Whee! I finished an hour early!
Previously on Lost: Actually, I don't think they give us any previouslys. You may want to refresh yourself with "House of the Rising Sun," however.
Ojo de Jin. Crashing waves. He looks concerned. Now he is in a flashback. I'm not going to do well with this whole not-speaking-English thing, am I?
(The logo in the corner of the screen says 4 Days to Oscar. Remind me to tell y'all tomorrow about the various Oscar pools we have set up.)
So. Flashback. Jin is in Sun's father's office. "Why do you want to marry my daughter?" "Mr. Paik," says Jin, "I may be from a fishing village, where my father most likely fished for a living and it is very possible that I, too, learned to fish there, but I have ambitions." Sun's dad is like, "So... what are they?" Jin wants to open a restaurant, where they will very likely serve fish, and then own his own hotel. Maybe they will have fish there, too. He hasn't thought that far ahead, really. "What does your father think?" "My father?" "Yeah, yours, hoss," says Sun's father. "My father, who is from a fishing village and very likely taught me to fish, is dead," says Jin. "What would you do for my daughter?" asks Mr. Paik, having exhausted that line of questioning. "Anything," says Jin. "Even work for me?" asks the father. "Of course," says Jin, rolling right over. "Why would I give my daughter to a man who sells his own dreams so easily?" the father asks. Ah, well played, mobbed-up Korean father. "Because she is my dream, sir," says Jin. Say it with me all together now: AWWWWWWWWWW.
So Jin stands there, and his body language is screaming, "Please don't beat me again." But the father holds out his hand, and the deal is made.
Back on the island: Sun in a bikini HEY NOW. Jin runs up to her with a towel and starts shrieking (in Korean), "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?," and Sun is like, "NO, we are on an ISLAND, and it is HOT, and I am OUT OF MY CLOTHES."
Jack, of Jack and Kate: "There they go again." Claire, of Claire and Charlie: "Should we do something?" Mercutio, of Mercutio and His Semi-Requited Yearning for Sun: "What's going on?" "I dunno," says Kate. "He walked up and started going off on her again." And then Mercutio decides to be a hero (Jack: "Mercutio, nooooooo! You're not a registered hero like me!") and starts trying to "mediate," to which I can only say, "Ohhhhhh shit." But Sun turns and WHALES on him. Like, she slaps him so hard, he goes flying right into the opening title. Even Jin is like, "Whaaaa...?"
The sulky caves of Jinmark. He turns the Watch of Honor over in his hands. "What's going on between you and him?" Sun: "Who? Michael? That's ridiculous." Jin: "Is it?" Sun: "Nothing is going on. Except my fist upside his head." Jin: "Yeah, that was pretty awesome."
Flashback. The union of Jinmark and Sunisia. Some girl is helping Sun change into her reception dress, I assume, and... it's kind of Victorian, y'all. Like, collar up to her ears and shit. Jin comes up and asks to have a moment with his wife, and the other girl's all like, "Hee hee! Remember that your guests are downstairs!" And Sun's all like, "I'm so happy! I wish your father, who fished a lot, had lived to see this!" And Jin looks sad. "Wherever he is, he's proud of me." I thought this was a really weird thing to say at the time, given that I have an automatic Judeo-Christian frame of reference going, "What, you're saying that maybe your dad's in hell, but he's all happy for you? Nice, man." But it's a really significant thing to say in light of the end of the show. Anyway. She asks him to button her up and he kisses her shoulder and tee hee and SOMEBODY DO IT ALREADY. COME ON, YOU'RE MARRIED. Oh, and they're not going on a honeymoon because Jin wants to show her father that he's "committed" to his new job. You know what? You done got her, Jin. You won. Take a friggin' vacation. But no. He says they'll go on the honeymoon of their dreams in six months after all his management training at the car company (?) is done, and he gives her another damn flower, and says they'll have the honeymoon they dreamed of. You know, the one on a deserted island inhabited only by polar bears and bloodthirsty nutjobs and scantily clad whiners. SIGN ME UP.
