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Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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msauvage purple
cleolinda
You know, I can't sleep, so I was lying there thinking... writing is so not a glamorous profession. Being a writer can be glamorous, but only when you're not actually writing; the literal act of putting down words isn't very interesting to watch. You could never have, like, The Phantom of the Fiction Workshop, where some deformed, disgruntled professor-wannabe lived in the subterranean tunnels below, like, the student center or something, and, like, came and kidnapped me from my dorm to take me down to his underground print shop, where we would write the Noveeeeellas of the Niiiiight. Because we would be sitting there arguing over who got the laptop, because I can't write longhand anymore, absolutely cannot, and then possibly he would have to risk life and limb to get another laptop rather than listen to my constant, pointed observations that my RIGHT HAND IS CRAMPING UP AGAIN (ARE THESE THE ONLY PENS YOU HAVE?), and possibly he would have to murder one of the computer science guys to get it. And that's just not cool. And let's not even talk about the actual writing. We'd be sitting there in our pajamas with a half-eaten pizza and a bottle of Aristocrat, tippity-tapping away at our keyboards, and every three minutes he'd be like, "Where are you now? How many pages do you have? Are you on a new chapter yet?," and I'd be like, "I swear to God--work on your own thing, man," and he'd be like, "I can't, I have writer's block," and I'd be like, "How can you possibly have writer's block? You're freakin' holed up under the Spanish department sleeping on newspapers and eating stray cats--isn't that enough to write about, Mr. I Am the Angel of Writing?," and he'd be like, "Uh... maybe I should be the Angel of Editing," and I'd be like, "OH HELL NO," and I'd end up using my student ID to unlock the door, you know, like that credit card trick, while he was out stealing another carton of NutraGrain bars from the caf, and escape back to the dorm. And then he'd get so mad he'd try to win me back by crashing my next open-mike night with his scathing three-hundred-page novel/manifesto about the empty emptiness of modern existence and the futility of keeping it real in a materialistic world and you know what the saddest thing would be? Nobody at the reading would notice anything out of the ordinary. They'd just roll their eyes and order another Tazo chai.

Not glamorous? Perhaps. But I'd watch this movie. :-D

Your PJs could be totally glamorous.

Actually, you know, this sounds a lot like my day, except I've been writing a term paper and it doesn't involve modern emptiness. :p

(Deleted comment)
*giggles* You know, of all the people I read on the Internet, no one makes me laugh (in a good way, of course) like you do. :D Thanks for always brightening my day!

*hugs*

Although that made me giggle myself silly...I do know what you mean. But you are an exceptionally talented writer. Truly exceptional. You'll be fine.

*more hugs*

HI-larious! I think I'd watch that movie. As long as it isn't one of those ridiculous 3 hour epics. Promise me that!

Mmm tazo relaxed is my favorite tea.

Yeah... I'm thinkin' me and the Angel of Editing wouldn't get past half an hour, myself.

*snickers uncontrollably* You totally brightened my night :)

At least in that situation no one would dare bug you about deadlines, cuz you never know who'll be on the end of the phantom's rope next...

That Phantom probably wouldn't even have a laptop. Old style typewriter and liquid paper for you. Maybe even one of those where you have to make your own semi-colons by doing a colon then going back and doing a comma over it.

Now that would be an action packed scene for the movie!

Maybe even one of those where you have to make your own semi-colons by doing a colon then going back and doing a comma over it.

In that event, I would kill him with my bare hands.

Lo, I am slain.

*cannot stop laughing*

If that's a Don Hertzfeldt reference, you are awesome.

If not... I'm sure you're a very nice person anyway. ;)

I'm picturing a boat ride through a lake of balled up and tossed aside first drafts.

Don't forget the empty pizza boxes and soda cans.

*sighs* this cracked me up. i'm just depressed i can't seem to write anymore.
(which is why i haven't joined writer girls...because i SUCK now.)
but i think i might go join the icon community. i've nothing better to do for the next 4 hours than check out journal stuff. i know i won't be sleeping.

Oh, try reading this: <a="http://www.bmsc.washington.edu/people/merritt/books/eye_of_argon.html">The Eye of Argon</a>.

I guarantee you'll feel better as a writer after reading this. I posted the MST3K version because the regular one is so bad it's nearly unreadable.

And yes, this story was self-published in the '70s. It was once entered at Baycon's "worst sci-fi/fantasy story" contest, and has won 15 years running.

I promise, you will feel better after reading it.

If you don't spork your eyes out from the grand awfulness of the whole thing, that is. This story clearly, clearly illustrates why no author should have 5 thesauri and not one dictionary. :-p

I can so see this being a short film... man, it'd be hilarious.

And I agree with the person above. No LAPTOPS!! You'd be lucky to get a typewriter... I'm seeing a quill and an inkpot.. in fact, he's slapping your wrists with a ruler every time you make a splotch on the page, just because he can.

OH OH OH, and he wouldn't have a half mask... he'd just have half his face covered in ink, from when he fell asleep on his page of notes.

make this movie! and you don't... I'll have to steal it!

*snarfs Diet Coke*

HEEEE!!

Noveeeeelllas of the Niiiiight

You kill me, Cleo-baby. Keep it up, I'm happiest when you've deaded me.

<33333

So, been lurking. Thought I'd actually say HI! Oh my goodness, you never fail to make me laugh. Plus, I must say I love the complete randomness that comes with sleeplesness. Anyway, I can totally picture this entire thing (and I actually burst into song at Noveeeeelllas of the Niiiiight). Wait. Ignore that last bit... never happened. No, really...

Of all the people I routinely read on LJ, you make me laugh the most.

And I would be interested in knowing further lyrics of Noveeeeelllas of the Niiiiight, since I started singing it too.

I dunno--it would probably go something like,

Let your keyboard start a journey
Through a strange new literary world;
Start a brand new chapter, which doesn't really rhyme with "rapture."
Let us keep the deadlines that we made!
Only then can we get paid.

Snacking, smoking, cheap intoxication.
Read me, critique me, savor each annotation.
Let the draft begin, let your writer's block give in
To the power of novellas that I write
The power of novellas of the night.

You alone can make my plot take flight,
Make me write novellas of the night.