there are no visible wounds to the bones (like, what if it was a flesh wound, fool?) and that it takes forty or fifty years for clothing to degrade to the point that it has. I wonder if he knows that because he saw some TV show where some doctor was like, "Well, you can tell the bodies have been here a long time because it takes forty or fifty years for clothing to degrade." And then he finds a pouch with two smooth stones, one white and one black. You know this will come up again.
Meanwhile, Charlie's whinging that nobody cares about Charlie and everyone's busy running around tearing off their clothes, thanks muchly, and he gives Kate back her shirt. Kate's all like, "Shut up. It was full of bees." And Charlie says, "I'd've thought Cs, actually." To which I have to say--1) Heeeee; and 2) On second thought, how many women have you ever been around, Charlie? Ain't no way Kate is sporting more than a B, and that's on a good day with a good bra. And more power to her. Anyway. And then Charlie notices the bodies also. I will give him credit, though--he has about 500 puffy wumps on his face, so I don't really blame him for being a little distracted. Jack notes that one of the bodies is--was--female, and Locke muses, "The island's own Adam and Eve." YOU! OUT OF MY MILTON CLASS!
The beach. Sun is dabbing at Jin's handcuffed wrist with another aloe stalk. We flashback to her coming home with Chanel shopping bags, so we can tell they're rich now, and I guess married, and a puppy is waiting for her in a giant gift box. (Put down the PETA stationery, y'all--the box has no top.) The puppy kinda looks sharpei-like. Awwww. Apparently Jin has been working super-long hours and thought she'd like to have a dog for company: "Of course, YOU'LL have to feed and train it." Sun is starting to get that sad, beaten-down look she has on the island. Her father calls, and Jin leaves to answer the phone.
Dead Pool. Jack and Kate sack up the newly bottled water. Locke is going to stay with Charlie to salvage the wreckage and "get to know him a little better." Jack's like, that's all you there, buddy. He also points out that carrying all that water back is stupid, and that the castaways should move to the caves. He seems to indicate that this plane wreckage is not part of their plane wreckage, although I thought the TWOP forum posters had settled that both wrecks had the same airline logo. So I don't know. Also: I would start to wonder about two major plane crashes on one island, Jack. Anyway, he's all like, "We need to bring the people to the water, not the water to the people! I think we can live here." He is so in love with these caves, y'all.
Beach. Jin and Walt--that's Mercutio's Kid. Why he has an old man's name, I don't know--stare at each other. Mercutio shoos Walt away and Jin and Mercutio sort of snap at each other, because hate knows no language barrier. And then Walt's like, "Dad? What was that about his people hating our people?" And Mercutio says, "Awwww, man!" As a father, he realizes that he screwed up on that one. "I didn't mean that. I'm not like that, man." Walt then wants to know what Mercutio did to make Jin so mad. Mercutio's all like, "What kind of man do you think I am? What'd your mother say about me?" And Walt's like, "... Nothing, really." Aww. They start arguing about who knows more about the other, and it turns out that Mercutio knows Walt's birthday (which you sort of think he might not), but Walt totally doesn't know his father's birthday. Not that I would think he would, what with Mercutio never being there, but Mercutio has proven his point. Meanwhile, Jin is fussing at Sun that he will not explain what happened, particularly not to "a thief." Now, you might start wondering here how they think they're going to explain anything anyway. In fact, after you see this episode, you might still wonder how Jin thinks they would have done that.
Another flashback. We know time has passed because the dog is grown up. Sadly, it is not a sharpei. Jin runs past Sun into the apartment covered in blood. She follows him into the bathroom, where he's washing blood off his arm, and he won't tell her where he was or what he was doing, except "working for your father." "What do you do for my father?" demands Sun, and when he won't answer, she pimp-slaps him. OHHHH. You know, I kinda thought he was going hit her. Given what Sun is like on the island, that's kind of awesome. Jin grits, "I do whatever your father tells me. I do it for us." Sun creeps away sadly.
Commercials for Good Morning America. Mel Gibson has something he really wants to tell you. I'm still voting for Kerry, Mel.
Jungle. Jack and Kate hike back with shitloads of water in their backpacks, and they're tired. Kate leans over to tie her shoe or something and Jack's behind her just sort of staring into space and she turns around and says, "You checkin' me out?" "What?" Kate repeats the question. "Trust me," says Jack, "if I were checking you out, you'd know it." How you doin'? Kate flirtily demands to know what he's really thinking, as she clearly doesn't believe him. Jack: "I was thinking... that if we were living in the caves..." And Kate just stops listening to him right there. She looks really disappointed, actually. Jack says something about "we" have to round people up and she says, laughing, "We? You still haven't convinced me yet." The subtext of this sentence: "But I can easily be bribed with lots and lots of jungle sex. Your call."
