July 21st, 2009



Oh, you guys, this is so bad. I guess this is the flip side of being Grumpy Bear for four months: I think I'm entering a manic episode or phase or something. And it never used to be mania; it was more of a hypomania where I was really happy and creative, but that was it. But the last year or so, these (rare) spells have been like... downing three espressos or something. I can't eat; I can't sleep; I don't care that I can't eat or sleep; and right now, I'm perfectly calm except that my foot's thumping like a rabbit's. The real problem is that I feel so hyperfocused that I can't focus at all, if that makes sense. Be assured, though, that this only feels extreme to me because I'm usually so low-energy. I'm not up on the roof all WOOOOO BITCHES I CAN FLYYYYYY! Miss Cleo has not gone cray-cray.

The first really distinct "manic" episode I remember was two summers ago, about this time, and I felt like I was really deeply in love--except that there was no one around to be in love with, so I knew it wasn't that. And I'm kind of having that feeling again, except... really, really caffeinated. And a bit less pleasant. And loud or sudden noises are really upsetting. Shit.

ETA: Okay, a little calmer now. Good.

ETA: Yeah, I've talked to my doctor. That's what the medication adjustment I mentioned the other day is supposed to help.

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