Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones

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So: I was having such a hard time figuring out how to text on my new phone (shut up! I can't figure out where to take off the auto-complete word function, and I tried to type "Raaaa!" and it came up "DFeed!" Life is too short for this shit, y'all) that the Squishy sent me an invitation to join a free email/text service--I'm still filling out the profile, but it sounds like you can write an email and the other person gets it as a text message, which is SO WHAT I NEED. (By the way, I'm not giving the name of the service or my username out, but just so you know, my ID is NOT "cleolinda." That was already taken by some hor. So please do not start pestering messaging people named "cleolinda," because it's not me, and whoever it is'll be like, "Dude, I'm not her," and you'll be all like, "Yeah, right." No, seriously, it's not me. I had to choose something else. Fortunately, they give you up to 15 character spaces, so... I'll shut up now.)

Anyway. I'm filling out the profile page because... I'm bored. Look, I have no idea why, if I don't really intend for strangers to message me. Unfortunately, it also has some dating service you can sign up for, and so a lot of the info it wants is sort of... inappropriate. I mean, "Turn Ons"?

Body Piercing(s)
Long Hair
Public Affection
Skinny Dipping
Seeking Wealth

I do not see a space for "Strangers Who Do Not Cold-Call Me."

(Also, I wish there was a place to comment on the personality descriptors I chose. "I chose 'funny' and 'witty' because I think humor is a big part of my personality, if only because I like to laugh a lot, and... really, I'm not one of those people who thinks s/he's so funny and then totally isn't. No, really, I promise. Yes, I know that if I were one of those people, I wouldn't be aware of it. I wish I hadn't checked them off at all now. I hate myself.")

And then there are the random essay questions (!):

If I could be anywhere right now, I would be...
In my bedroom, you will find...
My most favorite erotic position is...

The best/worst lie I've ever told...
The celebrity I resemble most is...
What I find sexy...

My most humbling moment was...
A song/album that puts me in the mood...
The craziest place I've ever made whoopie...

The last great book I read...
5 items I cannot live without...
My favorite on-screen sex scene...

You know what I find incredibly sexy? Strangers who don't ask me weird and inappropriate questions. Thanks, but I don't think I'll answer these for any random skeeze cruising text-message profile pages for dates to read. Also: If you're calling it "whoopie," you will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes. Don't think I won't remember.

(Jesus. Can you imagine the text messages women foolish enough to answer these questions must be getting?)

Okay, now it's even scarier: I just got an account confirmation email that reads, in part, "You are now 5 seconds away from 1 billion people! GO [TEXT] SOMEONE NOW!" Maybe this is the perspective of someone who has a large LJ friends list (cough), but the idea that I'm only five seconds away from one billion people is sort of terrifying. Seriously, I know I'm way behind on the text-messaging phenomenon. Has anyone had any weird experiences with this, or is it mostly okay?
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