Dead Pool. Charlie's being all shifty, trying to get away by himself to go snort the Smackfarthing, or chaw it, or something. Locke is totally on to him, because, as you will recall, Locke is a magical miracle man. "Is there something you want to tell me, Charlie?" And Charlie's all like, "I'm going to the l...oo." I don't know why he hesitates there, like that sentence could have ended any other way. Like, "I'm going to the l...ovely embrace of heroin, my friend." Locke gets his creepy on and intones, "I know who you are and what you're looking for." Charlie looks really freaked out. "Driveshaft!" says Locke. "You play bass!" "And guitar!" cries Charlie. Charlie is in love. Locke has both the band's albums and talks about which one he likes more and how sad the current state of the band is and Charlie just sits on the ground and stares at him raptly. He tells Locke that it's been eight days and eleven hours (awww) since he's last played his guitar, and Locke assures Charlie that he will see it again, in this tone that suggests he is telekinetically finding it in the rubble and gluing it back together as we speak. Don't think he can't do it.
Beach camp. Sayid is chopping wood and dying of thirst, yada yada. (So stop chopping, silly.) Kate and Jack return with the water and while he inhales, like, half the supply Sayid tells them that he wants Jin to sit in the sun a little longer And Think About What He's Done, and then he's going to take Sun aside and [meaningful pause] ... find a way to communicate. Yeah. That line supplies its own bom-chicka-wa, thank you very much. Jack tells Sayid about the caves, and Sayid is all like, "You're serious? Is there a reason you didn't consult us?" Sayid and Jack clearly are on different sides of the beach/cave argument, and this makes me sad. Sayid grumbles, "I'm not going to admit defeat." Ohhhhh, no. That's not a good way of looking at it, hon.
Mercutio's Kid and Vincent the Yellow Doomrador frolic on the beach. Oh, to be young and/or canine again. Sayid apologizes to Mercutio, who immediately grasps that Sayid's really after something else, and he is: where does Mercutio stand on the the great beach/cave debate? Mercutio stands on the beach. Literally and figuratively. He says that his first priority is to get his kid off this godforsaken island and back to civilization. Which is sweet, but--noooo! I don't want to see people splitting up! Even though everyone staying together would be boring TV! And I'm all out of cheeeeeese for my whiiiiiiine!
Hurley sidles up to Jack and asks, "What up with you and Kate?" Jack: "Am I in high school?" Heh. Hurley: "Well, that's not answering the question." Jack just rambles on about the caves. I think Jack needs to examine his cave fixation from a Freudian standpoint. And then get laid.
Sawyer calls Kate "the belle of the ball" and jackholes that "both the doctor and Captain Falafel are fighting over you, Freckles." I am desperately waiting for the other castaways to think of some nickname for Sawyer that he absolutely hates. (He can keep calling Snicker Bitch "Sticks" all he wants, though. P.S. Boone, Snicker Bitch, and Babymama of the Apocalypse are effectively not in this episode.) Sawyer sees the paradox pretty clearly: stay on the beach and get eaten, or hide out in the jungle and not get rescued. I'll give him this, the Jackhole is smart. Sawyer wants to know where Kate will go and she wants to know where he will go and they're doing the whole "No, I asked first, because I'm going to follow you to the lunch table" thing. And I think she's kinda diggin' on him.
Jungle. Sun follows Mercutio into a bamboo thicket all stalkatively and watches him chop wood or bamboo or some shit.
Flashback. Sun and Jin are having their apartment redecorated, and the decorator's like, "Money is no object? Ooo." Sun's dad is so in the Korean mafia, isn't he? Jin's like, "Woman, shut up so I can talk on the phone." So Sun and the (female) decorator slip into the bedroom and conspire. "Have you been taking your lessons?" the decorator asks. Sun is going to run away? She says she and Jin can't reconcile, because he's violent. Which is interesting, because--all bloodstains aside--the only person we've seen be violent is... Sun. We don't know what they're having problems about, either, beyond the whole pimpslapping and shady employment situation. (Oh, that.) The decorator tells her that Jin and her father will do everything they can to find her, but if she wants to try it, she can walk out of the airport at eleven fifteen, bring nothing, and a car will be waiting. For the first week her family will assume she was kidnapped (they will?). But then, if she waits until they think she's dead (and how long will that be?), she'll be free to move wherever she wants. The decorator makes her repeat "eleven fifteen" (in Korean) over and over again.
"Eleven fifteen" is still repeating when she gets up the nerve to approach Mercutio, who's all like, "Awwww, great, you again." And then Sun says, in hesitant but flawless English, "I need to talk to you."
There is a commercial for The Grudge and I cry.
We come back from commercial and Mercutio is freaking out: "You speak English? YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?" But Jin doesn't know she can speak English. Ohhhhhh. She explains to Mercutio that the whole thing started because Mercutio found a gold Rolex on the beach that actually belongs to Sun's father, and "protecting the watch" is a big deal for "Jin's honor" or something. What is this, Pulp Fiction? And in case you're wondering? We don't hear a single damn thing about what's up with the watch again this episode. I have no idea why Jin has it, why it has to be protected, and what it has to do with honor. All I know is, if a mafia guy wants his watch, you damn well hold onto that watch for him.