A diplomatic envoy from Sunisia goes to patch things up with war-torn, pissed-off Bosnia-Mercutiovina. "I'm sorry!" says Sun. Mercutio's like, "Look, whatever, none of my business. I just want to get my kid off this godforsaken island, and if you don't want to be rescued from your crazy abusive husband, then screw you too." "You don't understand! I was protecting you from JIN!" she cries. "You don't know what he's capable of!" Note: Of Sun and Jin, we have seen one of them hit two people so far. That person? Is Sun.
(Okay, and there was the thing on the beach with Mercutio getting beat up. I'm just saying.)
The golf greens of Jinmark. Jin is practicing his drive with... I missed what it was. Kinda looked like clumps of dirt, but knowing this show's sense of humor, it was probably boar droppings or something. Hurley comes up with two bamboo poles (fishing rods? Seriously, I can't tell) and tries to get Jin to come do... something... relaxing with him, and finally says, "You wanna be an outsider? Fine, your business." You know, because Jin has any clue what Hurley is saying. That, and people on this island are friggin' obsessed with insiders and outsiders. I've seen high school cliques less obsessed with the status quo, y'all. So, in conclusion: I have no idea what was supposed to be going on here.
The projects of Snickerbitchapan. Shannon is working on the same shelter I think she's been working on for three episodes now. I think she's tying together a frame or something. You will forgive me for not really looking at anything but Sayid in this scene. "Do you have a past in the Navy you've neglected to talk about?" he asks, because apparently she can tie knots like whoa. "I dated guys with sailboats," she says. He says something about hearing that she might end up a "spinster" and all alone on Saturday nights and what? Again: I understand the direction he's trying to move in, but... what? Maybe part of my brain just rolled over and died, but I'm not understanding half the shit these people are saying tonight. All I know is, it ends up with Shannon saying, "Maybe we should get some rope and tie some knots and spend Saturday night together." ATTA GIRL! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT! And Sayid just happens to have bondage experience. They are so meant to be together.
Mercutio and Walt are working on the raft and Mercutio wants to take him to New York and show him "the buildings." Dude, like the city of New York has anything else. He finally says "the architecture," which is totally Mercutio but also completely boring to a ten-year-old kid. Indeed, Walt's like, "Can I go play with Vincent?" Sigh. And here comes Jack. Mercutio shows off his raft: bamboo for the deck, part of the fuselage for the cabin, storage bins, all kinds of stuff. I'm surprised Shannon hasn't tried to date him yet. But there's only room for four people, and the natives are getting restless as to who else will go with Mercutio. Well, he says, there's only room for four people, and only one slot free, not two. Who got the other berth? Why, Sawyer. And while this makes perfect sense, there was a large part of me screaming, "NOOOOOO! DUN TAKE AWAY MY JACKHOLE!" My, how the times have changed. Sawyer walks up right then and snips pointedly at Jack that he bought a seat on the raft with a roll of cable, and that it's a good thing he (Sawyer) is "a saver, not a spender." Again: what are any of you people talking about?
Night. Kate asks Sun how much longer she's going to let Jin, a man she's afraid to even let know she speaks English, treat her this way. Oh, Jin wasn't always this way, blah blah Stockholm syndrome blee. "What changed him?" asks Kate, getting right to the point. And then someone goes running by and I swear the castaway equivalent of a fire bell is clanging. Ohhhhh no. Charlie runs by and yells, "The raft! It's on fire!" Everyone goes running. Locke looks perturbed. Jack and Charlie and Sawyer and various red shirts are flinging handfuls of sand and possibly water on the fire, which mocks their pain. Mercutio's all like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Walt is wearing a total "Oh, shit" look on his face. Then Mercutio starts shouting, "WHERE IS HE?!" Okay, hon? Jin wants you away from his wife, i.e., OFF THE ISLAND. He's not your man. Do the math.
