April 4th, 2009

msauvage purple

(no subject)

Okay, you guys, we gotta have a talk. I was trying not to say this (and I can't think of a better way to say it without coming off like a complete bitch, so let me apologize for that in advance), but I can't blame y'all for doing something if I haven't said that I don't want you to. If you want (or don't want) something, you have to put it out there because people can't read your mind, is what I'm saying. So:

I love you guys. You know that.

I started writing about the dolls the way I start writing about most things here, which is on a whim, because I felt loopy, for fun, for the hell of it. It became something a bit more involved, but something I still enjoyed doing on a more complex level.

I'm starting to get a bit stressed about it.

Guys, I know that suggestions and offers of additional dolls are fundamentally acts of generosity. I know how you intend it. But I have got to be able to write this the way I want. I can't just shoehorn in other characters or other fandoms because you want me to. (And I have heard from a lot of very generous people who want a lot of different characters added.) Put it this way: I honestly cannot think of another writing situation, fanfic or otherwise, where people could buy characters to put into the story.

And if you decide this or that character would be a great addition to the story and you buy a doll of it and find a way to send it to me, I'm telling you, I will not be able to use it. I will feel like an ungrateful bitch--I will feel like shit --but I will not be able to use it. (If my mother knew I was saying this right now, she would come up here and beat me upside the head, I tell you what.) I would rather stop writing the thing entirely than sit there sweating bullets trying to figure out how to up-end a story I've planned out, that I'm writing for fun, to wedge in that character, which I will likely have to sit down and research if I'm not familiar with it or the fandom. As much as I love you guys, and as much as I know that this is coming from a place of love with y'all, when it starts inducing anxiety and stops being fun for me, the whole thing stops.

(Oh my God, did I just threaten a classic fanfic writer flounce? Oh my God.)

There's a couple of other things to keep in mind--due to some readers who have already been very generous (in addition to gifts from my family at the holidays), my doll/figure collection is twice as big as when I started writing about it in earnest eight months or so ago. I'm having a hard time keeping everyone on stage as it is; there are dolls I want but haven't bought for myself because I don't know what to do with them in the story. I'm already holding one or more dolls/figures (*cough*) back until a more opportune time to introduce them. So there are dolls you don't even know I have at this point, which is another reason not to get crazy with the random acts of kindness.

You guys are so, so generous, but really, I need y'all to just sit back and enjoy the show at this point, if you even still want to after this.


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