February 22nd, 2009

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FYI

Once again, I am having trouble with my internet connection. If I don't show up for the Oscar live-blogging, show up late, or disappear in the middle of it, that will be why. And I'm telling you now because... obviously, I will have no way of telling you when it happens.

Now, ABC's schedule for tonight (all times Central Standard), as far as I can tell, is the Barbara Walters Special at 6 pm ("Academy Award nominees Anne Hathaway and Mickey Rourke, 2009 Academy Awards host Hugh Jackman and the Jonas Brothers are the guests on Barbara Walters 28th annual Oscar-night interview show"), the red carpet at 7 pm (is Tim Gunn hosting this? He's involved somewhere in some capacity?), and the show itself at 7:30. No one has any idea how long the show will run, although it has optimistically been scheduled to end at 10 pm and will probably end before 10:30, given how hellbent the producers are to cut time.

(I'm sure there will be red carpet shenanigans on E! for hours before anyone even shows up, but quite frankly, my mother and my aunt are having a belated birthday lunch today, and also, I'm probably going to end up liveblogging for at least four hours straight, so I really don't care. You can watch Seacrest desperately try to sneak up on Brangelina, but I'm good, thanks.)

(Oscar show secrets! The stage is gonna look like a nightclub! The awards will be presented "as a narrative" [wha?]! "And at least some of the presenters who'd been lined up have backed out, emboldened by the anonymity they were afforded by the producers." O SNAP.)

Meanwhile, as a follow-up to last night's cosmetic musings, I discovered that the pictures on the actual Urban Decay site are a lot closer to the eyeshadow as it appeared in the store samples. I really want to try Asphyxia, X, Shotgun, Kiss, Shattered and Edward Stalker now.

Oh, and I got an email to the effect that the Twilight Tonners are available to ship. I don't have $250 to blow right now, though (and if I didn't get the Bella, you know we'd never hear the end of it), so Serafina Pekkadoll's going to be my priority because SERAFINA OMG, and if the Twilights sell out or fall into the clutches of the asshat resellers, of which I am one, well, that's the way the vampire sparkles. Or something.

ETA, 7:08 pm: Okay, I'm not going to hit post until the ABC red carpet's over, but I am here and getting down to business.


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Oscars, part 1

So apparently they're going to do all kinds of crazy new things at the Oscars this year in a desperate attempt to reel in new viewers, etc., etc. (I'm watching Hugh Jackman on Barbara Walters right now, as a matter of fact, and he just said, somewhat... ominously, "The Oscars could use a little more... SHOW... and a little less biz.") Well, here at Cleolinda Industries, we too are gonna do things a little differently this year. The normal setup, for those of you joining us for the first time, is that I sit at my desk and liveblog while the TV is to my right and somewhat behind me. Yes, it is exactly as inconvenient, uncomfortable, and counterproductive as you might imagine, and even a relatively short show like the SAG Awards gives me a nastybitch crick in the neck. Also, I tend to miss key moments while I'm whipping my head back and forth.

Well, this year, it's the All-Singing, All-Dancing, All-Trainwreck Oscars. I'm not gonna miss this. So it took me an hour to untangle the cords, move the monitor, and curse it out thoroughly, but here I am: it's on a kitchen stool in front of me, the TV about a foot in front of that and to the right, and I'm typing on a rickety TV tray table OH MY SWEET GOD HUGH JACKMAN IS GIVING BARBARA WALTERS A LAP DANCE RIGHT NOW I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING BUT I AM KIND OF RECONSIDERING THIS WHOLE NOT-MISSING-ANYTHING IDEA

(Trufax: Given the various expletives I hurled, apparently my monitor is both male and female. Who knew?)

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Oscars, part 8

Jackman announces that we have survived production, and now we move on to post-production: "The cool stuff!" Well, that's a nice way of putting it--usually these are the awards that bore viewers stiff, but ironically, it's the part of the movie they like the best. So... here's a generic Movies of 2009 action montage. Wow, there are a lot of clips from Wanted. Not that I'm complaining.

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Oscars, part 10

And now, Hugh Jackman actually tells us who was performing! That was, in fact, John Legend, and Fatima Robinson did the choreography! I am assuming M.I.A. was therefore not there! Would have been nice to know at the time! And here's Liam Neeson and Freida Pinto with Best Foreign Film! "Bon soir, tout le monde!" says Liam Neeson with a wink. Simmer down there, Aslan.

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