Sun tracks down Jin, who's... doing something. Damn these single viewings! "I hurt myself," he says. Sun's like, "Ohhhhhhh, shit." "You did it? Why? Michael was trying to get us off the island! Why would you do it?" and Jin's like, "MICHAEL?" Yeah, dude, she's called him that before. Step lively, now.
Flashback. Jin is talking to Sun's father: "I take full responsibility, sir. The machinery is old, I should have..." Sun's father interrupts: "I called to PROMOTE you," he says. "You will be my new special assistant, in charge of mangling people. Do you know Byung Han, the secretary for environmental safety?" It took me a while to figure this out, but I think the deal is that Byung Han closed down the Paik factory for being unsafe (see above), and Mr. Paik is "displeased." And Jin has to go tell him so. "I'm Jin-Soo Kwon," he tells Byung Han when he gets to the man's house (for those of you keeping track of the castaways' full names. I think he said "Jin-Soo"). "I work for Mr. Paik." Poor Byung Han just about wets himself. On the couch, a girl and a dog (DOG! the dog he gave to Sun in that box!) are watching TV. "May I get you a drink?" No, Jin is fine. He is here to deliver a message. "Please," says poor Byung Han, "not in front of my daughter." In the background: AHHHHH HURLEY ON THE TV WTF. We see him getting into a car. Anyway. Jin's all like, "Mr. Paik is displeased with you. That's all." Poor Byung Han goes into raptures: "THANK YOU SIR! REALLY! THIS IS SO THRILLING TO MY SOUL! I WILL DO BETTER NEXT TIME! PLEASE, TAKE MY INCREDIBLY VALUABLE PUREBRED DOG!" ("DADDY!") "Uh... I'm good, thanks," says Jin. "YOU MUST TAKE THE DOG! I AM MUCH OF THE THANKING TO YOU!" So Jin's like, o...kay. Taking the dog it is.
The jungles of Luxemboone. Thug Life Boone looks sad. Sayid comes by, and Thug Life Boone sasses him. "I'd like to talk to you about Shannon," says Sayid in that courtly quasi-British accent of his. "It's very possible your sister and I are going to become more than just friends." "What is this," brats Boone, "some Middle Eastern thing? Are you asking permission?" "I was extending a courtesy, not asking permission," Sayid says archly. Son, he will fuck you up. "Lemme tell you about my sister," says Boone. "She likes older men, guys who can take care of her. Guys who are basically unlike me, because I'm a hapless loser who screws up everything I touch. I guess you fit the bill here on the island. She'll make you feel like the greatest guy ever, including but not limited to quasi-incestuous sex, until she gets what she wants. Then she'll move on. When she does? Don't take it personally, man." Sayid looks perturbed. As one does.
Jin wakes up--birds are moving around?--and goes to the nearby creek. Sawyer comes up and yells, "That's for my ride, chief!" and kicks Jin sideways in the head. Seriously, it's a thing of redneck beauty.
Back in Snickerbitchapan, Shannon is wrestling with some sort of semi-transparent tarp for her new tent. I imagine this tarp will come in handy for the inevitable, discreetly silhouetted Sayid-Shannon love scene we should be getting... oh, during May sweeps, I guess. Shannon chirps, "Hi! Come help me!" Sayid intones, "You're very capable, Shannon. I'm sure you'll be all right on your own." Shannon, who knows that no one ever has or ever would say anything like that to her, is like, "Dude, that is double-plus ungood." "Perhaps you should find another friend to help you with your shelter," Sayid says. "YOU'VE BEEN TALKING TO MY BROTHERLOVER, HAVEN'T YOU!" shouts Shannon. She marches off to give Thug Life Boone what-for, but only finds Sensei Locke gutting, like, a rat or a frog or something ("EWWWWWWWW"). She demands to know where Boone is, "because you two are, like, jungle pals!" HA! "Well, you tell him to keep his mouth shut, and if he wants to say something to me, he can--" "Should I be writing this down?" Locke asks mildly. Again, HA! And then he says, "Do you like him?" and Shannon, given that the last person mentioned was Boone, is like, "WHAT? NO! OF COURSE NOT! HOW DARE YOU IMPLY--" and Locke's like, "You know, Sayid?" and she's like, "Oh. Him. Yes. What?" "Because if you do," says Locke, "what's it got to do with your brother?" Well, you see, John, sometimes a stepbrother and a stepsister love each other very much... "You can yell at him until you're blue in the face, but it only gives him what he wants." "What's that?" "Your attention. Everyone gets a new life on the island. Maybe it's time to start yours." Shannon thinks about this. It may take her a while, and be a little painful.
