So, I watched most of the show from my
fainting couch bed, in the dark, because I'd fallen asleep about 6:30. I woke up a couple of minutes late, and I wasn't at the computer taking notes, and I feel pitiful, so we're back to the shorter "Here's what I remember"-style recaps:
So, the A plot this week basically has two parts, and it's about the school elections. At Neptune High they have this "Pirate Points" thing where you earn points through, like, varsity sports activities like football or cheerleading or whatever, and you can spend them on shit like having takeout delivered for lunch. I kinda missed this part, but I think this girl Wanda tries to order in lunch but she's not on the squad anymore, and she actually looks/dresses a little like Felicity's old roommate Meghan now, if that gives you any idea. So she gets busted and her Chinese taken away and she's all like "ATTICA! ATTICA!" and decides to run for class president and get rid of Pirate Points, an idea which you can just imagine the varsity kids love. So Logan signs Duncan up to run without Duncan knowing, and he even makes a little "Vote for Duncan Kane!" video with an endorsement by... Logan's dad. Who's apparently a big movie star. (To be fair, this was established in the first episode. We just didn't get to see him until now. Also: Logan's dad is Harry Hamlin.) Duncan gives Logan the stink eye but the "09er" kids, as the richies are called, are more than happy to vote for him and their precious points.
So. Part the first: Duncan magically wins, and Veronica goes to investigate, and there's this snippy menopausal blonde teacher who's all like YOU WILL STOP LOOKING INTO THIS IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU, so Veronica goes and gets Sydney Tamiia Porter, who just smiles and twinkles at the woman, and they have this standoff, and Mrs. Menopause can't think of any other way to thwart Veronica, so she and Wallace and Wanda get hold of the ballots and go run them through the scantron again. And Duncan still wins. And they're like, "The hell?" Until Veronica finds this one ballot that's a vote for Duncan but has WANDA RULEZ!!! penned on the bottom, and Veronica does some dodgy looking-up-of-student numbers (and--hey! why does she have Wallace's memorized?), and finds out that the kid had art class first period, which is when everyone voted, and she goes into the empty art classroom and finds out that Duncan and Wanda's names are switched in the list on the board. So what happened was that this school, which is apparently too cheap to actually print out a candidate list for each student the way my school did, had each teacher write the list on the board. Candidate list print-outs that went to 09er first periods got "A) Duncan Kane" and "B) Wanda Whatever." Plebeian classes like art and shop and whatever got "A) Wanda Whatever" and "B) Duncan Kane." So effectively everyone voted "A" and Duncan won. And who was the teacher's aide who ran off the copies? The bitchiwitch cheerleader who took away Wanda's takeout in the first five minutes that I kinda missed. Or something.
Part the second: Now there's going to be a run-off between Duncan and Wanda, but Veronica comes to school and there's "NARC" sprayed all over Wanda's posters and lockers and car (!). Which is... kind of an interesting accusation, since there was... no narcing going on. And it was mostly Veronica who instigated the recount. Veronica? You might want to pay attention to this. But no, she and Wanda hang out at her house making new posters and fondly remembering their time on the pep squad before Veronica's best friend was murdered and her mom ran away and all the kids kicked her to the curb and Wanda... started dressing goth, I guess. Oh, and I should mention that back at school that day, Veronica ran into Weevil (hey, it's Weevil! Holla!) and offered a Wanda bumper sticker to him and he turned it down, saying, "Wanda hooked up with [some guy whose relationship to Weevizzle I totally didn't catch] and the next day, the cops busted him for having most of the Neptune street signs on his bedroom wall. Coincidence? I THINK NOT." So maybe there's something to that narc shit after all. So Veronica's like, "Hey Wanda, whether you win or lose, let's go to this rave out in the desert. I have an E hookup, it'll be righteous." And I've heard of these desert raves, but... how does that work? I mean... where do you put the flashy lights? It's the desert. So of course the next day Veronica has her locker searched and it turns out that Wanda turned her in and she was busted for drugs and that's why she got kicked off the squad and she's been having to rat people out to keep it from going on her record so she can get into a good school. Wanda sucks, the end.
