Okay, this commercial with the woman disrobing for her car to the tune of "Dream On" is plenty trainwrecky. Ew.
Here's... Adam Sandler and Catherine Zeta-Jones? And Catherine is not coming out. And Chris Rock says he can read her lines instead. Oh God. This is a skit, isn't it? I weep. And Rock gets to utter the immortal line, "As a little girl growing up in Wales..." And the bit ends with the threat of a spanking. Yes. We don't have time to let the makeup people actually walk to the stage, but we have time for this shit. Sigh. Best Adapted Screenplay, here goes: Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor for Sideways. They accept briskly, because Cates is backstage making stabbing motions. Everyone cheers.
JAKE! JAKE! I LOVE YOU JAKE! And Ziyi Zhang, as they call her tonight (Zhang Ziyi? Ziyi Zhang?). She looks really cute, that's all I know. Aaaand here are the visual effects folks on stage. Spider-Man 2 wins, and a scream goes up in the audience (whoa, people, simmer down). The guy accepting is thankful there was "no fourth episode of Lord of the Rings." Ha! Reminds me of the year whoever it was won best song and expressed gratitude that "The English Patient didn't have a song."
Here's Academy president Frank Pierson here "in this tabernacle of talent." No one cares. He dedicates the show to the Armed Forces. Swift and safe return, etc. Huh! He actually wrote Dog Day Afternoon, which starred Al Pacino, who is here to present the honorary Oscar to that film's director, Sidney Lumet. Way to actually involve the president for once, Academy! I salute you. Here's Pacino talking about how Lumet told him exactly what to do and he had to film a bank robbery and Lumet "made that bank robbery happen." I am so waiting for Pacino to say something like, "And it was great, except for the fifteen years we did in the pen afterwards." He concludes his speech with, "If you dig it, it's yours," and apparently he digs Sidney Lumet, director of 12 Angry Men, Fail-Safe, Serpico, Network, Murder on the Orient Express, The Verdict, and... The Wiz. Which one of these is not like the others? Wait, and now he's filming some movie with--is that Vin Diesel? No, for real? Damn. Standing ovation for Lumet, and this really is a satisfying honorary award, I have to say. Awww, he says he wants to thank so many people that he can't--Spielberg and Scorsese and Buster Keaton and a ton of other people he didn't even work with per se, "and those aren't the ones I really stole from." It's a really nice speech.
Oh, commercial, I love you so. Next up: Best Cinematography. A hundred voices shrieking out in the ether alert me to the fact that a clip from "Point of No Return" is onscreen. Fametracker POTO forum represent!