Sawyer is marching Jin--tied up--through the jungle, and of all the threatening things he says, what I really caught was, "A month ago, these people were doctors and accountants, but it's Lorrrrrrd of the Flies time now." SHOUT. OUT.
Flashback. Sun has Jin sit down at the table and open his eyes, and she's got a big fancy dinner for him. She says the Korean equivalent of "Ta-da!," which sounds something like, "Chn!," and Jin says, "Woahwwwww." I dunno, I thought it was cute. "I thought we could enjoy a meal together," she says (in Korean). She's still got cute long hair, so apparently her soul has not been completely beaten down yet. Then his cell phone rings. "Don't worry, no work tonight," he promises. And then the house phone rings. And rings and rings and rings. Yeah, there's not gonna be a dinner tonight.
"Why is my factory closed? I'm losing millions, because you were too incompetent to deliver a simple MESSAAAAAGE!" roars Sun's father. Meaning, I guess, that "Dude, Mr. Paik is displeased. Sure, I'll take your dog" just doesn't cut it in the cutthroat world of car manufacturing. "This scary guy will take you to Byung Han's house, and he'll show you how to deliver a message." Ohhhh no. In Jin's car, Scary Guy is snapping on the latex. That is never, ever good. "Keep the engine running," says Scary Guy. "I will be inside less than two minutes. When I come back, you will not drive over the speed limit. You will take this car to the river eight miles away. Do you understand?" Ohhhhhh fuck.
Now, somehow between this and the actual arriving at the house, the plan has changed so that it's Jin who storms the house and grabs the guy at dinner with his wife and kid and it's Jin who punches him in the face like 86 times and dumps him in a little ornamental pond and grits, "THE FACTORY OPENS TOMORROW. P.S. I just saved your life." He turns to see the little girl wibbling and feels Very, Very Guilty. Dude! You saved the guy's life! Deal with it! So Jin walks out, past Mr. Scarygloves McMurderson and says, "He got the message." Scary Guy is like, "Heh," and puts his gun back in his jacket pocket.
Then we see the exact scene we saw in the previous Jin-and-Sun episode, where he runs in covered in blood and starts washing his hands, only this time, when Sun essentially pimp-slaps him for saving the guy's life, the sound effect is different--it sounds more like she's hitting his shoulder (the sound is kind of muffled in fabric) than his face. I seriously remember a really painful face-smacking sound. Maybe I'm crazy. "What do you do for my father! Look at me! Answer me!" "WELL, I DON'T FISH, THAT'S FOR SURE," says Jin. "I do whatever your father tells me. I do it for us." Sun may have Pinkeye of Rage in this scene. She storms out in tears, and Jin's left to wash his hands all like OUT OUT DAMNED SPOT. He sees himself in the mirror and cries. Awwww.
