This now makes the Best Picture race really, really interesting. The Aviator picked up a lot of things I wasn't expecting, and yet Million Dollar Baby now has director. So... interesting.
Here's Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand (sigh) to present Best Picture--damn! I think this is the shortest Oscar show ever, y'all. (Sorry, that's just my stock reaction to Streisand: "Sigh.") Best Picture: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STREISAND! OPEN THE ENVELOPE! "Oh, but I've forgotten my glasses..." OPEN THE FUCKING ENVELOPE! OPEN IT! GODDAMMIT! Hoffman reads it and coyly whispers it to Streisand and Streisand's all like, "Hee hee! Hee! ..." GODDAMMIT, WOMAN! "I'm so glad to give you this again, Clint," she says, and the theater goes batshit.
Cleolinda: ohhhhhhh Lord have mercyWhat can I say? The man likes his Aviator.
Vladimir: WHAT THE FUCK EVER JUST HAPPENED?????
Cleolinda: I know, I know
Vladimir: CAN YOU PLIS FOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Vladimir: N. O. NO. NO.
I don't know who this producer guy talking about his wife and lemon pie with real filling and dying and going to heaven is, but Clint is just standing there squinching at him. Seriously, dude. Shut it. Clint never gets to say anything.
The weird thing about all of this is--often there's a huge, usually historical epic, and then there's a small, actor-driven drama. The two movies duke it out for Best Picture. The epic always wins. I think that, in all my years of watching the Oscars, this is the first time I've seen the small drama win. (Well, Beautiful Mind, but--that doesn't feel small, for some reason. It felt very overblown and pitched to precisely all of the Academy's sweet spots, whereas MDB at least feels more genuine.) Seriously. It's kind of mind-boggling to see the small drama actually win, over a director who's a huge candidate for at least a Hall of Fame sympathy Oscar, and his epic historical movie. Wow.
Chris Rock comes out and says that he hopes everyone had fun (well, Colin and his bitchez out back did, I know that much), and "GOOD NIGHT, BROOKLYYYYYN!" And thus finishes one of the fastest, least satisfying Oscar shows I have ever watched. Not because of who won or lost, but because I wasn't really invested in anyone or anything this year. Except Cate. Yay Cate!