Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones
cleolinda

I am so high on Halloween candy right now

You know... one of the flaws in the Ted the Caver story is the author's mention of "cave myths" and "the hodag." Now, I'm pretty up on my international folklore and mythology, but I didn't even remember having heard of this one in the mistiest of misty pasts. So who's my daddy? Wikipedia, of course. And I gotta tell you... the cave story loses major creepy points with me for invoking the hodag. Because not only is a fictional monster (because, really, the skeptics among you could argue that most if not all monsters are fictional), it's also a hoax, and it's not just a hoax, it's a nineteenth-century Wisconsin hoax. Not to mention that it looks like a bad day at Old Man Harryhausen's farm. And let's not even get started on the name "hodag." Actually, let's, because that's my favorite part. I'm reading this Wikipedia entry and Stereotypically Urban Cleo pops into my head--let's call her C. Jo--is all like, "Daaaamn, girl, what's that shit? That shit is wack." (Not only is C. to Tha J. O. stereotypical, she's also incredibly passé.) "That," I say, "is the hodag." "You just call me a ho, bitch?" says Cizzle to the J. Izzle. "IMA CUTCHOO." Fortunately, I have a taser, so I win. (It's a little game we play sometimes, Rock-Taser-Switchblades. Try it, it's fun.) "Look, I'm not talking about you," I say, while the last of the electricity frizzles out of C. Jo's hair. "I'm talkin' 'bout that cracked-up bitch-ass spiny triceradog." "Aw... yeah..." says C. Jo. She's still twitching a little. "What the fuck... is that, anyway? It's like a pitbull... fucked a sewer alligator. Dag, yo."

Exactly, C. Jo. Exactly.

I particularly like the varieties of hodag, which include the black hodag, the cave hodag, and the Dodge Sidehill Hodag, the sport-utility all-terrain vehicle from the auto manufacturer you've come to know and trust, a status symbol for many ("I DRIVE A DODGE HODAG!"). "Grab life by the horns" indeed.

Tags: best of
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