The beach! Trombones of danger! THUD! Jin in the sand. "[MERCUTIO]! TAKE IT EASY!" Jack and Hurley are trying to mediate and Charlie runs out in his hoodie like the Unabassist. Sun is staring at Jin in horror while Mercutio and Sawyer prepare to make sausage out of Jin. He says something in Korean to Sun and Mercutio's all like, "WHAT'D HE SAY? SAY IT AGAIN!" And Jin says something nasty-sounding to Mercutio, so Mercutio punches him out. Then Jin says something else nasty-sounding to Mercutio, so Mercutio punches him out. Then... seriously, Jin, throw a punch or something! Everyone else looks uncomfortable. Jack wrinkles his nose in impotent, doctorly rage. Then Sun screams, in English, "STOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! LEAVE HIM ALOOOOONE!" And everyone on the beach, like, swivels around as one and goes, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?" "He didn't burn your raft!" screams Sun. And even Jin is just standing there looking at her like "WWWWWTTTTTTFFFFFFF."
Commercials. They aren't interesting.
We're back. Everyone's like, "..." Charlie manages to blurt out, "You speak ENGLISH!" Hurley: "Didn't see that coming." "He burned his hands trying to put the fire out!" cries Sun. "Well, then why did he run?" shouts Mercutio. And Sun turns to Jin and asks him something in Korean, and I bet you five bucks it's, "Hey, why did you run?" Whatever he says doesn't help any, so Sun just says, "My husband is many things, but he is not a liar." Sawyer's like, "You gonna talk to us about lying? YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL YOUR HUSBAND THAT YOU COULD SPEAK ENGLISH!" And here comes Locke to be the voice of reason: "Why would he burn the raft! Okay, fine--it's personal! But why take it out on our best chance to get off the island! We're ignoring the fact that the problem is out there!" he shouts, waving in the general direction of The Late Ethanator. "They've attacked us! Sabotaged us! Kidnapped us! Murdered us! We're not the only people on this island and we aaaaaall know it!" And just for good measure, Sun adds, "He did not. do. it." Exit Mercutio and Walt in a huff. Everyone else creeps away, like, Awkward.
Sun has some 'splainin to do. Jin won't look at her. We get a wide shot of the beach as he walks away, a giant distance between the two tiny figures.
Burnt raft, war-torn Bosnia-Mercutiovina. Vincent sniffs around the burnt raft, because he's helpful like that. Mercutio kicks it a little. "I can't salvage a thing!" he cries, and starts beating the wreckage. Walt is wincing. "I'm sorry, man," says Mercutio, getting control of himself. "It's okay," says Walt. "No, c'mere. Look. We all have setbacks. That's just life. We'll start over." "You're gonna build another one?" says Walt. If you've seen the whole episode, this line is kind of funny in a sad way now. "Yeah! Another one!" "Can I help?" Mercutio and Walt bump fists.
The caves of Jinmark. Jin is packing up his shit and leaving. He's got a giant bundle of of tangled rope, for some reason. (I know, I know. Keep reading.) Sun's freaking out: "What are you doing? Please answer me. Is this how you've chosen to deal with me? Why didn't you just tell me you didn't burn the raft? What have I done to deserve this? When did we stop talking?!" And then she shouts in English, "I was going to leave you!" He turns around, all packed up, and I started to wonder here if we were going to get some reveal that HE could speak English, too. "I was going to leave you! I was going run away! But you made me change my mind! You made me think that you still loved me!" Back in Korean: "I want to go back to the beginning. Can't we just start all over?" Jin does not answer.
Flashback: A river dock, with fish strung up all up and down. Oh God, this is Jin's father, isn't it? "I'm sorry, father," says Jin. "Please forgive me. I was... ashamed of you." They hug tearfully. Then Jin helps him fish some. "What is she like?" asks the father. "Beautiful. Intelligent. Hardheaded." Jin's father smiles. "But we don't talk anymore," says Jin. "Why not?" "Because I can't tell her about her father. In a good world... she would hate him, not me." "It IS a good world," Jin's father says cheerfully. Man, I love him. "My son disowned me to go marry some girl who doesn't love him anymore because he's covering for her asshole father. OH, WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD." "You don't know what I've done," says Jin. "You are my son. It does not matter what you've done," says his father. Again: love the father. "I wish I could start over," says Jin (island metaphor, dead ahead!) "Why can't you?" "I have responsibilities," says Jin. "More important than your wife? I mean, damn, you pretended I was dead for her, man. She seems pretty important to me," says his father. "Her father wants me to deliver watches to his associates in Sydney and Los Angeles," says Jin. THANK YOU FOR FINALLY TELLING US, MAN. "Let that be the last thing you do," advises his father. "Then walk away. Don't come back. Go to America. Save your marriage." Awwww! And that's what Sun was going to run away from at the airport!