Dead Pool. Charlie keeps insisting, in a strung-out kinda way, that he needs some privacy. Locke cuts to the chase and asks him to hand over the Smackfarthing--hand it over now while he still has some, so he can choose to give it up. Charlie's all freaked out: "Don't talk to me like you know about me." Well, Chas, I'm pretty sure he does know about you, given that he's been right about everything else so far. Locke agrees with me and says that he knows more than Charlie thinks. "Do you want your guitar?" Dude, is Locke a frickin' genie? "What I know is that the island might give you what you're looking for, but you have to give the island something." Whee! Virgin
Beach. Jack sits down on the beach with Kate, as he is so wont to do at this point in any given episode of the show. It's time to hike up to the Spring of Death. "I don't wanna be Eve," she says. Jack's all like, "You don't have to be." I... don't really know what they're getting at here. Are they actually talking about being a couple or something? Because it seems way soon for that conversation, and yet... I don't get the feeling they're talking about anything else. Anyway, Kate says she can't "dig in," that is, settle down to living on the island, and looks sort of beaten down. You get the feeling that she's staying on the beach as some kind of penance. "Kate, how did you get to be this way?" asks Jack. "What did you do?" Once again, Kate points out that Jack had his chance to find out and YOU BLEW IT, JACK. GAH.
Mercutio half-storms, half-limps over to Jin, still handcuffed to the plane, and says that he's going to say his piece because
Sun flashback: Sydney airport. We hear Jack freaking out over his dad's coffin in the background. Nice. Now, I have to point something out here: the problem with these back story flashbacks is that they are so vague and spotty. Maybe this is on purpose, and maybe it actually adds some intrigue. All I know is, I can't figure out why Sun and Jin are in Sydney in the first place, and how the decorator knew it, and could have a car waiting outside for Sun, and it's driving me nuts. It's not that I can't figure it out in the sense that it's implausible; I can't figure it out because so much of the back story is just a blank gap. Damn you, J.J. Abrams! Damn youuuuu!
Anyway. Sydney airport. Sun is having a major moment of existential angst. She walks towards the door, looking at the car waiting at the curb, then looking back at Jin, who is totally oblivious. I have to tell you here, since you won't get this from just those two sentences, that this goes on for about thirty minutes. Two perfect tears roll down her face, and then Jin sees her from across the room. Run, Sun! Run! He waves a little flower corsage at her, and you know she's done for. She walks back to him with this awful smile on her face, like, Well played, violent husband. Well played. He finally notices that she's crying and asks if something's wrong, and she says, "It's too beautiful." And he totally buys this. Sun cries silently in line. We cut to commercial on her standing there on the island.
Commercial for The Bachelor. How much does it suck this season? TWOP canceled the recaps, that's how much. Oh. No. Now I will never find out who ends up with zzzzzzzzzz.
Dead Pool. Yay! Charlie playing the guitar! (And if you like Charlie, you may dig this Driveshaft fansite. No, I'm serious. It's a good thing Dominic Monaghan has actually played with a few bands, I'll just put it that way.) Jack arrives with his merry band of castaways bitching about the hike: Sun and Jin, Hurley, and... some extras we don't know. Woe. Hurley settles in with his Discman, and I am just waiting for the moment the batteries conk out, which, from personal experience, should have been about six days ago. And--ah, it's a montage. I don't recognize the song, but it's country and sounds like it ought to be well-known, and the lyrics are like, "Are you sure this is where you want to be? Are you sure he loves you as much as me?" And then an anvil falls out of the sky with KATE + JACK 4EVAR painted on it and crushes one of the extras. Fortunately, it's just an extra, so we don't care.
Beach: the place to be. Sawyer, Kate, Sayid, Boone, Snicker Bitch, Mercutio and his kid are all gathered around a bonfire. "Dad, can I ask you something?" says Walt. "When's your birthday?" Awww. Judging by Mercutio's answer, I'm going to say it's on the 14th of Noogie. Sawyer jackholes soulfully. Kate's eyes glisten. The sad song about being in the wrong place and with the wrong people goes on FOREVER. Jack and Kate are juxtaposed over each other (far away, yet so close omg!) in half-transparency like a bad LJ icon
Previews: Charlie: "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." Sayid: "I have a plan to get us off the island." Or maybe he said something about getting the signal. He definitely said, "I have a plan to..." Then someone whacks him upside the head with a stick of wood. At least it wasn't in the face. Charlie starts arguing with Locke: "GIMME. MY. BLOODY DRUGS. BACK." Charlie, don't play around with the creepy scar man, please. Meanwhile, there's some sort of avalanche in the cave and Charlie and Jack are involved and Charlie's running around with a hoodie on looking either scared or guilty and Jack doesn't come out and Kate's all like, "IS HE ALIVE?!?" Oh, man--assuming Jack gets out of this alive, there's going to be some make-up sex like you've never seen, people.