Jennifer Garner on the carpet: she looks good in red. SO FAR.
Here’s Al Roker with… the weather? Oh God, Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson mother-daughter first blah. Geoffrey Rush mugging straight out of the limo. Heee, a Phantom commercial. “Larry King says, ‘One of the best movies I have ever seen!’” Ohhhhh, Larry.
Here’s Kevin Spacey. He is totally not gay. “What made you want to make a movie about Bobby Darin?” Uh, the fact that he bears a total physical and vocal resemblance and that biopics are Oscar catnip? And there’s Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger weirds me out. But in a good way.
A gaggle of TV stars. Big ones, but I don’t care.
Patricia Arquette and Some Guy. Halle Berry—as always, looking good. She has lost her cat. There is a Catwoman joke here to make zzzzzzz. I’ll be interested to see her in Their Eyes Were Watching God; I had to read that in high school…
Shatner and wife (another one? Not the one who drowned, I’m assuming?).
JOHNNY JOHNNY I LOVE YOU JOHNNY SQUEE. He looks miserable in Lisa Ling’s clutches. “What drew you to this role?” “…What?”
Cleolinda : (I feel bad right now, because I'm all like, "IT'S JOHNNY JOHNNY I LOVE YOU SQUEE")
Cleolinda : I LOVE YOU JOHNNY
Vladimir: Sigh. I see that every year in Venice.
Vladimir: And he short, yo
Cleolinda : heeeee
Cleolinda : BACK OFF TEENIES, I WAS HERE FIRST
Vladimir: No, I was. : )
Cleolinda : P.S. He looks miserable
Cleolinda : in his gracious, "Oh, ALL RIGHT" way
Vladimir: Oh really
Cleolinda : well, Lisa Ling cornered him on the red carpet
Vladimir: Yeah, he's about to win a Golden Globe. Miserable.
Vladimir: oh well, presenters. that's understandable
Cleolinda : "JOHNNY JOHNNY I LOVE YOU SQUEE"? Yeah, I don't blame him for looking a little skeeved
Aaand the show starts with yet another crap-ass song parody that tortures me gently even though I have fled to the bathroom for an emergency break.
WHOA Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture SLOWWWW DOWWWWWN! Whoa, Foxx is up for two awards tonight? Freeman gets a huge roar as well. CLIVE! I LOVE YOU, CLIVE! I AM AVAILABLE PRETTY MUCH EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK! And... WHEEE! CLIVE OWEN WINS! I WILL STOP WRITING IN THE CAPSLOCK OF JOY ANY MOMENT NOW. He ends with an “encouragement” for “more people to see our film.” Seriously, make it clear that Natalie is almost naked and you’ll rake it in, guys.
Here’s Tim Robbins with Supporting Actress. Her Cateness looks great in pale blue. So does Virginia Madsen (yes, even the color). Laura Linney looks like a raccoon. Robbins pronounces “Closer” like “one who closes” rather than “nearer in proximity.” OMFG PORTMAN BEATS BLANCHETT DEATH TO YOU AAAAAAAAALL. That is the ONE THING I wanted out of this show. Sigh. Clive Owen looks happy. Well, I feel a little better.