November 29th, 2007

msauvage purple

Thursday night, a little headachy

Today was better. Although... I have decided, and it kills me to say this, to let go of the birthday deadline. It had gotten to the point where I was going off on nervous crying jags, and I finally just said to myself, there's no reason to sit here and make myself crazy over an artificial deadline if the amount of work, the scope of it, just can't be finished by December 14. I hate the idea that I won't be able to say, "I'm now twenty-nine and I've finished this book," or even go to my friends' Christmas party and say, "Yes, I finished it." But at the same time, I don't really want to say, "I'm now twenty-nine and I'm having a complete nervous breakdown for no damn reason at all," either. And I had asked for a ton of researchative books for Christmas and my birthday--I usually spend the second half of December in an orgy of reading--which, obviously, I won't be able to read or even get until after my arbitrary deadline. So... that's kind of pointless. And the book is really looking like it could go up to something like 350-400 pages now, depending on what stays in, and... I just finally got a point where it was like, why set myself up to fail? I'm disappointed that it won't be done, but there's no point in ruining the thing in a mad effort to be done with it. Enjoy it, you know?

So. That's where that stands. I got about 2000-2500 words today (I wasn't really keeping track), and I'm just going to try to keep up the same level of productivity as before, just... with a smaller amount of artificial life-and-death stress.

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