Oh: While they're having their little electoral sleepover, Wanda asks Veronica if The Late Lilly ever hooked up with Weevil, because she heard things. This is clearly a follow-up on the Weevil Crying at The Late Lilly's Memorial Service bit that raised so many eyebrows a couple of weeks back. Veronica is shocked and denies it. Which probably means that Lilly really did hook up with Weevil. I don't know.
Meanwhile, The Late Lilly has started haunting Veronica's dreams because the guy who was convicted of her murder has dismissed his public defender because, as Veronica's dad says, "He's ready to die," and the whole thing has smacked of someone being paid to take the fall since the first episode. And there's a big shot on the news of Sheriff Jackass holding up Lilly's backpack and shoes that were found at the guy's apartment or whatever and that's their proof he did it. And so The Late Lilly's all like, "I can't really tell you who did it, but... come on, man! How could he kill me? I was awesome!" And Veronica's like, "I love you, man, but I have got to get this case solved if you're gonna hang around like this," and Duncan's like, Dude, you have no idea. So she goes trawling through her dad's safe again and finds a file she's never seen before and realizes that her dad is still on the case as well, even though it lost him his job and everything. And in the new file is a picture of The Late Lilly's bedroom. And guess what's still in the bedroom? The shoes. (They're like white Keds, and Veronica drew a heart on one with Duncan's name inside it, and you will recall that Duncan is Lilly's brother, so The Live Lilly was like, "Ew." So Veronica remembers these shoes.) And then Veronica comes home one night and her dad's changed the safe combo and she confronts him all like, "We must stop living this lie! I know you're still investigating and you know I've been in the safe! You have to see this!" So she shows him a tape of that news report with Sheriff Jackass and the shoes and then she shows him the photo and Dad is all like DUN DUN DUN!
That's the B plot. The C plot is that Logan is off running his own version of Bumfights, like--WTF? And then The Smoking Gun gets hold of one of his tapes. I'm serious, TSG is actually name-checked in the show. And Logan's all like OH SHIT, and his movie star dad is maaaaaaaaaad because every entertainment show in the land is calling him for a reaction quote, and he makes Logan go to a soup kitchen for a penitential photo-op, and seriously, it's hilarious the way Harry Hamlin pulls Logan over in front of like twenty reporters in this homeless shelter while all these homeless people watch with this sort of blasé "Hey, can I get another biscuit over here?" look on their faces. And Logan's really embarrassed and kinda scared of his dad, I think (well, I know now, but at the time you just suspect), but he pipes up that he's just so proud of his dad that he can't hold it in: Harry Hamlin said in the car that he'd donate half a million to the food bank! ISN'T THAT AWESOME? The reporters and the homeless people cheer. And I don't even know how to describe the look on Logan's father's face. It's like... death on ice. So the next thing you see is this weird shot of Logan in a closet carefully picking out a belt like... I don't know, he's going somewhere? And he needs just the right belt? And then he takes it through the big shadowy mansion to his dad, who's waiting for him, and as he closes the door you see Logan taking off his pants, and you're like OHHHHHHH, and as you hear the creepy whipping sounds the camera pans over to Lisa Rinna, Harry Hamlin's real wife, drinking a cocktail in full earshot and looking completely dead inside. For real, y'all. Makes. Your blood. Run cold.
Oh, and Duncan wins the election anyway. And then he gets up to give his acceptance speech and he promises to keep Pirate Points. In fact--Pirate Points for plebes and 09ers alike! Let there be Pirate Points for everyone! Whee!
Next week: Veronica's neighbor disappears and her dad tells her not to get involved so of course she does and it gets ugly. Like, "loaded rifles" ugly. Man, I love Enrico Colantoni, but I am not betting on him in a gunfight. Yow.
Veronica Mars 1:6, "Return of the Kane"
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