Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones

More rants; a little linkspam

Quick linkspam:

Dominic Monaghan in Rolling Stone:

Monaghan knows the events in store for Charlie this season -- he wanted to make sure he could modulate his characterization properly -- but the cast is kept in the dark about the show's big mysteries. "It would be interesting for us to have dinner with a bunch of fans," he says. "They'd realize we talk about the same shit they do: Who's going to die next? What do you think the monster is? When are we going to cook the dog?"

This is not of the Lord, y'all. What happens if they add too many human cells and we end up with another Island of Dr. Moreau on our hands?

ETA: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Merchandise?

More rants while I take a break from Titanic:

For infallible: Here are a couple of things you can rant about? How dare Jennifer not wanna pro-create with Brad.

"Hi, I'm Jennifer Aniston. Brad and I are apparently breaking up because I refused to bear his children, and I would just like to state for the record that yes, I know this makes me a terrible person. It is wrong and evil and nastybad to not want to spawn with a blindingly handsome pot-smoker extraordinaire superstar, and it's even worse that I wanted to make the most of my career while I'm still considered 'young' and 'attractive' and 'not a washed-up TV star... yet' in Hollywood. And let's not even bring up the reasons that even unfamous women don't want to have children, such as a fear of the bone-breaking, hoochie-ripping pain, the fear that they might not be good parents, and also, let's say, just not wanting to have kids around, ever, period. Because those women are bad, bad, unwomanly women and should be burned. Hell, y'all should probably just get it over with and drag me out into the village square and stone me right now. Look, I'll even help you get a nice pile of rocks going."

For angelryka: - The hoopla over the Jen/Brad breakup and Angelina as a homewrecker.

"Look, bitches. I was fucking Colin Farrell and Jared Leto through the mattress the whole time. I have no clue what you people are talking about, so shut it."

theonlykow: Rant on pornography! Negative stigma? Overtight conservatives? Does it have a place? Lonely housewive takes huuge cack?

I actually have no problem with pornography in theory, particularly as more and more women are embracing it. I mean, in theory, it’s simply “sexually explicit material involving consenting adults.” My problem is more that a lot of the stuff in het male-oriented porn is so incredibly demeaning. (It’s a very old debate, and I won’t get into it here, but go spend an afternoon at True Porn Clerk Stories sometime.)

Now, what actually pisses me THE FUCK off is how much porn I get in my junkmail—particularly regarding some bitch named Christy who can apparently “cream” herself while simultaneously losing her virginity to “hung males” and being peed on by lesbians. I’M A GIRL. A STRAIGHT GIRL. GET OUT OF MY EMAIL, CHRISTY. AND FIND ME SOME HOT GUYS WHILE YOU’RE OUT.

P.S. While we're on the subject of unwanted messages: Look. I signed up for a text message whatever account because I cannot figure out how to text on my phone, and theoretically I can sit down at the keyboard and "email" a text to the Squishy. Except that the only time I wanted to do so, the service was down. So. Now that they've got hold of me, the service INSISTS on sending me "Blind Date 4U!" messages EVERY SINGLE BLESSED DAY between 4:30 and 5:30 pm. Hey, mikelikesthighs, guess what? I DON'T want to go on a date with you, plzdiekthnx.

For bigfatgreek: Manolo Blahniks vs. Jimmy Choos.

These are shoes, right? Well, clearly, uh... the more expensive ones are better. That's why they're more expensive. Right...? Look, I don't know. Pretend you're Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female. Which shoe do you like better for the purpose of improvised death?

Also for angelryka: Starlets that are said to be "so naturally talented, they'll blow you away", but really are just beautiful/slept with someone important.

"Hi, I'm Gretchen Mol. Remember me? The blonde who got the Vanity Fair cover story extolling my grace and beauty and immense talent-laden star appeal before anyone had even heard of me? Who was in that awful David E. Kelly chick lawyer show "Girls Club"? The one that lasted two weeks? Oh, come on! I was in Rounders! No bells? Yeah, I was afraid of that. That's okay. See, I've gotten a new agent, and he's got a great new game plan for me. Just for starters, I changed my name to Kate Bosworth two years ago. Things are already looking up."

(More rants, and the origin of the rants)
Tags: best of, rants
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