Back to the caves of Jinmark. He turns back and looks for a moment like he might put all his stuff down. "It's too late," he says. Or... not, because they're totally stuck on an island. I guess he'll just go... OMG FISH SOME MORE! Here's how dumb I am: it's at this moment in the show that I suddenly made the connection between Jin's uber-leet fishing skillz and him offering orange slicy fish to everyone and Hurley trying to learn how to fish from him and that he is, right now, carrying a bundled-up fishing net. HE KNOWS HOW TO FISH BECAUSE HIS FATHER IS A LOWLY FISHERMAN. I am so dumb. Sun cries.
Sayid sits by the fire. Ah, the montage of redemption. Shannon sits down and kisses him anxiously, and Sayid's like, "What was that for?" Because you're hot, dude. Honestly, you have to ask? "Everyone gets a new life on this island," says Shannon. Aaaaaaand that makes (counts on fingers) ...at least three people that Sensei Locke has helped. And Shan? You got off easy.
The nighttime caves of El Waltador. Vincent and Walt are chillin' when Locke comes in and asks if Walt wants to play backgammon. "Hurley owes me $83,000," Walt says proudly. "I told him I'd give him a chance to win it back." Yes, well, Hurley's not here right now, is he? "It's been a while since you and I've played," says Locke, and he pets Vincent. Awww! "You got a dad?" asks Walt. "Everyone's got a dad," says Locke. "Is he cool?" "No. No he's not." Oh dear. Locke mentioned a foster mother, didn't he? Well, his next episode should be interesting. They start playing and Walt immediately rolls a good number. WITH HIS MIND. "Good for you," says Locke dryly. Heh. "Hey, you mind if I ask you something? Why did you burn the raft, Walt?" WITH YOUR MIND. "Don't worry, I'm not going to tell. You must've had a really good reason." Come on, Walt. Tell us that REALLY, REALLY GOOD REASON. "I don't wanna move anymore. I've been moving places my whole life. I like it here." I snorted out loud at this point. That's such a kid's way of looking at it, isn't it? "I like it here, too," says Locke. Yeah, I bet you do, Creepy McWalksalot.
Beach, the next day. Mercutio is futzing with his burnt-ass raft. Here comes Jin with bamboo poles. "Bote," he says carefully. They nod manfully. All is forgiven. I guess.
Here's Hurley with--Jesus, he's still got that Discman. Good thing it apparently runs on solar power, or we wouldn't have any more musical montages. Sayid and Shannon are eating some fruit and he's touching her hair and oh, vom. I am torn between thinking that this whole pairing is very cute and thinking that I'd like to beat Snicker Bitch to death with her own bottle of Hawaiian Tropic. And here's Sun and her bikini on the beach, picking up the Kate T&A slack, walking alone in her hotness. She lets the water splash up to her knees, and come to think of it, she probably hasn't been able to get in the water much, has she? I mean, what with being trapped in those twinsets and all. Claire and Charlie are also being cute in the distance. Hurley watches. And then Hurley's discman--dies. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. "Son of a bitch," says Hurley. The end.
Next week. A search to uncover island mysteries! A bridge stolen from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom! There are traps, shit blows up good, and someone has a gun. Man, the American previews suck.
Lost 1:17, "In Translation"
Whee! I finished an hour early!